To book a solo weekend away without my partner?

Are you dating my ex? 😂. This was his argument, too, and something about it not being normal for couples to travel apart 🙄.

Id be clear that you are your own person and will not be guilt tripped in to make your life smaller to suit him. If he continues to sulk I’d end things because if you stay in the him you will be battling any time you want something for yourself and the more emeshed you are with someone the harder it is to get out

You’re clearly not a book lover if you think it’s “just some books.” Replace books with anything you’re passionate about and you’ll get it. He’s being massively unreasonable and controlling.

Also it doesn’t matter if OP only wanted to go to London to say she’s been in the train station and then come back - she can go wherever she likes, to do whatever she likes. There aren’t rules for visiting London.

He is batshit. I do stuff solo all the time, whether I’m in a relationship or not. My previous partner definitely had an issue with me travelling solo (I’m not talking 3 month treks around the Andes, but a quick city break or spa weekend for myself).

This made me feel really stifled in the relationship and it was one of the many ways he was controlling.

Yesterday I took myself on a solo date for lunch and to the cinema. Your London trip sounds amazing, and as a fellow book-lover, I need to check it out.

He needs to grow up; there are few things better in life than solo trips.

Of course you go!!! Been married over 15 years and dated a bit before, my DH has NEVER stopped me doing anything and encourages me to take time for myself and helps make it happen practically. You are an adult. Your partner is an adult. He is supposed to care and respect you. He is behaving like a child having a tantrum. I suspect this bleeds into other aspects of the relationship. I don’t know the details of your set up but think about what you want your life to look like going forward. I think we all want peace in some way. I don’t think this man is going to help with that.

Good grief. Dump him. Even if he was a husband, this stance is unreasonable and a complete red flag. Of course you're not BU. I highly doubt this is the only thing he's a controlling dickhead about, and if it is then it won't be for long.

I take it you've never been to Waterstones Piccadilly? It's a great experience for book lovers. Also on Piccadilly is Hatchards, the UK's oldest bookshop. Plus the iconic Daunt Books in Marylebone. If you love books, it's absolutely worth a trip to London at least once in your life.

His argument is he can’t afford to travel as much as he would like, so I should only go with him

This is the exact opposite of reasonable or logical! Is he being ridiculous just for the sake of it, or to try to shame or nag you out of doing something perfectly normal and common? The fact that he begrudges you something because HE (thinks he) can't (easily) have it shows a tendency to be selfish and unsupportive, which sucks in a partner.

If he can't afford to travel much then obviously you're going to do some travelling without him. If you agreed to "only go with him" then YOU would be travelling less than you'd like - the exact situation he rejects for himself. And that's not even digging into the possibility that you may enjoy solo travel for its own sake or prefer to travel solo for certain purposes. If you've been given money to buy books and he has no money, that's a great argument for going on your own, just for instance. Plus getting lost in books is a pretty solitary activity.

Have a great trip!

DH and I often have a day or two away by ourselves. We'd both love a day pottering around Foyles! (followed by a show😂)

Yanbu, I say do it, and dump your partner if he's sulking and guilt tripping you over a very reasonable weekend plan.

Don’t feel intimidated. You will have so much head space and freedom to do what makes you happy. Sunken costs fallacy, guilt and fear makes us stay in these awful relationships much longer than we should. You are lucky that you don’t have a shared property, kids etc. I hope this is you getting the ick and a major wake up call that one more day with this man is a complete waste of your lovely, lovely life, that you only get once.

Your planned trip sounds utterly blissful and just my type of thing. When I lived in London, I could often be found in a big bookshop between work and home, where I went to de-stress and lose myself. And often, ironically enough, to escape my own rubbish relationship that I allowed to continue far too long. 13 years in my case. But I did leave and never looked back. You can do this. Good luck.

Another one advising Foyles too. Have an amazing time!

He’s a freeloader.
I would dump his greedy arse.
Hope you have a brilliant time doing something you love.

(PS I recommend Daunt Books (Marylebone), London Review of Books bookshop, Foyles and on Charing Cross Road near Foyles there are lots of lovely second hand bookshops too)

Sounds like a lovely plan OP! Go and enjoy :)

Also, sounds like you are still very young - plenty of time to get over a breakup (as at any almost age tbh). Don't waste your life with someone who doesn't celebrate you and the things you love.

Nope. Not his decision and I’m still dealing with a ex who wants to control and sticks his nose in at every opportunity 6 years after it ended! (I do have kids with him though so have to see him). Take it from me you’re worth more than this x

Yes to Hatchards, and ask to see the table where Oscar Wilde reportedly signed his books. And then go to the Royal Academy just opposite.

Well you have had lots of enlightening answers about your 'DP' so I will concentrate on the books.
Please visit Hatchards Piccadilly. Its my absolute fave bookshop. Founded in 1797, 5 floors of fabulous books, Old wonky flooring, room after room to explore. and a lovely collection of very old/ first edition books, as well as every genre/ modern books.
If you really want a treat Fortnum & Masons is steps away, so treat yourself to something delicious to enjoy with your new books at the hotel.

F

He isn’t a partner - he is your self imposed prison guard. Controlling, demanding and needy. Please re assess your relationship.

I've just come back from a lovely weekend away by myself. All my DH said was "have a nice time."
Not enraged. That's not a normal reaction. YANBU

You should go, and see how you feel about the relationship when you get back. Maybe you have outgrown him.

Please also visit Foyles on Charing Cross Road and all the second hand and independent bookshops in that area (if they are still there, it’s been a while!)

I have to say a 12 year relationship that has precluded the opportunity for someone probably just a couple of hours from London (£70 train fare) from ever visiting the city does sound like an almost complete waste of time …

Bloody hell, get him in the sea. If you wanted a solo trip to London to look at petrol stations/recycling bins/dog poo, he should be waving you off cheerily and wishing you a lovely time. Bin this deadweight, enjoy your trip and pick up a book on staying free from controlling men - I’m sure the good women of Mumsnet can recommend a few.

You're living in a small town, dating someone from your schooldays and your 20s are nearly gone. You barely travel.

Absolutely fine if that's what you want, but it doesn't sound like it.

You get one life, and it goes fast.

Literally nothing will change unless you decide to make a change.

In your shoes I'd be throwing my stuff ina suitcase and booking the next flight to Australia or somewhere else that allows for youth mobility. Go see the world while you still can.

And leave this controlling shitshow of a relationship behind. You are literally wasting your one precious life, voluntarily living in a cage.

Dump the entitled, controlling prick and have a lovely time in London x