To be upset about DSS comment about DH and I

wanting to provide for his family, it doesn’t mean he is a sexist Andrew Tate fan from the manosphere.

It does if you are criticising others for having a different set-up.

I want to (and do) provide for my family, it shouldn't be seen as automatically the responsibility of one sex over the other though.

Unfortunately this is a growing attitude amongst younger people - including women. A recent survey showed that Gen Z hold the most traditional views of women and men’s roles in society ( eg women should always obey their husbands ! ) - we are sadly going backwards!!

I am surprised about the amount of women out-earning their partners. I’m pleased the gender pay gap has closed finally.

I would not have an issue with this at all, never mind be offended by it. Then again, I say things like ‘I’d never date a man who earned less than me’ but I do work PT.

No, I disagree. He needs a good talking to as this sort of misogyny is everywhere. Your DH needs to sort it out.

DP and I are 64 now , we took it in turns to earn the most- your DSS attitudes are very outdated.

Maybe find some suitable material showing him that in Britain it has always been traditional for women to work. Especially working class women. Upper class people generally didn’t work whether they were male or female - they managed their estates and lived off the income these provided. There are some great census records showing early 19th century female business owners: butchers, bakers, lacemakers etc. Before that, cottage industry was a family affair. For example the children would comb wool, the wife would spun yarn and the husband would weave it into cloth.

In short, the 1950s house wife model is not traditional and led to many depressed women taking pharmaceuticals to cope. It is laudable that he wants to earn well and be a stable provider if this lets his future wife take maternity leave or have a career break without worrying. It is not if he takes a controlling view of women that is completely at odds with our culture and way of life.

I would challenge that as sexist. Point out that in these days of equality it is not the mans job to be the provider any more than it is the womans job to stay home. Did his Dad say anything?

Why does DSS know about your financials, begs the question?

I take it DSS wasn't going to pay for lunch was he? He expected you to pay for it

That's probably what I would have told him , fine you want to be the provider then you can pay for lunch and get up and walk out

@grinandslothit Perfect response!

Working class women have always worked, not always outside the home, but they always worked, their is plenty of evidence way before the C19th. An unmarried woman was called a spinster because they span for money.

I’m glad you agree.

The first census records date from the 19th century, hence my reference to that. There is less data from before that, but we know the Industrial Revolution created jobs for men and women, and before that cottage industries (at home) involved the whole family, including mothers and daughters.

There have also been many powerful women leaders in British history, going all the way back to Boudicca.

‘Yeah? Well it’s nice to hear you’ll work very hard to earn enough money. And if you don’t manage to make enough you’ll just have to stay single as you obviously can’t say all that and then expect a woman to work to prop up someone who thinks she’s less human’

Yassssss clap 👏

100% this. This is not knowledge he needs to have and passing judgement is inappropriate. Your DP should have a man to man talk with him about manners, if nothing else. What is their relationship like generally and how do you get on with him?

There's no reason to think they've been talking to him about who earns more. Depending on job types it may be obvious. If OP is a doctor and her DH a binman, for instance, it's not hard to work out who's likely to earn more.

Hope he paid for his own lunch!

He is being drawn into the manosphere. I woundnt be upset. I would start marshaling my arguments. You should point out that a life of dependence on a womens free labour is hardly manly. If he wants to be the provider he better start working really hard and provide. Unfortunately lots of this generation have these sad opinions. I thank god everyday that many young women dont have to live as bonded servants to a weak sad generation who really dont know what being a real man's means.