Financial support

it’s a very umc thing to uplift future generations & the wealth tends to build up. I sold my flat to parents paying cash for it to house their daughter. It’s a massive step up in life but a lot don’t acknowledge it.

We are not totally there yet as ds is in his final year of Uni.
We are both decent earners, with good savings, but don't go OTT on splashing out. The main thing is we rented until ds was 11, and I am 7 years older than dh, so our mortgage takes us right till retirement.
We pay ds's rent on his student accommodation and will help him out if he needs it.
Once he is working I hope he won't need financial help but if he does we will probably help him , it helps that he is an only child.

You can only help as much as you can afford. Some people have high paying careers and some don't. Twas ever thus. You could look at it like you're children have had to stand on their own two feet and have learnt resilience whereas the kids who expect money and houses from parents are a little bit entitled.

I don't think it's helpful either, OP, the money will run out one day if kids don't learn to stand on their own two feet and live beyond their means.

I also wonder whether the people who are doing this think about what will happen when they retire too? I supported my kids through uni and treat them every so often now, but now any spare money is going in my pension so I can retire at 60 and enjoy it! They came first all the time they were growing up, but it's our time now!

I can comment from the perspective of a child who got very little in a way of financial assistance.
My mum had a chronic pain issue a few years ago and she had to go part time for a little bit while she was undergoing treatment. She was very worried about how she will be able to afford it. I questioned her because I knew she had some savings. She then told me that she is keeping these savings untouched as my inheritance. I was absolutely livid! I do not and have never expected my mother to help me in any shape or form, least of all go without so I can enjoy my inheritance. It's not right. I am adult and I paid for everything my entire life and will continue doing so.
So, I am afraid, I find it very hard to relate to your children who "hoped" you would have done more. You brought them up to be adults, now it's their turn to be adults.

The thing is when everyone around you has help it makes things much harder. I would say 90% of my friends (including me) had some form of help onto the ladder. The ones who didn’t have help have it harder and some had to leave London to get on the ladder. For me having that earlier help meant I could stay p/t.

@CalamityJane81 Why is your adult child working part time in a low paid job ?

I think your eldest being 'a little resentful' should be the main point of discussion here. I think she's got a real cheek to be thinking like that.

I think the poster asked because your dc sounds very entitled. My dad is really poor due to gambling. I am angry with him for having put my mum and us children through hardships when I grew up but now I don't hold it against him. I'm an adult- why should I presume that my parents should help me out financially. In many cultures it's the opposite expectation which is just as bad.

I asked because you have shared your eldest is resentful that they don’t receive much financial support. However, your child is actively choosing to work part time in a low paid role and yet is looking for more financial support from you ? .

Lots of women have careers and work full time (like myself). How is your , I presume daughter, planning to help support her own children financially when they become older ?

@CalamityJane81we were given some money towards our last car, it just mean less out of our savings and more into our dcs ISAs

Just explain to your children that working part time had an effect on your earning potential but you are glad you gave them the childhood you did, days out etc.
That child working part time will be in the same situation.

My 3 teenagers often ask why we don't have as much money as their friends, I explain the differences in out situations.

I have 3 kids, they may only have 2.
I got married at 30, they may have gotten married late 30s.
They always worked full time as had grandparents for childcare, saving a fortune.
Every situation is different

It's not parents' job to give adult children handouts. It's parents job to feed, educate, nurture and launch into adulthood.

And yet if someone starts a thread on MNs about having another dc many posters will ask can they fund uni, house deposit etc for an additional child.

See id have been embarrassed and feel as though I was taking the piss taking money off my parents for things I could easily afford myself

Yes, I've seen that, maybe that's contributing to low birth rate.

I don't think children need all that. It's a nice to have.

I grew up in poverty and had nothing. I have always worked and provided for my own kids - now they are mostly adults I don’t have the kind of income to help them financially but I help in other ways . Eg - they can stay at home for a lower rent and this allows them to save for their own deposit .

@Timeforachange26my parents had help too from their parents, it’s just goes down the line. Plus my parents have far more money due to huge equity gains & pension schemes that no longer exist. It’s either give some away now or leave even more to the taxman.