Financial support

I’m from a council estate and grew up on benefits but through education I have been able to obtain a masters degree and have a career. I got no financial help bar cheap board to enable me to get on the property ladder.

My partner has had a lot of support , never paid for a car, gifted house deposit and we have had renovations paid for by his parents.

We are saving in a stocks and savings isa for our children (who are under 5) for house deposits and uni fees. I’d be reluctant to financially support someone who is actively choosing to work part time and in a low paid role whilst moaning and not trying to better themselves @CalamityJane81

You’d be surprised, ime. Assets and investments generate more income, so while money is passed down, in many cases it is simultaneously being built passively and actively.

@nomaswell affordability is definitely impacting birth rates.

Down the lines of the rich obviously None of my family have ever been rich enough to pass money " down the lines". Maybe as it's expected the receivers dont feel shame

Id still feel ashamed

@CalamityJane81my parents didn’t actually give me much when I was younger, I had a Saturday/holiday job at school and worked to support myself at uni but as I said I had help with a house deposit and they are keener to offload cash now. I do have some friends that get a load of support eg uni, big house deposits, renovations, private school fees etc but I assume their parents can’t think of better uses for the money so why not.

@Timeforachange26well I wouldn’t call myself rich, my parents certainly weren’t rich when they came to London as immigrants looking for work but in their culture families help each other so it’s normal for many. My parents are pretty comfortable now just due to how housing has gone. It’s very ingrained in me (culturally perhaps) to help my dc with certain things so I have saved for them since birth. I don’t see what there is to feel shame about?

Would you not leave any inheritance to your dc because you would see it as shameful?

I said ID feel ashamed accepting money from parents when I could easily afford stuff myself.

What has that got to do with inheritance?

And if you can afford to save for kids since birth then that definitely makes you comfortable at least.

I couldn't save for kids AND pay the mortgage/ bills AND provide experiences for them during childhood

I don’t think you went wrong at all, it sounds like your dc grew up in a loving home with lots of experiences.

My parents have given significant financial support towards my house. It's meant I can give my children a better childhood and build up assets to help them later too. I'm not sure why you wouldn't if you can, but there's nothing wrong with choosing different things that you think add more to your kids lives over money.

So inheritance isn’t shameful then?

My help for deposit came from an inheritance my parents received, same for the car, again very normal for parents to hand it down. Anything I inherit from my parents will mainly go to my dc.

Lots of older parents start to “dispose” of cash to reduce future inheritance bills and of course you can give an amount to your dc annually that is except. Again I don’t see why that’s shameful 🤷🏻‍♀️

The shameful thing is accepting money you don't need . But if you have rich parents then maybe it's different.

Sounds like your parents weren't exactly badly off getting inheritance they didn't need and could just pass on.

My parents never inherited a penny from grandparents. Everything they had they worked for themselves. We were brought up in the same vein

My parents made very sensible decisions - they didn’t spend masses on days out / gifts / eating out / holidays when we were growing up, but they have been able to give us help for deposits, uni costs and now home renovations.

We don’t need this money anymore - but it’s making a huge difference to our overall quality of
life to have it. It’s also meant that I’ve always known there was a safety net if I needed it. To leave a relationship. To leave a job. To take a few risks when I was younger and to say ‘yes’ to some amazing opportunities. Things I could not have done if I had to be completely driven to earn enough for the bills with no back up plan available.

We are doing the same for our kids - we prioritise saving for the future so don’t spend everything on days out & holidays so we can give them help for the big things when they need it.

So if you don’t “need” an inheritance you shouldn’t accept it because that’s shameful? I think that a bizarre way of thinking. And how do you quantify need?

My gps lived till their 90s so my parents were already mortgage free, retired, etc so they didn’t have much use for the money.

I would not believe everything you read to be honest. If my own mother was on here she would tell you shes basically bankrolled me my whole life and practically raised my kid. Shes done neither, quite the opposite in fact but in her delulu mind shes a saint, a scholar and a financier. Never worked a day in her life and inherited the house she lives in but we never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

@Timeforachange26 i don’t understand why you think it’s shameful to accept money you don’t need?
we give ds money - he and his partner have a joint income of around £140k I’m guessing - he’s our son why wouldn’t we want to treat him?

Why are you still rambling on about bloody inheritance. I never said a word about that you brought it up

It's shameful to ponce/ accept money that you don't need GROM LIVING PEOPLE WHO CAN USE IT THEMSELVES if that makes things bloody clearer to you and stops you rambling on about inheritances

I said ID find it embarrassing. Asbi pointed out earlier it's the rich that seem to be able to accept handouts without shame. Not those of us brought up to pay out own way

That’s not what you said above - you said it’s shameful to accept money you don’t need from people who can use it themselve

You've done more than enough. You need to take what you read on MN with a pinch of salt. Someone is more likely to post a brag about how much they help their adult DC than post to say they don't do anything.
I don't know anyone who's having their mortgage paid by their parents. I know very few people who could afford it even if they went without any luxuries.