MIL ignoring DS allergies

Is she trying to prove a point? Or did the silly cow really just fancy eating some nuts that much? I would keep this incident in mind in the future when you and husband have split. Can you trust this man to put your child’s safety and health a priority? Because he isn’t doing that now.

Does your MIL have her own place still that she and your not-so-DH can go live in? They can have all the nuts their selfish hearts desire there.

I'm so sorry you and your child are going through this. I can only imagine how scary it would have been for a kid to experience anaphylaxis, but it must also be devastating for them to know that their Dad and Grandma don't particularly care if it happens again.

I'd be contacting your Dr to ask them to explain the dangers of nut allergies to your husband, and asking for referrals to therapy for your kid who now knows his Dad doesn't rate his actual life over the threat of his Grandma not being able to scoff nuts in bed for 7 days. Shame on them both. Raging for you OP.

Why the absolute ever loving fuckity FUUUCK are you allowing this filthy, revolting woman to live in your home? These things you list are just what you’re aware of…………

Ask for their shopping receipt and take photos of that, take photos of her and him with the nuts, and use them in the divorce and custody proceedings...

Edited for typo

Also 3 bags. I mean they didn't just buy nuts they bought loads of nuts. It's so deliberate and unecessary. I have no words

I think that you need to contact a domestic abuse charity such as Women's Aid or Rights of Women for advice and support. I'd even consider reporting her MIL to the police as this sounds like a deliberate attempt to do harm to her own grandchild backed up by your pathetic mummy's boy of a husband.

What is your financial situation like? I would speak to a solicitor about making him and his toxic mother leave your home. They are both safeguarding risks to your DS. Your DH sounds weak and under his mum's thumb but your MIL sounds positively evil. You were kind enough to let her live in your house and this is how she repays you? Fuck that!

Also just saw your kid is 4. How does your husband expect him to learn how to manage a potentially fatal allergy if he’s teaching him that medical advice is optional and it’s probably fine?

I’d be furious OP. They are both disgraceful. I am sorry your DH an isn’t taking this seriously and telling his mother no.

Oh gosh, he gets worse. Sounds like he wants to marry his mummy.

Wow, what an idiot she is. That is a hill i’d die on, she needs to bin them immediately.

they be going straight in the bin, along with your husband and his silly cow of a mum. She only bought those nuts as you’ve said they can’t be in the house to prove a point/get one up on you or stir trouble for no reason. No way would I be leaving her around my kid. No way. Tell her to get rid or she will not be allowed near your child, even in the same house. Or lock her up in her room 😬

Your DH doesn’t seem to understand that MiL eating the nuts in her room won’t make any difference. She will have particles of them on her hands, clothing, face, on her breath, and she’ll leave traces where she sits, on door handles, surfaces etc. And for some with severe allergies small particles in the air are enough to trigger a reaction. Your DH is prioritising his mothers’ wants over his own sons’ needs - his life. I don’t think l could get past this OP - I’d be asking them both to leave, or taking my son and leaving them to get on with it.

I’d be using any time in that two weeks to arrange alternative accommodation for either myself and my child, or those two. And then two out of the four of you move out.

You’d have grounds to deny unsupervised contact, too, given their cavalier attitude to your child’s safety.

Your husband is worse than his mum.
Throw the nut away immediately, even if it causes a scene. It could kill your child.

I’d go ape shit about this.

H needs to know you’ll divorce him and use this as evidence he gets very limited contact with your DS.

Honestly, if moving out with DS is an option, I’d do it.

If not, get rid of the nuts and then record the conversation you will have with tyour husband and his mother. This will be evidence he’s an unfit father and can’t be trusted.

I am assuming the marriage is over now that he’s taken his stupid mother’s side.

Has she done this on purpose or does she regularly buy 3 bags of nuts?

I'm so sorry to hear about ds.
Your mil is dangerous and a threat to him.
Your dh is putting the desire to please mil over the safety of his own child.
This will continue to happen.
Honestly he sounds awful

In a similar situation with thick relatives, a friend advised them that if her child had an anaphylactic reaction again due to their insistence on feeding him nuts, she’d be going to the police to ask that they be charged with assault or attempted murder given they’d been present when the doctors explained the consequences of the child’s allergy.

My son has a nut allergy and he did find out which specific nuts but we were told to avoid those bags of nuts anyway as the manufacturing process can mean a lot of nut cross contamination apparently, and it saves muddles where you say 'he cant eat almonds but everything else is ok' then a few hours later the person thinks oh he can eat almonds but not everything else.

As he got older he can manage his allergy himself and even eats the nuts he is allowed, but as a young child we avoided all nuts and didnt have them in the house.

Your MIL is awful for doing this. I rarely say that.

Agree.

It’s like when a young child is testing boundaries isn’t it 🤦🏻‍♀️

Bin the nuts every time. Make sure your arsehole H is at your son's appointments and tell the consultant in front him that your H insists on having nuts in the house. Hopefully consultant will put this in the outcome letter. Discuss this with your GP too, that he's refusing to follow advice. You're going to leave him anyway and quite right too. It's unlikely you will be told it's okay to eat some nuts and not others. My DD has a very severe allergy and although there's a range of nuts she's specifically allergic to, the guidance has always been to avoid all nuts. The proteins are so similar and any nut can cause a life-threatening reaction.

My concern is when you leave him. Your H and MIL will have your kid unsupervised at times and are clearly not going to take good enough care of him of him.

I’m sorry but her actions sound deliberate to me. A gigantic FUCK YOU!

Yes, nuts go in the bin, but this is a bigger problem isn’t it? 💐

If I’ve got the chronology correct - she bought the nuts after the allergy incident/no nuts in the house warning?

And your DH was in on this too?

If so there’s something worrying going on here.

Has your Mil (and husband) got her old house? If so there’s a simple solution.