AIBU to wonder if our shared money arrangement is unusual?

That's how my grandparents managed money and it seemed to work for them. I think it was quite common back in a day for a man to give his salary to his wife to manage day-to-day spending. Personally, I am not interested in managing all financial decisions for the family, it's just another form of "wife labour" alongside cooking and cleaning so it's a no from me.

Ha ha ha, that’s funny.

It is by law if you’re married.

I wasn’t talking about inheritance though, I was talking about regular income. I’d be worried if you got sick and your spouse thought you were a gold digger for needing money.

Why?

We get paid into our own accounts. We then transfer a set amount each into the joint account to cover all joint household bills. I deal with all bills, everything is in my name other than the mortgage which is joint. I sort all DDs or renewals for insurance etc. I pay for all holidays, Christmas and DC birthdays on a CC then DH sends me his half. DH just doesn’t have any interest in any of it, wouldn’t know where to look for a good deal and wouldn’t pick up emails if things needed renewing or reviewing. It’s not necessarily a choice of mine, more so a necessity to enable our house to function.

I did that calculation purely for the purposes of this thread. DH and I probably haven't discussed it in over 20 years!! I don't think that counts as totting up bills! 😂

Unusual in that you seem to sort all the financial stuff out.

Most of our money goes into a joint account, savings etc. then we each have the same play money for separate hobbies etc.

But we are both fully involved in managing our finances.

We have the same set up as you , although now the kids are left home we have £250 a month each. I deal with everything when we first got together I was recently divorced and my ex who worked ,controlled the money has taken out a 2nd mortgage I was not aware of until he left. I find thousands of pounds off sent when I married my present husband I swore they would never have full control . He agreed we would do everything together for 2 months we did a meeting to discuss finances and then it defaulted to me . If he wants to spend anything he asks if we can afford it. But then I never spend anything with out discussing it either. 40 years later I worry about what will happen if I die before him. And have begun insisting on monthly meetings , to date he has found a reason not to have one , he is really not interested in money at all. Therefore I have written everything down and my daughter knows where to find it to help him if the day ever comes. He could not tell you how much any of our bills are or how much we have in savings but he is happy with the status quo

Nope similar set up.

Dh had poor money skills when we were younger so I manage all the finances. I sot him down a couple times a year and show him the spreadsheet and bank accounts

Why?

Whatever works for you.

Fair enough :)

I expect there are a lot of people who do it in a similar way to you.
we do it totally differently but in a way that works for us.
both our wages go into a joint account then once bills are accounted for and joint savings are contributed towards we each have half of what’s left to transfer into our personal accounts. I then transfer mine into different accounts, some for personal spending and some for personal savings. He probably does the same with his but I actually don’t know what he does in terms of spending/saving.

We’ve always done this. All money into one pot and I’ve always been in charge of it.

I’m trying to get DH more involved in case I croak unexpectedly!

before kids, we earned equally. After kids, I worked fewer hours and took on more of the kids and household, and he worked way more so outearned me by 10 x.

This is exactly how we’ve always done it but we don’t use our separate accounts. From day 1 I’ve dealt with the wages, bills etc. they just go into our joint account and we spend from there. My husband never checks the bank account and his salary is over 5 times mine a month 😂

We have almost exactly the same setup the only difference is we don't have our own spending accounts. And we're high earners so I don't think it's linked to earnings as one poster suggested. Works for us.

Disagree it's not both. We're a high earning family and have the same setup except we don't have separate accounts for personal spends, we use a credit card we each have for any purchases so presents aren't an issue.

Yes I agree - what's not to respect, exactly?

I can't see why. They are happy to divide responsibility. He does his share it seems in working hard and being frugal. And putting their joint interests first.

Fully agree - we have our different roles, my husban does the washing and most cleaning, I do the finances - what's not to like? We work together to our individual strengths.

We're the same, we don't have our own accounts.

That's a very sad approach and not what marriage is about. Marriage is about unity and being a team ' in good times and bad' not individualism.

We share everything and I’m a SAHM and DH has never ever challenged me on anything I spend or given me pocket money etc. not everyone is controlling of weird about money. I spend way more than DH, he doesn’t care,

Goodness you sound entitled and grabby, this reflects badly on you not on a partner.

I never understand where people keep money seperate in a marriage and view things like inheritances as 'mine'. It's not the legal position so why view it that way? Odd that people attach high value to this financial position/ independence but are happy to create a person together, feels like an odd value split.