AIBU to wonder if our shared money arrangement is unusual?

We are similar. Everything goes to one account and we each have personal spending money sent to our own accounts. It’s very fluid though and if one of us needs more for a bigger purchase it’s no issue. DH used to do the budgeting but I do it now. I’m more interested in it and better at it. DH has access to everything so is aware of how much is spend where.
DH does all the pension related stuff though as he is more interested in that.

My DH barely even knows his salary.

😳 I'd be concerned by this

A 'death' folder sounds fantastic.

I wouldn't think of it as that unusual. DH and I pay all our bills and food from one joint account. We have individual 'working' accounts and individual savings accounts. However we've made all our accounts joint just in case one of us dies - so that the other can easily access funds without some of the issues that can arise from wills (or lack of wills) and power of attorney. I manage and set up the accounts because I like to make money work so I'm always looking for the best rate. DH has little interest in this. Left to him we'd be thousands of pounds out of pocket. We joke that I'll head off with the money and never be seen again. I don't think he realises some of the accounts exist. If you're good with money it makes sense that you control it for both your sakes.

Exactly the same here, I manage everything and love my spreadsheets. We have been married for 30 years and it's always worked really well, wouldnt suit everyone but each to their own. We put 85% of our net monthly salary into the joint account and the other 15% we can do what we like with.

My husband didn’t see the inside of his (our) bank account for close to ten years. Absolutely no interest, happy for me to just crack on. However, I decided that I wanted him to take a bit of responsibility, like an actual grown up, so he downloaded the apps and now is much more involved. It probably is slightly more understandable when I mention that I’m an accountant, and that we are fortunate enough to not have to worry about money at all, so it didn’t make any real difference, I just thought it was time he joined in with the adult world…!

Why?

Nope, access all areas 😁
But I can see your point!

Yes, nearly identical for us. My DH barely even knows his salary.

The only difference is we maintain our separate accounts and are paid into those. We then transfer the bulk to the joint such that we leave ourselves about £300 each which is our ‘pissing away’ money.

I totally respect my very 'manly' husband even though i handle our all in one pot finances.
Our relationship is completely equal ,fair and mutually respectful regardless.
He's better than me at lots of things , i'm better than him at others ,family finances inc.

My DH & I have separate accounts, we have been doing it since we got married, both high earners. He pays all the bills, I pay for our DS’s tutors, I buy clothes for all of us, and I often buy things for home - bedding, home furnishings, things that make our home cosy and pretty. We are fine with it, to some people these arrangements might seem odd but i genuinely don’t get it why someone wouid even find it odd, I mean, to each their own! Just like I couldn’t imagine making a comment about a couple who have a shared account, it’s their business how they run their finances. I don’t understand comments like “cannot get my head around his and hers money when you are sleeping with someone, running a house and raising a family together.” Well, we do this, get over it. It doesn’t make us less committed to each other, or sneaky, or anything you are implying us to be. Like I said, to each their own. Why to be so judgy 🙄

I think a joint account for household and family stuff is a good idea. However we read on MN all the time about women trying to get away from abusive men and they don’t have any money. It’s a disaster to completely rely on the other partner / spouse.

Have you got your own savings etc ? If things went wrong he could cut you off in a second.

I think it’s fine if you’re both happy.

The only thing is, what would he do if anything happened to you? Would he even be able to cope, having had no input re money all his life?

But if anything happened to him could you do it all yourself? You have full access and know where the money goes and who all the bills are with ?
Not suggesting it’s the case , but I could see this being a green light for financial abuse.

When I grew up my mum was responsible for budgeting- my dad was and is completely useless. In my relationship only dh is working and he really wants to deal with bills etc himself even though I told him I could do it. I'm quite happy not having to think and I trust him completely. We each have a monthly allowance.

Yes, see my second paragraph there.

Actually, the baseline legal position in the UK is that an inheritance is not part of the marital assets. That doesn't mean it won't be considered, but it isn't automatically shared. Keeping it separate, and not putting it in a joint account, is generally fairly sensible unless you are happy to share it come what may.

We have joint finances but I still consider myself to be financially independent. I earn slightly more than my DH, we both have our salaries paid straight into the joint account. How does this mean I'm not financially independent?

Because it works for us. It's that simple. I'd never marry someone who expected to pool finances.

Financial independence is important to me, I'm not sure why that has anything to do with having a child. Marriage/children doesn't mean I can't also still be my own person.

I never understand where people keep money seperate in a marriage and view things like inheritances as 'mine'. It's not the legal position so why view it that way? Odd that people attach high value to this financial position/ independence but are happy to create a person together, feels like an odd value split.

Goodness you sound entitled and grabby, this reflects badly on you not on a partner.

We share everything and I’m a SAHM and DH has never ever challenged me on anything I spend or given me pocket money etc. not everyone is controlling of weird about money. I spend way more than DH, he doesn’t care,

That's a very sad approach and not what marriage is about. Marriage is about unity and being a team ' in good times and bad' not individualism.