Unhappy that husband wants to go on lads long weekend right after being away for work

It's unfortunate that the timing is a bit shit but not his fault . You should really say he should go and try and try to sound upbeat about it.

I really think it shouldn't be a big deal to parent one four year old child by yourself . If you don't fancy being alone could you go visit your parents ? Or meet up with a friend with kids for pizza , etc.

It's a one off . Be gracious.

I wouldn’t be thrilled either, but would accept that the timing is not his fault. I would absolutely be booking myself some time away the next weekend, though. And I’d be telling him he needs to not be giving himself a week-long hangover leaving me to do everything once he gets back too.

This is mumsnet, where week long stag do's visiting brothels is fine and all in good fun, so don't expect anyone to give a shit about you, your exhaustion, or fairness.

Make sure you book a long weekend away and ensure he's there to do all parenting. Massage, girls night, bubbly, long lies, the lot. Do not make excuses, just do it.

You're owed it.

I would get on with it and have time to myself the next time I could. I have said multiple times recently: normal adult things don't need to stop just because a couple has children

and not saying the OP does this but the idea that mums need to be glued to their children because they seperation anxierty does not mean fathers have to do the same

And no one needs to be a martyr couples just have to work it all out like adults

My thoughts too. Its not that difficult. If OP wants time away fine she can voice that and have the weekend after. Sorted right? I dont see the drama...

YANBU my ex husband coming and going as he pleased essentially contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. My career took a hit and the resentment ate into the relationship. But he still did what he pleased. Not saying your relationship is like that but I think it’s worth looking at the bigger picture. Do think feel fair/even between you?

As long as he knows he owes you and you actually book to go away somewhere or say out or what not with your own friends.

Could you do something special like a little haven caravan with entertainment or a theme park/farm/soft play? Then you can let him burn some energy
Then chippy tea and movie night!

The timing is annoying but it’s not the crime of the century.

You need a plan to fill the 3 days. Go visit family? Take a little mini break - ferry to england and take him to CBeebies land. Something fun to make it special for you and him. A confidence booster that you can do it alone.

He does everything on the Weds and Thurs evenings before he leaves, sets it up for success for you. Its 1 x 4 year old, not a toddler, nor a newborn baby.

The fact that you dread it so much suggests to me that he is normally an equal partner so you miss him doing his share. If he was a lazy useless man, him being away wouldn't make a difference, as you'd be doing it all anyway.

You and your child together are his family and should always come first.

Not his mates.

He is pulling the man rank thing here.
I think you need to have a long talk with him about what you expect from him as a father and a husband.

He is getting of lightly.

Trouble is if you make it an issue out of it, then (depending on how you involved your with with his work and work colleagues, and if they post stuff up on social media), the next time he wants to go out on a lads weekend, he'll just say he's going away for work.

Now that I have context, I can see why you are annoyed - but it's more that it's part of a pattern than this particular event, which on its own seems fine. He clearly has no idea how hard and draining looking after a four year old is. I suggest that you agree to it and book a weekend away leaving him in sole charge just so he gets a taste of it.

Reading this has really taken me back, OP! I used to hate it when this happened, I'd seethe inside even though I knew I was being a bit pathetic not wanting to be with my own darling children without help 😂

It didn't happen very often but after the second or third time I thought I'd be buggered if I was going to let this make me miserable, so I changed everything up with the DC: we went to the movies, we ate McDonalds (never done before!), we watched telly under blankets on the living room on the sofa cushions, we went out for breakfast (fluffy pancakes!) etc. We just did stuff we never ordinarily did. It was cute.

Do you have a car? Can you go somewhere with your DS? Somewhere with lots of outdoor stuff to do eg a long, long walk (maybe uphill!) followed by a pub lunch, doing somewhere and something that will tire him out and where he wont be talking at you non-stop?

Hes a lazy shite!

He gets loads of time off from parenting. Does he not realise how hard working and solo parenting is?

Another immature man child.

I think it’s a bit sad that you can’t cope with your own child for a week or so on your own .
Try and enjoy the time with him instead of worrying about it ?

Here here.

Oooh op don't you know you blow everyone's minds when they realise not everywhere is the same as London.

I’m not sure about that logic - my baby was intense and didn’t sleep, my dh was useless but he was a morning person and 5-7ish was the only time ds really slept, so dh would take him after that on the weekend and that’s the only block of sleep I would get in the week. Obviously didn’t occur to him off his own bat, I had to tell him that time wasn’t available for a run, but it was very important to me to get a tiny bit of sleep two days a week. So he wasn’t much use but I did feel I would simply fall over and not get back up if I didn’t get the one thing he did do. When you’re really exhausted that tiny bit of help is an essential lifeline keeps you from tipping over the edge. It doesn’t mean the ops dh does a lot, it means he’s there and has working arms and legs.

I agree that it's unfortunate timing. What I'd do is explain that it's a lot so you'll need a weekend off too in the near future. Organize something with your friends or family for a couple of weeks after he returns. You deserve your downtime as well :-)

I can never understand when a parent complains that they have to parent their own child by themselves. I get it's hard looking after a lively 4 year old but it's only for a few days & it's a nice time to have with your child 1 on 1. If you're not used to being on your own with your child at a weekend then plan a little outing to the park or a soft play one day then have a craft session at home the next day. Plan a movie night with them & get them ready for bed an hour earlier so when the clocks change it's not such a big deal getting them into bed on time. Try not to stress about being on your own & let your DH go away & enjoy himself without feeling guilty. There'll come a time when you need a weekend off/away with the girls & you can leave him to entertain little one without feeling bad.

I think YABVU, you need to separate out the work trips from the lads weekend, presumably you signed up for the work situation?

Also, being annoyed about him going to his parents when he has kiddo is really weird, why wouldn't he? He isn't shirking his responsibility, he's turning a boring few days stuck at home into a nice opportunity to spend some time with family.. so weird you would object to that.

What October bank holiday?

I also don’t see the issue with a lad’s trip after a work trip.

I think you are being unreasonable tbh. I also don’t see the relevance of the clocks going back.

If it’s a rare occurrence him going away wih his friends then it’s just unfortunate that it’s landed on this week that he is working away too.

dh worked away when we had 2 under 3, it was tricky at times but was only for a fortnight at a time then home for the weekend. You just have to make the best of the time you have.

do you have friends that you can arrange a play date with or a day out somewhere fun to tire the children out?

I say suck it up this time and book yourself a nice long weekend with some friends