Unhappy that husband wants to go on lads long weekend right after being away for work

Soon DH is away 3 days in the week but practically won't be around for 4 because of a very early start and a late return. He is then away the weekend after he's back from work, it's just the way it's fallen not ideal but it is what it is. I'm actually quite looking forward to having a weekend with just ds and so is he, we've got some fun Halloween type stuff planned, there is an event thing we're going to one afternoon, and we're going to go and see the new Shaun the sheep film at the cinema on the Sunday, I'll probably let him stay up a bit on the Saturday and have something easy for dinner like make your own pizzas. He's a bit older than yours he's 7 but neurodivergent so very full on. Can you not just reframe it as a mummy DS weekend? Might change your you get through it

The bigger problem you have is that your child is 4 and his father has only looked after him alone once!!

A 4 year old isn't a toddler

I was in a similar situation to the DH once, I was away for two weeks when my kids were 6 and 4. By chance, my best friend planned a weekend away for her 40th a day after I got back. I felt so bad but the 40th trip with all the friends together truly was a once off. We haven't done it before or since. If it's something like this I think it's fair for him to go.

People are scratching their heads that there is a world out of London. So hilarious.

The OP has explained twice she's in Ireland. Other countries have different bank holidays than the UK.

What 3 day weekend is in October? The next bank holiday is Christmas?

I would suggest not having anymore children if you can't cope with the 1 that you have.

OP, it sounds like you are the parent and he dips in and out.
He has only looked after his child once briefly on his own?

Unbelievable. At least you have only one child.
I would be most concerned that he doesn't want to be around more for his child.
Have you sourced a babysitter to help you and give you back up.

He's not a great dad.

Is your 4 year old particularly hard work OP?

I don’t think this would worry me really. Both DH and I used to go away with friends when our twins were small.

Go out with him for day trips, eat out or get some easy food in/takeaway. And wine for when he’s in bed. It’ll soon pass and then you can plan a trip away with friends.

Have a 3 or 4 day break when you know his parents aren't available to help.

I say suck it up this time and book yourself a nice long weekend with some friends

If it’s a rare occurrence him going away wih his friends then it’s just unfortunate that it’s landed on this week that he is working away too.

dh worked away when we had 2 under 3, it was tricky at times but was only for a fortnight at a time then home for the weekend. You just have to make the best of the time you have.

do you have friends that you can arrange a play date with or a day out somewhere fun to tire the children out?

I think you are being unreasonable tbh. I also don’t see the relevance of the clocks going back.

What October bank holiday?

I also don’t see the issue with a lad’s trip after a work trip.

I think YABVU, you need to separate out the work trips from the lads weekend, presumably you signed up for the work situation?

Also, being annoyed about him going to his parents when he has kiddo is really weird, why wouldn't he? He isn't shirking his responsibility, he's turning a boring few days stuck at home into a nice opportunity to spend some time with family.. so weird you would object to that.

I can never understand when a parent complains that they have to parent their own child by themselves. I get it's hard looking after a lively 4 year old but it's only for a few days & it's a nice time to have with your child 1 on 1. If you're not used to being on your own with your child at a weekend then plan a little outing to the park or a soft play one day then have a craft session at home the next day. Plan a movie night with them & get them ready for bed an hour earlier so when the clocks change it's not such a big deal getting them into bed on time. Try not to stress about being on your own & let your DH go away & enjoy himself without feeling guilty. There'll come a time when you need a weekend off/away with the girls & you can leave him to entertain little one without feeling bad.

I agree that it's unfortunate timing. What I'd do is explain that it's a lot so you'll need a weekend off too in the near future. Organize something with your friends or family for a couple of weeks after he returns. You deserve your downtime as well :-)

I’m not sure about that logic - my baby was intense and didn’t sleep, my dh was useless but he was a morning person and 5-7ish was the only time ds really slept, so dh would take him after that on the weekend and that’s the only block of sleep I would get in the week. Obviously didn’t occur to him off his own bat, I had to tell him that time wasn’t available for a run, but it was very important to me to get a tiny bit of sleep two days a week. So he wasn’t much use but I did feel I would simply fall over and not get back up if I didn’t get the one thing he did do. When you’re really exhausted that tiny bit of help is an essential lifeline keeps you from tipping over the edge. It doesn’t mean the ops dh does a lot, it means he’s there and has working arms and legs.

Oooh op don't you know you blow everyone's minds when they realise not everywhere is the same as London.

Here here.

I think it’s a bit sad that you can’t cope with your own child for a week or so on your own .
Try and enjoy the time with him instead of worrying about it ?

Hes a lazy shite!

He gets loads of time off from parenting. Does he not realise how hard working and solo parenting is?

Another immature man child.

Reading this has really taken me back, OP! I used to hate it when this happened, I'd seethe inside even though I knew I was being a bit pathetic not wanting to be with my own darling children without help 😂

It didn't happen very often but after the second or third time I thought I'd be buggered if I was going to let this make me miserable, so I changed everything up with the DC: we went to the movies, we ate McDonalds (never done before!), we watched telly under blankets on the living room on the sofa cushions, we went out for breakfast (fluffy pancakes!) etc. We just did stuff we never ordinarily did. It was cute.

Do you have a car? Can you go somewhere with your DS? Somewhere with lots of outdoor stuff to do eg a long, long walk (maybe uphill!) followed by a pub lunch, doing somewhere and something that will tire him out and where he wont be talking at you non-stop?

Now that I have context, I can see why you are annoyed - but it's more that it's part of a pattern than this particular event, which on its own seems fine. He clearly has no idea how hard and draining looking after a four year old is. I suggest that you agree to it and book a weekend away leaving him in sole charge just so he gets a taste of it.

Trouble is if you make it an issue out of it, then (depending on how you involved your with with his work and work colleagues, and if they post stuff up on social media), the next time he wants to go out on a lads weekend, he'll just say he's going away for work.