AIBU to expect people to respect a shy dog’s boundaries?

Totally agree.

I find it weird that people feel entitled to stroke other people’s pets.

We see people trying to coax our cat all the time when he’s out the front of the house. He couldn’t give less of a care and doesn’t want to be stroked. People do appear to take it personally.

Probably won’t ’say hi’ 😂

With pushy people like this I had to get firm. Dog behind me and “No, she doesn’t want to”.
They are the opposite to the ‘dog experts’ they think they are. Every single person who knows/trains dogs well does not approach like this, so I have no hesitation now being a bit short with them and stepping in front of my dog if they persist.
Is she a yellow Lab? We have a reserved yellow and it’s really annoying when people assume she wants to say Hello to everyone and their dog.

”Probably” isn’t firm enough. Just say no, she’s very nervous and it will stress her out. Then repeat and block if they persist. Stop being so polite to strangers you’ll most likely never see again.

I would never approach a strange dog to pet them.

But from your OP it sound like you arent being clear enough regarding boundaries.

Stop saying “probably won’t say hi” and start saying “no thank you” if that’s what you actually mean.

Firstly, you're being too vague. Tell them to please leave your dog alone.

Secondly don't take the dog to places like this, it doesn't benefit the dog to be amongst many people.

Overall dogs are far more often in spaces that put the dog into the path of unsuitable interactions, events, happenings. Owners could limit this more often.

A dog is not a human.

You're on a hiding to nothing asking the world to react to a dog as if it were a human.

YANBU to be annoyed.

BUT YABVU not to advocate for your dog more. She clearly doesn’t want to say hi, so why make her and ‘work on’ this? It’s not a big issue. Tbh sounds like a dream.

Dogs don’t need to say hi to people and people have no right to say hi. Just tell them no. Mine are all trained to ignore people.

People 100% do this to quiet and reserved children. My daughter has situational mutism and really struggles with strangers and we’ve had plenty of awkward interactions.

Basically some people aren’t intuitive and don’t listen well. You are in charge so you need to be more clear and less worried about being polite. Just say no, don’t be hesitant.

Make up a disease and tell people she’s infectious - also works with “friendly “ non recalling dogs to make the owner actually put a shift on and come and get them. Or try a labelled lead / harness.

I usually think that people who do this are drunk or something. Or just very pushy and oblivious to other's boundaries.
My dog is wary of men, so when a couple of men asked to pet him, that's what I told them. "It's OK, we're gay! they exclaimed. Er OK, my dog doesn't discriminate, and he's still scared of you.

Totally agree with this, particularly difficult if you have a breed which people always want to say Hello to, like a spaniel or a Labrador. My biggest best tip is to get one of those sleeves for the Lead, you can get ones that say give me space, or ask to Pet, or an anxious dog, nervous Dog, there is probably one for shy Dog. We keep one in the car, and then I just slipped on the lead when I feel like he might need a bit of space!

As others have said you need to stop with the “probably won’t say hi” nonsense. What does that even mean anyway? Just say no she doesn’t like being petted.

Not everyone knows about 'dog boundaries'.

I have a somewhat self-contained lab bitch who is generally not interested in meeting random people, but I receive similar comments from those that know better.
Over the years she’s grown confident enough to just walk past them, ignoring them, but still they try to grab her.

Luckily she’s steady and non reactive, but one day they will meet one who isn’t.🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU about boundaries but I agree with others that you need to advocate for your dog more firmly. I don't think I have ever heard a dog described as 'shy' and I think I know what you mean but it's a very soft description. I say 'she doesn't like strangers, sorry' about mine and that works but people rarely want to approach her anyway because she's not a recognisable friendly breed like a lab.

Have you considered getting one of those yellow things for her lead that says I need space? It's been suggested to me before but tbh people so rarely approach mine I haven't bothered.

Worth bearing in mind that you're lucky your dog seems able to stay calm in these situations but the more times you allow her to be made to feel uncomfortable, the more likely she is to react/become reactive at some point. And it won't build her confidence either. That's why it's so important that we advocate for our dogs, they need to be able to trust that we will protect them and that they don't need to take anything into their own hands (paws >.<)

I do wonder about how old your dog is? Their behaviour can change quite a lot around 18 months/2 years as they become an adult so you could be setting yourself up for more of a problem when that happens.

Can you get her one of those little jackets that says I’m shy don’t stroke? I’ve seen peoples dogs in those

I agree with PPs in that you're being too vague and you need to be clearer.
I used to have a collie that was frightened of his own bloody shadow but he looked like a teddy bear. I would walk him on lead and harness that was bright yellow and said "nervous dog" on it. On the rare occasion that people asked to touch him I would say no because I can't guarantee he won't bite you.
I now have a very friendly whippet. She is literally the friendliest dog ever to both people and other dogs. But I recently had an experience where a child asked if he could stroke her, to which I said yes, but he then proceeded to drag her around by her collar. I told him very quickly to let go of her collar because he was being too rough with her and she didn't like it but I then showed him how he should stroke her.

My dog is quite shy and wary of strangers (apart from when we go to the vets, where he marches in with a wagging tail, wanting to greet everyone in the room )

Sometimes he will be up for greeting strangers elsewhere, but he’s usually nervous about them. If I get any sense that he’s not comfortable, I just say he isn’t friendly and people generally back off.

He’s always frightened of tall men and anyone wearing a hat, so I always tell anyone who fits that description that he isn’t friendly.

You have to be clearer. Coming out with long fluffy explanations about how tired she is, how shy she is, what a long day she’s had is too much . Just say No, please don’t pet her! No explanation is needed. I was at a crossing once with a nervous dog I know would have reacted badly if a stranger tried to stroke him. I pressed the button, looked back round and some woman had appeared from nowhere and was trying to stroke his head. I said No! Please don’t touch him! She completely ignored me and tried to stroke him again. I had to pull him away from her before the stupid cow got herself bitten then she made some snotty comment about how she likes to give them a chance (like it’s her business to approach dogs she doesn’t know) and how he can’t be a very nice dog anyway as she walked off. I told her twice to stop. Nobody asked her to touch him in the first place. Some people are just thick. Be firmer and just say No!

I don’t even think you have anything to ‘work on’. Dogs aren’t performing monkeys, they don’t have to be gushy and friendly to strangers. It’s fine for her to be aloof and not interested in strange people. In many ways that’s easier than an overly friendly dog.

Sometimes you do have to be uncomfortably blunt and say ‘Sorry she doesn’t really like interacting with strangers’ and work on blocking access to her with your body so people can’t reach her. I had a deaf older dog who I had to sometimes get quite physical about protecting when people’s dogs would race over because she couldn’t hear them coming and then got a fright when they bounced onto her. So I would block them with my body and keep saying ‘My dog is elderly and deaf, please recall your dog’ until it was done.