AIBU to expect people to respect a shy dog’s boundaries?

You need to advocate for your dog properly.

However in the situation you describe you should have just left the dog in the car with DH and gone in to the pet shop on your own. Don’t put your dog in a situation where they’re expected to be social if they’re not.

A simple
'She doesnt like being touched'

You're going a bit precious here OP.

Whilst Yanbu to say please don’t approach or whatever in the park, as soon as you take your dog to a shop, cafe or pub you are basically saying that they are friendly. If your dog finds encounters with others difficult don’t take them inside

Stop saying 'she's shy' that is ambiguous. Say 'sorry, she doesn't like strangers '

People will understand better.

Agree with this. Life is certainly more diffucult with fussy dogs

OP, why did you take her into the shop with you? If you were just popping in for one thing and you know your dog is shy, why take her somewhere that not only will there be people, but the sort of people who like animals and will therefore be more rather than less likely to want to pet your dog? After a big walk, I would have thought DDog would have been fine left in the car for a few minutes.

Agree with others that you don’t need to ‘work on’ her being friendly to random people. As long as she isn’t growling or barking etc it’s fine for her not to want random strangers touching her. Just like it’s fine for you to not want a random stranger touching you. And yes, if you and your dog find these interactions stressful just leave her in the car or split up differently.

Those leads with 'nervous, 'deaf' etc are SUCH a good idea.

I am good with dogs, dogs like me. I have had a guarding bred before and a daft lab. I always always stand away from the dog and owner and dont make eye contact with the dog. I cannot help but admire a handsome dog though but wouldnt dream of reaching out or worse coming from behind and trying to pat a dog. What do people think is going to happen??

I also see people reaching to dogs that are working and I saw a woman last year telling off a women and her 5 year old for trying to stroke and mess around with a service dog. The Mother went mad with the women and told her to stop telling her child off because he was a child and was getting upset.

What is wrong with some people. Or maybe they all have one brain cell that they share with each other on a daily basis?

I always ask if I can pet someone's dog as the owners should know the dogs temperament. I don't often do this tbf and I am pretty good at reading dog's body language but I would never just dive in there. I usually let them sniff me first anyway.

With cats, I try to pet them all if I could 🥺 cats let you know with their own autonomy 🤣🤣🤣 I usually slow blink them then approach slowly or let them come to me. Love to think am a cat lady, love them all. completely misses point of thread

we had a lovely dog who we managed in the end to train to be so soft and lovely, but at first he could bite if he was scared. it was all a result of his awful abuse including never having been outside so he was a bit overwhelmed by trees sky etc until he got used to it. we had a caution red lead and collar that said do not touch but silly sods would ignore it and try to pet it. thank goodness he never snapped but i would get fed up saying please give him space we are training him.
i always obey peoples instructions they know the animal better than i do

Why would people try and pet a dog that had a red lead/nervous on it? I also think there is some cultural differences in this too. I work with a lot of chinese students and their families and they dont seem to understand that its not safe to pet a dog unasked.

We have a nervous dog who can be reactive if strangers try to touch her. Thankfully she’s a barker not a biter but it’s not fair on her to be stressed out. She wears a bright yellow jacket that says ‘Nervous dog, give me space’ but there’s always some idiot that sees it as a personal challenge.

Because most people don't pay the slightest bit of attention to what a dogs’ lead or coat says. It’s also generally assumed that a dog in a public place like a shop, cafe etc. is friendly because otherwise they wouldn’t be there.

I’m not saying that’s the correct assumption to make but you can understand why - I mean, if I had a nervous dog who wasn’t a fan of being fussed, the last thing I would do is take them into a pet shop which is going to be filled with staff and customers who are all probably going to want to say hello.

I always say hello to dogs I pass but generally don’t touch unless they are wagging and looking really keen to say hello to me.

As others have said, there is nothing for you to work on. Your dog doesn’t need to be trained not to be shy or to be happy with strangers touching them.

You are saying strangers should respect your dog’s boundaries -so should you. Stop putting your dog in situations they aren’t comfortable with eg a pet shop. They may not be a ‘typical’ Labrador and that’s fine. .

There will always be annoying people who want to touch your dog. Be firmer.

Some people have a huge entitlement to other people's pets. I block them bodily from getting too close.

My dog wore a yellow 'anxious' harness and lead for a while but I swapped it back to her pretty pink one because nobody paid it any attention and we had the exact same stuff happening with ot without it.

I have a very anxious dog and so have experienced all sorts. Anyone with an anxious
or reactive dog will confirm the same experience.

I also find there is a certain type of dog walker who seems to think I have made her this way through my own actions so I get plenty of unsolicited advice. Because clearly if I only behaved like they do with their dog, I would suddenly have a super friendly, people and dog-loving pup. I don’t know what gives them this tremendous amount of confidence in their dog rearing abilities but they do indeed walk amongst us!

I accept that my dog doesn’t like being approached randomly and try to control the environment as much as I can to ensure that doesn’t happen. Most people are respectful once you state it clearly. She is then socialised in other, more predictable ways which is considerably less stressful for all concerned.

As a dog owner, I'd say stop taking your dogs into shops, including the pet shop. Why not just get DH to nip in and wait in the car? Also get a yellow lead so people are aware.

I’m glad someone else thought this! If a dog ever says ‘hi’ to me I will start running and I will not look back🤣

Yes, I understand it’s not literal, but it’s a funny image. Also a slightly irritating extension of the anthropomorphism of dogs.

Sorry, but this is a load of rubbish. If a dog is well behaved and minds its own business, you should be able to take it to a shop/cafe/pub without people approaching.

It took me ages at realise other pple (including other dog owners which makes it even more frustrating!) can’t comprehended a dog might have feelings other than the surface level expected of its breed. So they see an Alsatian and wil tend to be more cautious but see a Lab & expect wags & eager friendliness. My rescue Lab was nervous /occasionally reactive & even with a yellow harness saying Nervous Dog! Do not approach - pple still did. The only other problem is that some pple take their dogs in dog friendly public spaces like Pets at Home as a nice part of their outing for food etc & so pple expect if you’re somewhere public, your dog must like being in these spaces & is well socialised. Easier for me because I had to avoid those kind of outings with my dog - whereas yours is just “shy”.
I’d question if it is just shyness & that she’s actually anxious. I’d be vocally a lot firmer that she’s nervous with strangers, be anticipating on coming other people more & proactively protecting her & moving out of the way from well meaning requests to pat her etc. Most pple should ask permission before they pat someone else’s dog - but they don’t - or get offended if you decline. Just got to be more assertive I think.

She's not the equivalent of a shy child. She's a dog. Keep her away from people if you don't like how they act.

I have this exact situation and it's become a vicious circle now where I am anxious that she will be approached and my anxieties are obviously picked up on by my dog, which probably makes her anxious before she is even approached.

Its sad because she is a lovely dog and she is having her walks restricted and confined because of other humans behaviours.

If we walk passed the park we only go in if there are no off lead dogs.

My dog doesn't attack off her own back. She is kept on lead at all times in public spaces and she would never approach another dog. She has no interest in them.

But if a dog approaches she gets scared and either growls in defence or tries to bolt which freaks me out so badly because I had a dog that got chased by another dog out of a park and she got run over.

So I have a terrible fear of her escaping her harness and running.

So many times I have shouted to owners to please keep their off lead dogs away and they have absolutely no control over their dogs. At all.

Many make no attempt to come and grab their dogs. Some become angry that I am asking them to keep their dogs away.

All the time i get 'Don't worry, he is friendly!!'

🙄

Well, thats nice. But my dog may not be if yours gets in her face!

But them somehow I am the irresponsible owner fo having a fear reactive dog on a lead.

What do you want me to do? Put her to sleep?? Never walk her? Walk her at 3am.

She has a right to walk on lead in a public park and if your off lead dog approaches with no recall, thats a YOU problem.

She is a pug by the way, incase people are picturing some XL bully!

I really do not think dogs should be off lead in public places. I know a lot of dog owners will disagree.

And there are some that really do put the work in and train and have impeccable recall and it is unfair to those people. But the vast majority do not.

So I think for safety all round dogs should be on lead in public and maybe have fenced designated dog areas in larger councils run parks for dogs to have some off lead walks in a controlled environment.

And of course there are private fields for hire quite cheap. Perhaps there could be dog beaches where you can go off lead etc