To feel a bit smug at his new taste of the mental load

76 replies

FreeBros · 13/09/2026 08:02

DH is pretty good and he will always run us around when we need etc BUT it is always me telling him what and where. We’ve discussed the whole mental load before - I have the app for the children’s school, been the one who has organised their clubs and classes, organise the food shopping and meals and what they need for school trips, paid for school dinners, sorted out the play dates and birthday parties etc… historically I’ve been the one taking them places and he will sometimes come but again I organise it all… we’ve now agreed to split this more evenly.

Cue DH signing them up to cubs/beavers. He can’t stop telling me how many emails they are sending him. He can’t believe it. He’ll say “another one!” Every now and again. He has also added himself to the WhatsApp groups for kids classes and can’t believe how active it is. “They are asking about signing up for Christmas stuff already!” and so on…

I am finding it quite amusing but also… no sympathy from me pal! Welcome to my world 😂

OP posts:

CruCru · 17/09/2026 08:30

YRGAM · 13/09/2026 12:35

I agree with this to some extent - for example, even though we communicate with them more or less equally, we both work full time and we are both named as contacts, the school will ALWAYS contact my wife first. Also, I am the only father in my year 2's class Whatsapp group. The only one! This is where all of the unofficial class communication
/PTA things come, and the fact this channel is chosen means the men are completely shut out unless they actively take steps to join the group, which they don't as they see it as a 'mum's group'

However, I do find that you can basically insist on being involved to some extent - this has worked with the youngest's nursery where they will just as likely come to me. But it is a bit of a slog to feel like you are in a small way fighting against wider social expectations

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I remember a thread (from years ago) where a poster’s children’s school had rung her husband about something and she was outraged that they had called him and not her. I think she had a lot of posters saying that it was refreshing that the school hadn’t just called the woman out of habit.

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