To request DD be assessed for autism?

If she’s 17 and at school then my team wouldn’t do an assessment on her without getting information from school or another source (therapist/ tutor/ social worker etc).

if she was diagnosed and wanted support at school then the senco/ teachers would need to know anyway.

Is it not normal for teenagers to feel different? They're still developing their identity and sense of self. Feeling more comfortable around some people and having different types of interactions with different people is normal to is it not? Many people struggle with change. Everyone will have traits that are traits some autistic people have. The key to it being a disorder is it having a significant impact on functioning. Your DD sounds like she is doing very well, sociable, still in education at 17, able to meet her own needs and care for a pet. Part of the diagnostic criteria is symptoms being present since early childhood too. Is there any evidence in early school reports of impaired functioning or development delays?

I know that when my daughter was diagnosed aged 42 it made a tremendous difference to her. She felt she then had ‘permission’ to stop masking and be herself. She got a sunflower lanyard which helps when in crowded places or when travelling, and it got her extra support at university where she was doing her masters. I’m 77 so it is a bit late for an assessment, but her diagnosis and those of her children has made me look more closely at myself and made me realise that I am probably autistic, as was one of my brothers, and that my dad almost certainly was as well. My grandfather died before I was born, but I am sure from what my Granny used to say, that he was probably autistic too.
My grandson who is 16 and has just started college has been able to access a lot of support because of his diagnosis. I think that you should get your daughter assessed. It certainly won’t hurt and could probably benefit her enormously.

You are right, they are still developing. But autism doesn’t always mean developmental delays. I was interviewed as part of my daughter’s assessment and they asked lots of questions about her childhood. I had always thought she was a normal, typical child, with a few behaviours that were just her, and seemed normal to me, because I had been the same as a child. Realised later that could be because perhaps I was autistic too?
My friend’s granddaughter is going to Cambridge this year, my own granddaughter got a first at Oxford. Both autistic. I heard it is not uncommon at those two universities for students to be autistic!

There doesn't need to be a broad development delay, but there does need to be a delay in social communication from early childhood with autism. It's a part of the diagnostic criteria, although it can easily be missed. Especially when speech appears typical for their age.

If you want an NHS one she will be waiting a very long time. Well into adulthood. NHS autism assessment waiting lists are currently very long, with around 294,000 people waiting for an assessment - waiting time varies by trust but she could be waiting up to 3 years.

If she wants one quickly you’ll need to pay private. A few grand.

I would say that if someone thinks they have ASD or their parents think they do, get assessed. Don’t assume that because everything seems to be ticking along reasonably well, that it will always be like this. I wish I had had my eldest assessed sooner. He had a nightmare of a time when he hit his teens. He has the full set with ADHD as well as ASD (and lots of associated physical issues such as hyper mobility and IBS.) Girls are better at masking, probably due to social conditioning, so a 17yo girl could seem just fine at the minute, but that may not last. So many girls are misdiagnosed with other conditions. All those years of thinking they’re unwell when in fact they have ASD.

The vast majority of people behave differently with different people. That’s not masking, it’s adapting to different situations. I didn’t like particular teachers so was more withdrawn in some lessons than others. I loved my English teacher and was very chatty in her classes. I never swear at work, but swear in front of my DH and friends.
If your DD thinks she might be autistic, tell her to speak to her GP and take it from there.

If she went for a diagnosis-whether private or not, any reputable clinicians would be asking the teachers to complete questionnaires as well, so the teachers should be informed as part of the assessment/information gathering process.

The way things are going with seeking and recieving diagnosis for symptoms as described here, the our of the norm will be to not be ADHD or ASD very soon! Then what?

Oh stop with the bullshit. No one who is neurotypical and has no issues is sat around thinking 'you know what I could really do with today? An autism diagnosis'.

I think at her age and stage it’s worth her considering what she might get from a diagnosis.
if she thinks that there are reasonable adjustments that might help her at college and later in the workplace (and she is prepared to be open about her DX to get them put in place), then it’s worth going through the system.
if it’s just a need to know on her part and you can afford to, then I’d go private with a reputable psychiatrist or specialised clinical psychologist.
she sounds very similar to myself as a teen (although you’re clearly doing a far better job of parenting her than I received). I only started to query if I myself might be AS aged 30, after my son got a DX aged 3 (he also had additional learning delays so there was quite a marked difference between him and his peers - he always stood out in groups of children).
I got a psychometric assessment as I was studying and struggling with the so called easy stuff and breezing through the actual real work stuff. It was suggested then that I might be on the spectrum and that was fine as I was well connected in to the autism community through my son so among my people as it were, no issues with isolation or the bullying I had at school etc.
it’s only in latter years I went to seek formal DX as finding things increasingly difficult and was trying to establish the cause. In the event was DX with what they used to call Asperger and inattentive ADHD (so minus the H - although husband thinks it’s very present!). Apparently menopause can cause more issues at that point.

I think the point is that if she finds her tribe that’s the main thing, and she doesn’t need a DX for that. Is it possible to find a local group for intellectually able girls on the spectrum?
the other thing I would say is keep an eye on her mental health as even if she’s good now, this can start to tank a bit as the challenges and demands increase.

basicsllt if she wants to start the process let her. She doesn’t have to tell anyone unless she wants to or needs to for adjustments (and even then she can just say she’s sensitive to light or whatever. I used to pretend I was slightly deaf, cup my ear and turn my head away do I could hear without having to look at their face!)

I got really nervous before my assessment as I’d convinced myself I was over reacting and then worrying about if it I wasn’t on the spectrum, then what was going on as something definitely was!

if she doesn’t want the school involved then maybe wait till she’s 18 or go private - I don’t know the process nowadays but I’d assume at 18 it’s up to her who’s involved.

The autism spectrum isn't a sliding scale of a little bit of autism to a lot autism: its made up of traits that people have so that's why everyone different, read up on it before seeking a diagnosis.

Well if theu are getting 25% more time in exams than everyone else then I am not surprised!
When Reform gets in that nonsense will stop!

What does 'stop masking and be herself' actually look like on the ground, what is different now?

No harm in getting it done. I was assessed at 40, my husband was convinced Im autistic as did his entire family but it turns out I'm not

Absolutely everyone masks. It’s a part of being a sociable human. The term in autism is very much debated and not evidenced- certainly the children I teach with autism can’t mask. At all. They can learn social conventions and it’s hard for them but we do teach them to do this.

She sounds more like the personality type called HSP. She could have social anxiety which I have and always had and describes her experiences well. It’s as exhausting for the children with autism who’ve had to learn certain social conventions. But over time it’s become second nature to be much less socially anxious. Being a teacher certainly forces the issue!

I'd start by asking what support she needs in school? They are required to provide accomodations regardless of a diagnosis.

Masking can be caused by many different things, assessment may help to narrow the possible causes down. I'd keep an open mind though regarding outcome.

The problem is with diagnosis isn’t what happens if she’s not diagnosed?

or even, what happens when she is?

she still needs to learn some strategies to help her navigate life around the issues she has.

Diagnosis is a double edged sword; it can sometimes cause nocebo effects where the issues become magnified. Especially if the individual is seeking the diagnosis themselves.

The HSP stuff is very biologically well evidenced. It’s linked to research done by a dr in the states on young children who are more reactive to the environment than mothers, via testing saliva responses to stress. The book is called the orchids and dandelions and is well worth a read.

1/5th of the population are thought to be hsp, as the dr found with the children he looked at. There’s a wide continuum too though. “Dandelions” just don’t seem to have as reactive or sensitive to things.

The orchid type is thought to be a beneficially evolutionary biologically linked personality trait.

Apparently it has a term; impression management.

Wow you’re a teacher and not aware of the prevalence of masking and how autism can present in girls. And we wonder why autistic women and girls fly under the radar. 🙄

My 17yo dd came home tearful from college as her tutor had gently suggested she might be autistic. Dd told us she wanted the assessment and we were fortunate to be able to privately fund it after a GP phone consultation on which clinics were NHS approved (3/4 year wait otherwise). Within 3 months we had the diagnosis and a support plan that she could take with her to uni.
When asked she said it would have been good to know earlier as she just thought she was weird, but she's pleased to know now for moving forward.
For us it's been so helpful as we always suspected. Her assessor said that waiting for dd to be ready for assessment was the best course of action, because now she's in control of it (we felt very guilty for not pushing sooner...many reasons for that). The diagnosis has been 100% validating for her and the family, and we're all in a better place. There remain very challenging times as there always will be, but I'm personally grateful we did it. Good luck!

Im very well aware of that discussion and a lot of the current research and debate thanks. Hence my post. I have also done a great deal of cpd and courses around autism and taught in the area for 25 years.