Childcare woes

Two under two is brutal.

Personally I found it a lot harder on the days DH wfh than his office days.

So why do you feel like you have to spend half your time there?

I'm so confused - your son is a very high earner and pays for help, so why not leave them to it?

It doesn't sound like he's asking for help, it sounds like you're being overbearing and have decided they need help.

I think some people are giving the OP a very hard time when she’s only trying to help. I don’t think OP is saying her son shouldn’t be helping when he finishes work but more if she isn’t there to assist then his job is at risk as he’s having to help with his DC when he’s suppose to be wfh. How many employers will sit back and say yep that’s fine he’s not available his wife is struggling with two DC but we will still pay him £250k whilst he cares for them all day? Hopefully it will get better now there is a nanny. Two DC so close together is so tough but they must have known what they were getting into after the first to some extent.

OP, you don’t have to do any of this. 2 under 2 is a shock to the system but she can cope on her own. The vast majority of women do with far less help than your DIL is receiving. She’ll be fine once she’s had a bit of practice (not saying it’s easy but she will learn tricks and ways to cope). You need to work out what help you would be happy and willing to offer and make that clear to them both. Everything else is for both of them to figure out, and they will, while making mistakes along the way like the rest of us. Ultimately, you don’t have to run yourself into the ground to support her and your son.

@Oldandtirednow You said in your very first post that this wasn’t really an AIBU but a WWYD, and you haven’t posed an AIBU question in that post that i can see, and so I wouldn’t know if a vote was, say:

“AIBU to say I should do less” - YANBU.
“AIBU to be critical of my post-natal DIL” - YABU.

You say that your son enables her in one post and in the next post you say that whilst you are there “showing the nanny the ropes” DIL is at coffee and Pilates with her sister.

Um, who was the enabler there?

(also I hope DIL has had her six week check before heading to a Pilates class)

Has your son actually complained about it? Maybe they have an agreement that he does the bulk of the parenting because he wanted children more.

You clearly don’t think she is good enough for your high flying son. The way you talk about her is horrible.