I just saw this poem-I will do this as a mother, but mine didn't, did yours?

Nice! 😊 But the men in our family also did some of that nurturing and ‘lifting the burden’. Wouldn't it be nice if we subverted this idea that raising a family, washing dishes and folding clothes isn’t just women’s work?

Yes my mother would’ve done anything for me as I would do and do for my adult sons x

My mum was amazing honestly and my dad, very hands on and supportive. They didn’t move in as they live close by but others in our family/social circle have

My DM said I’ll leave you alone for a couple of weeks. One of the few things she got right.

I don’t think it’s a good thing to offer advice. That’s not really on. It’s a bit intrusive and undermining. Also, cooking a meal in someone else’s kitchen would make a lot of people a bit uncomfortable. When I had newborn babies, my mum came for three days, but not right at the start. She would help with cleaning but not the other things you mentioned. What’s your partner doing? Is he pulling his weight?

It hurts me a bit to read. I don't have my own kids (yet), but seeing my sister become a mother, this certainly wasn't the way.

My mother turned up for 2 weeks and didn't so much as make a cup of tea. She expected my sister, the new mum, to roll out the red carpet and wait on her hand and foot. Then bragged to anyone who would listen about how she'd spent 2 weeks "looking after both generations"...

My mum was pretty good in the first couple of weeks. Made us a load of easy to reheat casseroles, shepherds pie etc. Made me drinks, hung the laundry, took ds for a walk so I could have a nap, did the dishes etc. My mil made life objectively more difficult.

If my ever has a child, if his dp wants me to, I will bring them food they like, help with chores, dote on dgc etc, but will keep any and all opinions to myself unless asked! I'll also be mindful of their space, both physical space where they live and head space, when buying stuff for dgc.

Best present I got when ds was born was a big plastic storage box with a lid that when lifted had a sort of shelf with little compartments in it. It was filled with muslin cloths, onsies, vests, wipes, nappy cream, a pack of dummies, socks etc. It was the perfect size that when the clothes had been taken out of it, it was perfect for storing all of the nappy changing stuff. The box now houses my hair stuff 13 years later so has proven to be very useful.

'poem' is doing some heavy lifting here.

My mum did not do this for me. I can't wait to become a grandma so I can do this for my dd.

My Mum stayed with us for over a week after each child (with DD2 her and Dad had been with us for a week before she was born) and took over all the housework and cooking. DH was perfectly capable of doing it all but I needed my Mum at that point so he went back to work then took his paternity leave after Mum left and then he did all the housework and cooking. Our youngest was premature and it was lovely for DH to have support with the older two while I was in hospital and he was going backwards and forwards.

I mean, it's one persons creative writing piece. Who knows if this is even lived experience or something they did in practice in their own life. I wouldn't put much stock into it as a guideline for a best outcome or assume this is a norm.

Some people are fortunate and have family they have positive relationships with who want to help them with any situation where they need support - birth, illness, grief. Other's are less well situated, may have no support or might have friends or a partner who pick up that same slack.

I'd help if I was wanted, and be very happy to do just about anything for any family or loved one if I was wanted but I don't think it's a necessity by virtue of having a daughter or a grandchild. Some people will want or need more support (and can and should communicate this) and others wont. I wouldn't have wanted my own mother so involved but equally find the poem a bit naff too so I think there's room for different schools of thought on it.

Be aware that it will be your son's partners who will have just gone through the experience of giving birth and it should be up to them more than your sons who is around in the immediate aftermath because they are the patient who needs looking after in the first few weeks. But a helpful grandparent on either side will always be welcome after that.

Bloody awful trite nonsense

Mine didn't either OP, in fact she went on holiday during my due date in protest as I wanted dh to be my birth partner, not her.

Try to avoid sickly sweet peoms is my advice. Though I do feel for you as you deserved a lovely kind mum. I'd do anyting for my dc when/if they become parents.

My mother offered babysitting but nothing more, and I wouldn’t have wanted her to start trying to run my house - DH and I were more than capable and wanted to enjoy becoming a new family on our own.
I’m sure my daughter felt the same way.

Despite living 250 miles away, you couldn’t keep DM away when each of my babies were born. She cooked, cleaned, cuddled, bought out Mothercare, washed, iron, shopped…., And then her door was always open for DS and I, then dd, to visit wherever we wanted, for as long as we wanted, before we were constrained by school terms. 5 years ago she move here, and made up for lost time, attending concerts, and birthday parties and so one as much as she can.

My PiL live 150 miles away. Kept their distance. “Didn’t want to be a burden”. Didn’t pick up a baby until they were a year old in case of passing anything on (they were born well before the pandemic), then wouldn’t see us inside for 3 years around the pandemic. We’d literally drive 4 hours for a picnic with them. FiL is clearly proud of DD’s sporting success and DS’s academic achievements, but they have barely left their village for 5 years. We seem for bank hols and Christmas, arranged months in advance. Very hands off.

We didn't have grandparents to stay for the first two weeks with our first child, we just wanted to be in a baby bubble and learn how to do things ourselves.

Similarly with the second, although they came to stay & help out with the then toddler once the kids' dad went back to work.
My mum was hands on with the baby/toddler but I didn't want her cooking, cleaning etc or my MIL.

We mainly wanted to learn to cope ourselves because they live away and we wouldn't have been able to rely on them at other times.

As for advice - yes if it's asked for, no if it isn't!
I will go with the flow if I am lucky enough to become a granny and will ask my daughters what support them want or need.

My mum didn't help me i had my first baby young, i was 20 apparently i had made my bed!
so my now Dh and just had to get on with things, his mum and sister in law were my support Sister in law used to visit after her early shift and help out in the very early days.

My Dd are in their 20s and 30s no grandchildren but if they had babies I absolutely would be there for them.

My mum didn't do any of this and I'm quite glad really. I get so uncomfortable with anyone in my space and hate being 'looked after'. I will absolutely do this for DD if she has a baby, but if she's anything like me she won't want me to!

It’s a rubbish ‘poem’. Your parents came to stay but it’s only your mother that didn’t help? What about your father?

I'm not a mum but I really can't see my mum having done this, sadly. She'd have been much more likely to sit there and expect to be waited on, and possibly wouldn't have even held the baby. It was my dad who 'did' things and held the family together in the ways mothers often do, so I guess my family's not really all that representative of the norm.