Pregnant with my ex's baby, he thinks I'm trying to trap him

I don’t think you should have the baby of someone who you obviously still love, who doesn’t want it. You’re setting yourself up for a very complex co-parenting arrangement. I know you’re not trying to “trap” him, but life is long and I think once you get to the point when you’re seeing the man you still love raising a child with you it will be impossible for you to not get those feelings of wanting to be a family because it will be so easy to.

You’re literally still a baby yourself. You have so much time to find someone who wants to marry you and start a family with you. But then again, it’s up to you at the end of the day. If you’re happy and ready now why not?

I think you need to think long and hard about if you can live with the fact you knowingly gave your child a father who you describe as am asshole man-child. You would only have to deal with him for 18 years, a child will have to put up with him their whole life.... the most important decision you will ever make when you have a child is who their other parent with, and you need to think whats best for their whole life, not just what you want right now. Sorry you are in this situation.

The thing is you have a lot going for you so why not have a baby with the right man?

It’s going to be very hard raising a baby on your own and even worse if you have to hand it over to your ex and his wife every week? Your child will have siblings you will never meet and you will watch the man you love with his new wife and kids

These types are always great at avoiding maintenance too

Also consider that he might go for 50/50 custody and if he’s got money behind him he can easily get that awarded in the court with the use of an expensive legal team

Don’t assume because he doesn’t want it that he’s not going to come for the child - you said you paid your way in the relationship- so if he’s was tight with money it would kill him to be paying you for something he didn’t want to start with!

I would hate to hand over my child for half of its life - what would be the point in that

Then OP’s partner should’ve worn a condom and been more frank himself.

It’s also abhorrent to tell a woman to abort a wanted child.

You have the choice to abort or not. That is what feminist fought for. For women to have the choice. Not for men to decide what a woman should do, because he is not "ready." You matter. Since you already had one, you know what it could entail. Every pregnancy is different, plus the age of the pregnancy could be different. Do what is right for you.

I personally, think it would be ok if the father turns up when the child is slightly older. Feeling abandoned is horrible and some children do romanticise absent parents. The child could hear and see with their own eyes what type of father he is. And type of family the father was raised by.

Sometimes, the in-laws are better than the father of children. I trust my in laws more than my ex. It is like a good resource to have. Not only financially but to understand where they came from.

I sort of agree with this, in some situations.

However I also don't think it's fair when a man wastes a woman's childbearing years and then fucks off.

So on that basis I'd say it's tough luck to him.

It's not fair to force a termination on a woman who doesn't want one, though. The fact that he doesn't want a baby doesn't entitle him to have a say in what she does to her body.

Men know that occasional failures of hormonal contraception can happen, so if he wanted to avoid being a father, he had the option of wearing condoms. If two people have sex, both of them are aware that there is a chance of pregnancy, even when the chance is minuscule.

You’ll be fine going it alone

but tbh I does seem an amazing coincidence that your pregnant following the recent conversations
i think anyone would jump to the same conclusion

If a man can't be bothered to use a condom then he gets no say in the matter.

You’re still young, accomplished (and a model!)
why do you want to saddle yourself with this man’s genetics, even if you raise and invest in baby..it’s still half him/them?

You could find someone on your level in no time and get everything you want out of life, just get through the healing first.

(it sounds like you’ve already made your mind up though)

I wouldn’t have a child with a man I think (in your words) is an asshole.

Parenting is tough when you have a loving decent, man. But it’s impossible when you openly dislike them.

If you were 39 I would give different advice but at 29 you have loads of time to meet someone who wants the same things as you do.

In your shoes I wouldn’t go ahead with the pregnancy.

If you want this baby go ahead and have your baby. I personally don’t think children NEED 2 parents. One good parent is way better than 1 good parent whose life is made worse by a bad parent and obviously better than a child with 2 bad parents.

Its tough being a single mum OP. So really sit down with yourself and base your decisions on just you. Could you continue your job? Do you have a suitable home? Do you have family near by for support?

I think at 29 I would keep my baby but just know there's a good chance you will be left to do it all alone!

Hardly. OP has been with this man for 8 years and lived with him for the last 4 years. Anyway... let this be a lesson to both of them this is what happens.

I don’t think I would have a child in these circumstances. It’s hard doing it in a couple with a loving partners support. I can’t imagine having to deal with an ex and child visitation rights and as you point out he may not be interested but could in the future decides he wants to play a bigger role in his child’s life. And he’d have the right to do so. And he could swing in and out on a whim causing hurt and upset. He might end up with full
custody at some point in the future if your child in his teens decides he wants to live with his dad. You can’t really know what’s going to happen as it’s all a bit unstable.

If he turns up in 5 years time the child has a right to get to know him regardless of op . Op shpukd facilitate that.
Whatever . have a baby if you can provide for that baby

Pathetic post. I know many successful, accomplished and all round happy, nice people who were raised by a single parent. I also know lots of people who had an absolutely miserable upbringing with two shit parents.

In spite of your scorn that some mums dare to raise their children alone (like, what are we supposed to do if their dad won’t afford any care to his child?) I’ve managed to raise a fantastic DS all by myself who just got all A’s in his A levels at his grammar school sixth form, black belts in martial arts, part time job and uni. You’re a fart in the wind, and an ignorant one too.

Where are your family based? Think carefully about which country you give birth in, as you don't want to find yourself trapped without family support.

Hi op, you sound live you have a good set up and your eyes are wide open.
unfortunately he can neglect you entirely for months or years and will get a decent amount of contact if he asks for it later on, as courts don’t care about what’s fair to parents just what’s in the baby’s best interest and having quality time with both parents (if safe) is usually considered good for a child. They won’t punish a child for dad’s laziness or nastiness during your pregnancy.
my advise having been in your shoes is just focus on yourself and health. Move to the location where you’ll get great support now before baby is here and he accrues rights to challenge any moves. Give baby your surname.

Hear hear

Fair on who?

You will be fine going it alone, enjoy your new life

He sounds like the last man you should marry but I think youve worked that out. I wouldnt invite him along to any scans. You will be fine on your own. Give him the opportunity to be involved, great if he does but even better if he doesnt. If you can support baby on your own then brilliant and dont put his name on birth certificate.

Fair on who?