Pregnant with my ex's baby, he thinks I'm trying to trap him

It sounds like you’d be better off doing it alone.

I know many children of single parents who are well rounded individuals, and growing up without one of their parents hasn’t affected them massively, my best friend is one of these people; her dad was briefly involved for the first 2 years of her life, but then contact stopped. She has admitted that as a child she always wanted to know why she had no relationship with her father, but was too scared to ask. I can see the dilemma, it’s difficult to tell a child “I wanted you but your dad didn’t” without making them feel inadequate.

Do NOT put him on the birth certificate. You will open yourself up to 18 years of misery if you do.

Focus on healing from this absolute dickhead.

For your information….. if he does not support you during the pregnancy or birth or says he doesn’t want to be involved then you DO NOT put him on the birth certificate!!!!!! Please and I say this from experience DO NOT PUT him on it! If later down the line he wants to be a father and demands 50/50 he can’t as he is not on the birth certificate and has no right unless he then decides of his own back to get a DNA test and be added which he can do later, but for now if he does all this before hand you have peace of mind. The only thing with this though is you won’t be able to demand money from him to help contribute towards the up bringing of the child, but from what your saying you don’t need help as you have a decent income and career.

I dont think the timeline is dodgy, the baby was conceived before the breakup. He is just as responsible. In most cases, assumping someone was trapped or tricked is sexist imo, they were a long term couple.

So men, in this case don’t have to take any responsibility?
I wouldn’t be having any medical procedure I didn’t want.
I also don’t think men should force women to have the baby either because it’s her choice once pregnant.

I hate the phrase ‘trapping’.
If a man didn’t want to be ‘trapped’ then he could use protection himself and then not worry.

However, the timeline of events seem a bit dodgy and if I was him I would be requesting a DNA test once the baby is born.

You and this man are over.
You may keep the child - and then he’ll resent you.
You may get rid of it - and you’ll resent him.

If you keep this child you will be a single parent.
The child will have no relationship with its dad.
And you may likely have to give up your current career etc

Many women raise children on their own (I did) and so it’s entirely possible but it’s completely dependent on what you want and how you’d feel about it.

How awful to call this woman’s unborn child being saddled with genetics!!

I had a baby at 29. I left the dad soon after. She’s my world and I don’t regret going it alone for a second. Congratulations to you. Don’t worry about him

What the fuck ?? If a woman wants to keep her child she damn well fucking can and be bloody proud and overjoyed about it.

Jesus. There are millions of incredible mothers and children out there who had a partner or father who didn’t want the child.

I don’t think he’s unreasonable to not be ready for marriage at 27 personally. Some people are, others prefer to wait till their 30s and I don’t think either is problematic. Waiting till 33/34 to have a child also isn’t a massive issue, he wasn’t asking you to wait till 40 when it would become an issue. He was very clear with you about this when you asked at least, he didn’t string you along in any way. You split as a result because you’re on different pages. Then you find out you’re pregnant. I can see why he thinks this was deliberate. I’m not trying to completely side with him but I do think his perspective is understandable.

He might come around to the idea once the baby is born, some men do or alternatively never have a thing to do with it. Since it’s your body, it’s your choice. If you’re happy with single parenthood then go ahead.

Point taken and I talk from the experience of single parenthood.
There are always worse situations.
I fully understand that there are some circumstances when single parenthood is better for all concerned.
However, most people would agree that OP's circumstances aren't the best of starts.

I’ve said YABU because having a child with someone puts them in your life forever and I don’t want that with someone who is such a dick.

If you want the baby have the baby but keep your eyes wide open - him being completely disengaged could be the best outcome but if he decides he wants joint custody, access etc you could spend time you should be with your child in court.

Fair on who?

He sounds like the last man you should marry but I think youve worked that out. I wouldnt invite him along to any scans. You will be fine on your own. Give him the opportunity to be involved, great if he does but even better if he doesnt. If you can support baby on your own then brilliant and dont put his name on birth certificate.

You will be fine going it alone, enjoy your new life

Fair on who?

Hear hear

Hi op, you sound live you have a good set up and your eyes are wide open.
unfortunately he can neglect you entirely for months or years and will get a decent amount of contact if he asks for it later on, as courts don’t care about what’s fair to parents just what’s in the baby’s best interest and having quality time with both parents (if safe) is usually considered good for a child. They won’t punish a child for dad’s laziness or nastiness during your pregnancy.
my advise having been in your shoes is just focus on yourself and health. Move to the location where you’ll get great support now before baby is here and he accrues rights to challenge any moves. Give baby your surname.

Where are your family based? Think carefully about which country you give birth in, as you don't want to find yourself trapped without family support.

Pathetic post. I know many successful, accomplished and all round happy, nice people who were raised by a single parent. I also know lots of people who had an absolutely miserable upbringing with two shit parents.

In spite of your scorn that some mums dare to raise their children alone (like, what are we supposed to do if their dad won’t afford any care to his child?) I’ve managed to raise a fantastic DS all by myself who just got all A’s in his A levels at his grammar school sixth form, black belts in martial arts, part time job and uni. You’re a fart in the wind, and an ignorant one too.

If he turns up in 5 years time the child has a right to get to know him regardless of op . Op shpukd facilitate that.
Whatever . have a baby if you can provide for that baby

I don’t think I would have a child in these circumstances. It’s hard doing it in a couple with a loving partners support. I can’t imagine having to deal with an ex and child visitation rights and as you point out he may not be interested but could in the future decides he wants to play a bigger role in his child’s life. And he’d have the right to do so. And he could swing in and out on a whim causing hurt and upset. He might end up with full
custody at some point in the future if your child in his teens decides he wants to live with his dad. You can’t really know what’s going to happen as it’s all a bit unstable.

Hardly. OP has been with this man for 8 years and lived with him for the last 4 years. Anyway... let this be a lesson to both of them this is what happens.

Its tough being a single mum OP. So really sit down with yourself and base your decisions on just you. Could you continue your job? Do you have a suitable home? Do you have family near by for support?

I think at 29 I would keep my baby but just know there's a good chance you will be left to do it all alone!

If you want this baby go ahead and have your baby. I personally don’t think children NEED 2 parents. One good parent is way better than 1 good parent whose life is made worse by a bad parent and obviously better than a child with 2 bad parents.