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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if my boyfriend doing this last night is ‘normal’?

527 replies

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 15:45

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing.

For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night.

He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

OP posts:
Tahlbias · 09/09/2026 22:36

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 16:26

I have three toilets. I was in the main bathroom, there is also an en-suite and downstairs loo.

Reading the replies has made me realise it was likely deliberate/making a point.

Show quote history

My husband and I have been together for 19 years. He would never poo in front of me, unless it was an emergency and even then, he would make me out my fingers in my ears etc

Strawberrydelight78 · 09/09/2026 22:36

I hated it when my ex did this once. So before I got in the bath I used to ask everyone to use the toilet before I got in. I rarely had a bath in peace when DD was little. She always wanted to get in with me.

Cardisncocktails · 09/09/2026 22:38

YANBU.
25 years married and he has NEVER dumped in front of me. He-and I-would be horrified if this happened.
Walk away.

alexdgr8 · 09/09/2026 22:43

No excuse in the circumstances.
Do not abase yourself with this character.
Do not discuss it.
When you are apart text him to say you've realised it's not got any future and don't want to waste anyone's time.
I think he sounds vile and that side might come out if you cross him.
So keep your distance and be careful.
Wish him well. Say you want a clean break.
Nothing further to discuss.
And don't let him in if he comes round.
All the best.

Annoyedbyhusband · 09/09/2026 22:44

We are 17 years into our relationship and never pooed in front of each other x

WalmartWitney · 09/09/2026 22:45

Dump.

OneRareMauveUser · 09/09/2026 22:50

Who said romance was dead ! 🙄😬

MsAmerica · 09/09/2026 22:51

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 15:45

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing.

For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night.

He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

Humiliated?

I assume he's seen you nude?

I assume from your description that there was a door or curtain for the bathtub?

Awkward, maybe. But humiliated?

Bunny2607 · 09/09/2026 22:51

workshy46 · 08/09/2026 15:50

Not normal , in my entire life no one has taken a dump in front of me .. even animals feel shame when they do it. Yuk

“Feel shame” 😂😂😂

Sam9769 · 09/09/2026 22:58

DUMP!

rubyslipperss · 09/09/2026 22:58

Absolutely gross - at 4 mths that’s a dumping offence ( again no pun intended!) Confused

tartanhaggis7 · 09/09/2026 23:00

i'd buy really strong candles! and have a gas mask at the ready just in case he does it again! 💩

echt · 09/09/2026 23:08

MsAmerica · 09/09/2026 22:51

Humiliated?

I assume he's seen you nude?

I assume from your description that there was a door or curtain for the bathtub?

Awkward, maybe. But humiliated?

Show quote history

There were two other toilets for this shitehawk to use.

Cattywillow · 09/09/2026 23:20

He’s the one who should feel humiliated. Yuck.

Obimumkinobi · 09/09/2026 23:31

OP also mentioned he'd suggested bringing her a glass of wine - presumably to help her relax and enjoy the show?
No, this is "flasher" mentality and wanting to look you in the eye and see your horror as he curls one up.
Also interesting that OP would "normally have locked the door" which unless you have small kids likely to intrude, is an unnecessary precaution whilst you're in the house with your presumably trusted partner?
Nobody else does this and you need to flush that overgrown turn away ASAP!

caringcarer · 09/09/2026 23:42

You should dump him!

ToadRage · 10/09/2026 00:04

I seem to be in the minority here but I think YABU having lived with my partner for 7 years in a flat with only 1 bathroom. Where else did you expect him to go? Do you have another toilet? Should he have gone home just to do a poo? Could he have waited? Even now we have two toilets, if I am getting ready for bed I will use the loo in the same room as my husband is having bath or shower to save me going downstairs. How do you possibly expect to live with someone in the future of you can't accept this? What else can't you deal with, watching then walk around naked or cutting their toenails, brushing their teeth?

Busybeemumm · 10/09/2026 00:16

This would be a red flag for me. He is testing your boundaries and how much disrespect he can get away with. His aim was to embarrass and humiliate you.

I would keep a close eye and think about if this relationship is for you or not.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 10/09/2026 00:23

We have a fairly open door policy for bathroom use several years in. We will wander in to talk or ask questions etc but I draw the line when it comes to baths. Baths are to relax and enjoy not to sit in someone else's stink..

Longleggedgiraffe · 10/09/2026 00:24

ToadRage · 10/09/2026 00:04

I seem to be in the minority here but I think YABU having lived with my partner for 7 years in a flat with only 1 bathroom. Where else did you expect him to go? Do you have another toilet? Should he have gone home just to do a poo? Could he have waited? Even now we have two toilets, if I am getting ready for bed I will use the loo in the same room as my husband is having bath or shower to save me going downstairs. How do you possibly expect to live with someone in the future of you can't accept this? What else can't you deal with, watching then walk around naked or cutting their toenails, brushing their teeth?

We have only one bathroom at home. We each announce we are going for a shower. That's the hint and we have never used the loo while the other was in the shower. It's been 40 years and never been a problem. There are some things that are not spectator sports and going to the loo is one of them.
There were other loos he could use. There was no excuse. It's all right if you're both okay with it but she obviously isn't. She is allowed to be disgusted by his behaviour. We're not in the middle ages now.

Stinkybooks · 10/09/2026 00:39

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 16:26

I have three toilets. I was in the main bathroom, there is also an en-suite and downstairs loo.

Reading the replies has made me realise it was likely deliberate/making a point.

Show quote history

He Had two other options and yet he chose the one where you were having a bath. And after only 4 months together too.
i think he has very helpfully shown you his real nature. Ditch and move on ( unless he is marvellous in all other ways and is genuinely repentant)

Anonyanonay · 10/09/2026 00:42

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 16:26

I have three toilets. I was in the main bathroom, there is also an en-suite and downstairs loo.

Reading the replies has made me realise it was likely deliberate/making a point.

Show quote history

'likely'? Make that definitely.

He's disgusting.

BanditoShipman · 10/09/2026 00:50

Grim. Not exactly conducive to being sexy either 🤮

FairAmberEagle · 10/09/2026 01:17

Sounds like you have met my ex.

desperatemum1234 · 10/09/2026 01:19

Four months. Four fucking months.
And they say romance is dead 😫

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