To find it surprising that parenting alone is easier?

I enjoy the different dynamic too - I feel a bit like me and the kids are more of a gang as opposed to me and my OH looking after children... not sure if that makes sense? I wouldn't say it's overall better though (especially not in the long run). There's a lot more jeopardy - when the shit hits the fan, things go south really fast 😂

If my 2 kids (almost 3 and just turned 5) are behaving normally (for them), I think some time just the three of us is great. I feel more 'with' them and I probably feel reasonably accomplished when it goes well. I do tend to only do the basics though in terms of chores etc and might opt for easier meals, or we go out for food, which isn't necessarily a strategy you can extrapolate full time.

When solo parenting of two kids is really hard is when everything goes to shit and you can't split them up (or get away from them). I had ours for a few days over last weekend and there were times when it was very difficult - ordinarily we'd have divided and conquered. There's a real value in that IMO.

I think a lot of it is down to being more on the ball when you know you have to do everything on your own. You just get on and get things done.
When DH is home I expect it will be easier because there are 2 adults to get everything done but actually I often find it's just more shambolic

It depends how you define “parenting”. He buys her clothes and gifts and takes her out occasionally. He calls her. Otherwise no. Hasn’t contributed a penny to her upbringing other than gifts. He sees her about once a month and has never done any childcare.

It wasn’t easy but if I had stayed with him and had to tolerate his lack of support while criticising my parenting it would have been a million times worse. Its hard work but I have full residency, I am in control and make all the decisions.

@Thepeopleversuswork I totally understand you I was just seeing if you were an actual lone parent like myself and many others or just a parent having a holiday break from the co-parent like the op.

It is bloody hard to do everything alone, my ex has zero input, not actually sure he is still alive being honest but still easier to parent without him around. That said doing 100% of everything all the damn time is not as easy as some make out either.

No it’s not! Its bloody difficult and I only have one. I don’t know how people with multiple kids manage it alone.

I don’t want to minimise this at all, its hard and it’s unfair. I still hugely resent the fact the whole financial burden falls on me when he is also working and until recently arranging to do anything socially was a hugely expensive mission.

I guess my point is that its easier to tolerate the hard work, the financial burden etc if there isn’t another “parent” living with you, sitting around doing very little, taking half the credit with none of the responsibility and making comments about what you “should” be doing.

Also from a purely selfish perspective it means I have a much stronger relationship with my daughter than her dad ever will and I don’t have to share residence or worry about him taking half of my house.

I had the same experience when DH used to work away. I’d always dread him going, and I did miss him, but parenting seemed easier. In hindsight it probably wasn’t really easier, it was just different. They say a change is as good as a rest and I think that’s what was happening. I noticed the positives - meal prep was easier with just the two of us, bedtime was quicker when there was only me doing the bath/story/tuck-in ritual, and there was less “stuff” around the place (DH is a messy so-and-so). I think if it had gone on long term, I’d have started noticing the negatives more. The lack of an extra pair of hands was stressful when one of us was ill, for example.

100%! Though I think long term I wouldn't be able to do it!
I find it less stressful, when the kids are asleep then I clean ect but when hubbys around we just end up in bed watching tv and I end up doing it all the day after when the kids are awake which makes it 10 x harder lol. Plus I can do whatever without compromising

I often find the same and have given it lots of thought. DH is genuinely an equal partner when he's at home (in fact, he probably does more than his fair share because he's very conscious that I do more parenting than him due to his work). Buuuut everything does generally go a bit smoother when I'm alone.

I think it's down to two factors. First, I'm way more proactive when he's working away. I don't leave things, even subconsciously, for him to do because I know I'll be dealing with the consequences. That means the kids are bathed and in pyjamas ready for a story earlier, the washing up is done straight away, and I'm way more on top of general housework and preparing for the next day. because I'm prepared and expecting to do everything myself, the mornings run smoother too.

Second, he's more exciting than I am. Even when he's not away, he's working through the day. He comes in excited to see the kids and they are excited to play with him. When I'm on my own the youngest has had all day with me and the eldest is home from school two hours + before the end of the work day. That leaves way more time to leisurely spend together before settling down for the night and the youngest isn't fighting the oldest for my attention too much because he's had me to himself for hours (and over excited kids after 5:30pm is a recipe for disaster in my house!).

DH works away for half the month and it is pretty easy without him, maybe we're just well organized by now! I think his schedule doesn't help, maybe if I had a partner home at 5pm every day I'd feel it a bit more but he's not back till 7.30pm on a regular office day so it's not like he's sorting dinner or helping with homework anyway on a week night anyway.

I always cope better with more responsibility, OP. When I know a lot of stuff is relying on me, I can really make myself push through and get everything done, I really "lock in". I've always been like this. I used to have panic attacked and awful anxiety as a teenager, but whenever I was babysitting my younger cousins I was absolutely fine - it was like the responsibility switched something off in my brain and made me feel capable. When DH goes away for work I tend to never be late, everyone gets a home-cooked healthy meal each night, the house is clean and tidy, on top of washing and I usually decide to start some kind of DIY project as well. I have learned the hard way, however, that I can't do it forever and after 3 weeks (DH's longest trip) things were starting to crumble around me and I kind of let everything go the week he came home (how lovely for him)

DH is not a man child, he doesn't "get in the way", he's a perfectly competent parent who knows our routines inside and out and we work very well as a team. But my god I'm a better mum/human when I'm only relying on myself.

I'm interested to hear about these couples who are "100% in sync" with their partners.

Because I wouldn't make this claim about my husband, but I'd say that it's not a bad thing.

It might make my day easier if I am saying yes to some play that my husband just said no to without my knowledge in another room. Even if we mostly hold the same style of parenting, I'd have to be psychic to know exactly what parenting had already happened.

But it doesn't make my life easier if I can't pass some ideas back and forth on how we handle something (like how to handle telling my son about me having surgery). If I were uncertain about something, if my husband were 100% in sync with me, he'd be uncertain too!

Or maybe the 100% in sync people are also 100% certain 100% of the time.

TBF I've not tried it but when DH has gone out for the evening (very occasionally), I had a chilled time ordering dinner after I put the toddler to sleep, watched my show and had an early night! Normally I handle the toddler, dishwasher and some laundry (and teach 3 days a week + marking brought home some weeks), he has a full time job WFH plus some hours on two other things, does bulk of the cleaning and makes us dinner after DS is asleep most nights.

So I have pretty much the furthest experience from being a single mum though my husband basically doesn't get weekends and works a lot, albeit flexibly. He's stepped in more in the early evenings now I've got morning sickness but only when it's bad. But I think the odd occasion you can find you're just not planning around another adult's needs, you work around the kids and that's it.

The tantrums one is interesting though with your older DD.

Mine are definitely better behaved when it’s just me. I think it’s because DH ignores them so they clamour for his attention more.

From my experience, it stays easier! Much easier. Yes it’s nice having someone around to help but it’s not needed IMO. I find parenting much more enjoyable on my own.

My house was far calmer and enjoyable, no tension etc when ex husband left me with a 1 year old and 4 year old. And still the same now they’re 20 and 17. No rows or disagreements with a partner about parenting 💪🙂

Oh yeah me and my husband both find it easier when we are solo parenting when the other is away somewhere. No idea why but our 4yo just seems to respond so much better to one parent rather than two, we think maybe it's something to do with being the sole focus of attention!