To find it surprising that parenting alone is easier?

My life is infinitely harder being a single parent to a young child. That's because it' a long term thing for me though, not just a few days. I would love to know that the entire mental load isn't on me forever.

Because you only have to think of yourself and your kids.

I think it’s simply down to less mess an additional adult creates.

I am on top of the washing etc when DH goes away. He says the same thing about me going away.

I do miss my cup of tea in bed every morning when DH travels. I’m like the walking dead until I have had caffeine and he bring me a cup every morning. Otherwise yes it’s always plain sailing and less mess - applicable to whoever is home/away.

It’s easier because you don’t have to align with anyone and the kids have your full attention. Mine used to act up when my husband and I talked, they wanted my attention.

My husband used to work away for two solid weeks at a time, then home for two weeks. It was calmer in many ways when he was away. HOWEVER, all bets are off if you or one of the kids gets quite ill. Then it is a total vulnerable shit show and you will be begging for his presence.

It’s definitely a thing though. My friend had to take her two teenage children to a weekend event that they go to every year. Husband couldn’t go. She said even though she technically had to do more it was more relaxed, easier and way less angst than when her husband goes.

I could have written this post as find exactly the same thing if DH away for a week! I think as no-one else is available you dont have that expectation of help when another adult is there and just power through your own way. Also yes the kids seem to behave better as no other adult to play up to. I just look forward to having completely my own time in an evening when they've gone to bed for a few nights!!

No im the same, im a lone parent and its not easy at all

Same here - it's definitely a thing. I think it's because you just know you have to handle everything so you crack on. But I find I eventually start to burn out if it goes on too long.

Normal for us too. When I travel for work, DCs are both good as gold for DH, and DD (4) tends to 'mother' her brother. I think they feel like they have pull together as the situation is unusual.

Equally, I have more annual leave than DH, so often have the kids by myself and even big days out feel easier than when it's 4 of us. Really weird!

totally! i love my dh and the kids think he's great but yes - it's easier, calmer and cleaner without him! i think it's because you aren't subconsciously (or consciously) compromising for someone else. you go to bed when suits, you watch what you want, you focus completely on the dc. like when dh is around, i'll be thing what does he want for dinner, what shall we watch tonight, and ill lose track of time sitting chatting to him about stuff till 1130 rather than prioritising my sleep etc!

by day 3 though, i really want him back as i get a bit lonely!

It really is easier being a single mum than married to a guy who poos in your toilet and pesters you for sex imo

But - you need a support system - friends, babysitters, family, money

If youve got that - youre golden

It’s because you’re fully focused on the kids. If DH were there you would talk to him (completely unreasonable). Your 4 year old has 50% of your attention not 33%. Plus As your DH is an engaged parent he will have opinions on things, unintentionally adding to friction. But I hope the good behaviour lasts.

Since my divorce Life is so much easier and relaxing becos I no longer have an extra child to look after (my ex husband). He didnt do anything for the home and I spent a lot of my time tidying up his mess or pandering to his needs.

I have 4 children.

Like someone else said, its worrying that you find things easier without him there and you need to try to think why exactly. Becos having a partner should make life easier not harder.

I have been divorced 5 years and I will never marry or live with another man again, I know this becos I am enjoying my life too much on my own to ever have someone living with me again.

F

I've just taken my son away for the weekend and came home to a spotless house. DH did the same recently.

When there's just you and the kids, you are the authority, you set the pace for the day, you can just tell a child what you're doing - I have to agree with my husband about where we have lunch, not just "we're going to the cafe, you can have the jacket potato or the sandwich".

I don't have to agree who is having a shower first or wait for him to finish brushing his teeth - I just do it all at the same time as my son.

My husband is a good dad who pulls his weight - but this evening he was asking me a question whilst the cat was miaowing and my son was asking why water is wet.

In the short term, it's nice to make all the decisions, and it's nice to not have to try to accommodate a whole extra set of needs.

I can imagine it's a lot harder when you never have the time to prioritise your needs only.

I hate to say it but if parenting is easier without the other parent it's because you reproduced with a loser

"Its the cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn, DIY, working, getting them to school/childcare, thinking about what they need for school, applying for places, vaccination dates etc, then the financial side of paying the bills and the mental side of having to sort out the car insurance, best energy provider etc etc"

I feel the same as OP and have been reconsidering my marriage, I was going to post similar myself.
My DH has set tasks that I don't need to remind him of - feeding the pets, bins, dishwasher, tidying up after dinner, occasionally puts on and hangs up a wash.

Otherwise the list above is on my head anyway, I do all that. Mowing the grass he does, but I have to push him to do it and it's currently not been done for nearly 6 weeks. (Watering the plants or anything he doesn't do)

When he's no here, I find it so much calmer, the daily jobs I find easy, my DD will just relax and entertain herself or even help me sometimes. When he returns he always seems surprised how I can keep on top of everything better when he's not here. I don't know how either and I have a pain&fatigue disability so can get sick very quickly. When he's not here I don't crash as much.

Nah, not true.

To add to my points above, I'm an introvert. I enjoy being with my son all day, but can have a peaceful evening without him when my husband is away. That makes life "easier" without it being remotely to do with his parenting. Just that I get more time to recharge with exactly the telly/activities/evening I want without having to agree how to use my much more limited free time!

I suppose I found it a bit easier because I would just eat toddler food with them and then watch Netflix after they had gone to bed but I wouldn't want to do that for more than a few nights.

I'm exactly the same. I also have a four year old and 15 month old and I can't imagine it being easier on my own for a week!

I'm fortunate me and my husband parent as a complete team, not as opposing forces. We're in sync with decisions, routines, chores etc. One will take the kids out while the other rests, giving each other lie ins, splitting chores etc. One will do tea while the other watches the kids or sorts the laundry. Ditto evenings and mornings. One will sort the kids and watch them while the other gets ready or tidies up. I can't imagine doing it all on my own and thinking it's easier in my circumstances because my husband is very much an equal parent with me.

I found life as a single parent infinitely easier than parenting in a marriage.

Did he still parent after the divorce? Help out financially? There for the kids emotionally, mentally, physically?

I've been a single parent for 10 years. I appreciate all the people who recognise it's a different kettle of fish to when their partner goes away for a few days.

Those who have "utmost respect" piss me off though, talk is cheap - how about actually offering some help once in a while. I've been dying on my feet at times.

Literally couldn't be any smugger if you tried