To find it surprising that parenting alone is easier?

Is the daughter tantrumming to do with needing to battle for attention? Whereas now she knows she has your attention, so can be calm?

The actual looking after the kids is the easy bit
Its doing that on top of everything else on top that’s the tricky part

You must be joking!
Wait until they are older and the emotional pile on means you are sitting on their bed for hours every week trying to help them navigate friendship issues and school.

I get this. I have set plans in my head about how the day will go with timings. Then in comes DH offering an extra bedtime story. Great. But I wanted lights out at 8 and now it's 9.30 and everyone is tired and I haven't had a break.

We alsonm differ on screen time. I say none at all during the week, he would quite happily spend 4 hours a night playing video games with DC. So it often feels like I am constantly negotiating with him and DC.

Do you think that’s every single child and every single family, or might that only apply to some?

I am not meaning that to sound dismissive in case that’s how it comes across, it sounds really hard, but broadly speaking I don’t think you can say this will happen. It may, but it may not.

How many teens do you have?

I don’t have any. It was a genuine question, not being critical in the slightest, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job. But as much as things can happen in the teenage years it doesn’t mean they will.

Exactly the same here. DH away 48 hours every week. I really enjoy the different dynamic and it does feel easier.

I think largely it’s also down to expectations. You don’t have expectations for anyone else to; wash the school bottles, put the dishwasher on, run the bath etc… it’s all on you, and there’s not someone else around to disappoint you when they don’t think on their feet and do stuff

Many of my friends who have gotten divorced agree that it's easier to be a single parent. No compromises and nobody challenging your decisions - whatever you say goes. No man to clean up after - you would think it's harder, but women's housework time actually drops after divorce. And even if the husband was of the 'oh but I will help if you make me a list' kind - they were still responsible for making another adult do their share - delegation, reminding, negotiation etc.

I’ve been there and done that all already.

Of course it’s difficult in some ways but if we all had lots of money, a chef, cleaner, personal assistant etc then it would be pretty easy because the basics of parenting is pretty easy.

Imagine sitting on their bed for hours helping them navigate friendship issues and school as a single parent - on top you are having to work FT, worry about bills, do all of the housework, cooking, gardening, life admin etc

That’s what I mean.

A few days parenting on your own is easy because it’s the combination of everything else that makes being a single parent so challenging.

I parented on my own from birth to 18+. working full time. I looked at couples and thought 'I'm glad i dont have that to contend with that as well '.

I found life much easier as a single parent as it was just me and DS.
My exH did absolutely nothing and made tons of work for me.
He was slso aggressive and nasty and upset everyone.
He lost custody as a result.
In a normal loving marriage its often perfectly acceptable to enjoy a week off without your partner.

My husband goes away for a week or so at a time and I look forward to it.

I'm the only source of authority, my decision is final and I don't have to compromise.

I don't have to worry about his work lunches and therefore can cook dinners that don't need to be supersized. I can just do things off the cuff.

I can really indulge in the little things he doesn't really care about, like watching a film with the kids with popcorn and hot chocolates!

There's a lot less laundry and sweaty gym kit to wash.

But by the end of the week I'm very ready for him to come home because that feeling of 'nothing is going to get done unless I do it' creeps in and I quite like having the kitchen magically cleaned and dishwasher done by the time I come out of doing bedtime etc. He's also a great Dad and husband and I miss him.

Still look forward to those weeks though!

When my husband works away I feel more ‘on it’ I know I have to do it all myself so I just get on with it instead of expecting another person to help. I must say things stay cleaner and tidier though!

I am sure the novelty would wear off if he said he was never coming home and never contributing again to yours or the kids lives and you having to go out and work a full time job on top of every other thing that comes with parenting and running a house is all on you. Also when you have nobody for mental nor emotional support let alone financial - and good look having a social life ;)
Aside from that it is easier.

A week is nothing. And it’s a one off

when it is day after day , week after week. Month after month. Year after year

when you or kids are ill an extra pair of hands is always handy

yes prob peaceful as only you and your boundaries , tidying up after yourself etc

I’m sure the OP is aware of that.

I had a similar experience to a pp. My ex was difficult so when he was away it was blissful. My partner was completely the opposite. He radiated calm, if he was away he was really missed.

I found parenting with my Husband (now ex) very difficult. I think I was more frustrated with how little he did. Then he went to work overseas and I was really quite scared about how I was going to cope with 2 children aged 3&4! I pulled up my big girl pants, created a solid routine and shit just gone done. We were all happier, I didn’t spend time trying to get him to do family things with us at the weekend-we just did what we felt like doing. The house was cleaner, I could eat what I wanted, I wasn’t having to juggle things to fit around him.. if fact he came home 3 months later and realised that our well oiled machine was a very happy one. He went back overseas and continued to work and cheat and then it ended obviously. I’ve been a solo parent for the best part of 10 years, it’s not all been easy but my god I’m proud of us! We run a tight ship and have the best bond, he can go f*ck himself 😆 and I have no doubt he would if he could.

I might be the only person who has a different view! Im currently solo parenting with 15 month old and 5 year old. Im finding it much harder, my 15 month old has been unwell and ive barely had any sleep.
I also find it hard as we usually share bedtime and trying to juggle both with an ill baby is not fun!
We also split the chores so I find I have lots more to do once the kids are asleep and have very little time for myself!

I definitely find this! My DH is’t away often but when he is things definitely run more smoothly. I know everything is my responsibility so I am much more organised. No expecting him to have started dinner because he was home a bit earlier than me, then coming home to find he’s started a completely unrelated job and hasn’t even thought about dinner. I know I’m cooking and tidying up and just get on with it.

I can get into bed early and chill out and watch tv (he usually goes to bed quite early so I never really get the chance otherwise)

I know it would be a different story if he was away all the time, but he’s away for a rare long weekend this weekend and I must say I am looking forward to it!!

I’m the same as you. I find it so much harder with DH away. I have to do all the chores, all the bedtimes, I can’t do my hobby stuff. I’m counting down till he walks back in the door!

Dh is away a lot. I find it easier as its just solely me responsible for everything, which means I just know that it needs doing. The kids also know he's not around and seem to try harder. I think when he's back we all breathe out a bit, and I find it leaves me quire tired/exhausted. I think it's a bit like when you're on a tricky project, you throw yourself in and focus hard on getting it done, in a way that means it's getting a lot of energy and focus. Once you stop, pause and breathe out then you kind of feel drained. Like how you get a cold on the first day of the holidays!
I know being an actual single parent for a permanent time is much harder and much more overwhelming. Nobody ever takes over and I have the upmost respect for anyone doing it!!
Dh finds the same when I'm not around (he does forget things more than I do though, which also makes it easier as nobody goes to clubs/hobbies/playdates!)

I was a single parent for 5 years, I found it so much easier! Everything is your way, there’s no mixed messages to the kids, no playing one parent off against the other, you get your own routines etc. Much easier imo.