AIBU to refuse my 18-year-old access to his savings?

What financial abuse? This is an absurd suggestion.

If it’s in an ISA you can’t stop him, if it’s just a child saving account you can transfer some or all of it to another account e.g. your own or a LISA.

Probably you mostly do internet banking? If you go to a bank and try to withdraw your own money from your own account in the amount exceeding a sum set by this bank (£3000 for NatWest), you will be compulsorily asked 'Did somebody ask you to withdraw this money/transfer this money'? clearly inviting you to disclose if this is a coercive payment. Have a look at the posters in NatWest

Financial abuse | Help and Support | NatWest

I voted AIBU because you cannot refuse him access to the money or to his passport. You are in a horrible situation OP. I hope it has a happy ending.

It’s his money.

If he wants to have it and waste it, that’s up to him.

OP cannot claim financial abuse as it’s not her money.

Only DS can do that and he would then need to involve the police.

There is no financial abuse - just a young adult who may waste the money.

Hate to disillusion you - no police involvement is required. I know of an instance when suspected financial abuse was reported to NatWest when a person of sound mind and of age was withdrawing to lend to unsavoury friends, the report was made by a parent. The bank quickly put a stop to that and put the shits up the person, saying that they received a report of a suspected abuse and they would involve the police. That was sufficient to nip it in the bud.

The reality is that you have to give him access to the money, because he needs to be able to feed and house himself, and he can’t claim benefits because of the savings. Savings which are legally his. So to withhold would be you being financially abusive, and could cause you a whole host of problems. Unfortunately, you need to drop the rope here and give him access to the money which is his.

If by some miracle you can get him back into work, you need to try to persuade him to sign it back to you for safekeeping. He would then be eligible for benefits months/years down the line if he falls off the wagon again.

We are in almost identical situations, other than that I did not save in his name. It’s horrific.

But that isn’t happening here.

You can’t stop someone from withdrawing their money and if actual financial abuse is suspected (and a conversation doesn’t work) then the banks will get the police involved.
They wouldn’t refuse access to the money.

This is also extra challenging if it’s implied it’s for drugs/illegal activity rather than just giving money away.

Continue to lie to him that it’s not his yet.
don’t tell him which bank it is and don’t give him his passport. Without those He sounds like he will indeed really struggle to get hold of the money. If he does get hold of the money and he’s feeling down, he could progress to more than just weed.

YANBU but legally there’s nothing you can do if it’s in account with his name on it.

That’s a different situation though, involving coercion.

Can you move it to a bond that's locked away for X years and hope things are better when that expires?

im not asking what financial abuse is, I’m asking how it applies here

The DS is an adult. It is not in a child account anymore.

I did not say it was happening. I suggested a course of action, a possible one, that is all. To keep the funds safe for the idiot who is a dope-head with no job - he will need that money down the line more than now, believe me.

He knows it's his money and who the provider is.

Sadly there isn't much you can do about it. I went through this with my adult children they had trust funds 250k each and they blew through all of it with nothing to show for it. And no you never expect that to happen. you really don't. You think they will follow the path of going to uni, getting a job, and then buying a home. And then they decide they want to have an extended party. It really is heartbreaking I understand

If he has a passport, he can go online and get a [provisional] driving licence issued within a few days. If it is a government ISA then he can look it up on line by opening a gateway account.

If it’s an ISA or similar and is in his name, then withholding his passport as his only valid form of ID with which to access it, probably constitutes a criminal offence. You need to accept this is his money and he has a right of access to it. You have no say in how he spends it sadly.

You can't. Once they're 18 the money is theirs. You cannot just decide what to do with it.

You cannot move someone else's money.

He will definitely need ID to access the money. Leave him to sort out driving licence himself. Don't help him. Personally I'd keep hold of his passport as with ADHD he's very likely to lose it if he has it himself. His brain is still not working as an adult yet. His impulse control will be low. When my adult DS with ADHD wanted to buy a house I had to do everything for him. Find houses in his budget, drive him up to view them, put in his offer for him, sort out all his payslips and id for mortgage broker. Look around and suggest to him to get a fixed rate mortgage. Help him set up direct debits to pay the mortgage each month and sort out his insurance. DH and his brother helped him move his things in. DS works hard but is totally useless with life admin. He has got better though recently. He's just had his 40th birthday.

OMG do you have some pain coming in the future. A few quid wasted from a bank account will be nothing compared to the pain he will cause if he knows he can walk all over you

It what you’re asking but £200 a session is WAY too much.

I think the OP can withhold the passport - what is he going to do about it? Go to the police?

I guess he could apply for a new passport saying the old one is lost but that at least puts a hurdle in the way. And he will have to go for an interview for the new one.

Yet he managed to hold down a job which paid well enough for him to get a mortgage? It sounds like he was taking the absolute piss out of you, not that his ADHD prevented him from doing these things. Sure he may have needed more support then the average adult but if he was able to manage a job he was able to manage the majority of things you have listed here.