AIBU to refuse my 18-year-old access to his savings?

OP cannot transfer the money. It isn’t her money to transfer. She will not be able to access the account to move money.

He is a vunerable adult , is he under any doctor? Social worker? As my vunerable adult would not be able to deal wiith money
appropriatelyso I am his appropiate adult that helps him deal with it . Maybe you need to ask for advice about this ?
Its hard , My other son (Adhd) lost so much money but at nearly 40 has turned a corner .

Edit, sorry hadn't read the more recent posts.

As others have said it's his money, but personally if it were me I'd transfer it into a bond/similar account so it can't be touched. Technically it's not your money to do that with - but i don't think it could go anywhere really If he accuses you of stealing it.

If he's into drugs and gets hold of that kind of money then best case is it just gets stolen from him. Otherwise he's just going to end up with a much stronger drug addiction and could easily be lost.

If he lost drugs he’ll have to pay for them. I would do it for his safety but with very strict expectations for serious change. He has got a taste of what happens in the drug world when things go wrong. They always do. Get out while he can.
It is so difficult, my worst nightmare.
Good kids go bad.
Best of luck. Contact local youth services, SS will not blame you. There is a drug epidemic impacting thousands of families like your family.
I have two friends who are youth leaders. This is normal for them every day.
Crime prevention groups start from ten years old and those children don’t get taken from parents even though they’re usual referrals as high risk or previous minor offenders.

I would have thought your son would not have paid for the drugs you have thrown away. He would have expected to pay for them from the money he would have made selling them. So he now owes nasty people money?

I think you are in over your head and should phone the police.
If you don't want to do that I think you will have to pay for those drugs or they will be after your son for their money.

And also my brother dealt partly because he was kept short by my parents - it didn't work. You may find handing the money to him on the condition he uses it for a house deposit will increase his own sense of self esteem and security, and encourage him to think about a job that could mean he got a mortgage and then agreed to invest it till then.

Sorry op - I really apologize I hadnt read your update.

Unfortunately you will get blamed by social services for not protecting your child If you go to them. If you contact the police all hell could break loose. If you tell him you know you will alienate him or maybe your honesty will get him on side and potentially in recovery.

There are hardcore sober coaches that may be able to help that's all I can think of .

In sorry I know it's so hard when you love them so much - but you cannot have drugs in your house or around your younger child. It's seriously dangerous. Take care.

He is a drug dealer you know that don't you - it's hard. Similar situation when I was growing up. Mum stuck her head in the sand my older brother was truly dangerous although sweet as pie to her.

Your son sounds like a sweetheart.
Sweethearts can be drug dealers and drug dealers and a danger to themselves and their families.

I've no wise words except dont be blind to what is right in front of you it won't help you or your family.

Call the police now if you haven’t already. This is a really serious safeguarding issue.

He is dealing class A drugs from your house, and you have another child living with you?

I shudder to think of all the things that could go wrong, including you/your husband/your innocent child being hurt, your house being seriously damaged, the police arresting you for be aware of it and enabling it instead of reporting it, etc.

I am so sorry you are going through this. My son is a little younger than yours, all the same issues apart from the drugs but there's time for that and I wouldnt be surprised.
My dad paid 16k each over the years into junior isa's for my children. We never once thought that this was a mistake. Now son is approaching 18, says he will be moving out then , has no way of supporting himself , very immature and also easy to take advantage of. Worries me sick.

You go to the police and try to save him from himself by reporting him.

He's selling cocaine he will end up in prison ☹️ They won't overlook that.
If he came home and you supported him with food would he be willing to give it a try? So he couldn't claim to be desperate for money? Keeping him away from the dealers etc would be a first step.
He could have killed his sibling is he aware of this?

The vast majority heroin addicts have control of their own money, never mind cannabis users. Being an addict isn’t a reason to assess someone as lacking capacity; neither is ADHD or being impulsive. People are allowed to choose a bad path, there isn’t much that can be done about that.

If OP was able to be the appointed person for her son then she would have a duty to manage the money in his best interests. She wouldn't be able to withhold the money from being available to pay rent while he sleeps on a friend's floor. I don't see how thst could be argued to be in his best interests.

how about getting financial/legal advice regarding the money
and what way to proceed here
also if you can persuade him somehow convince him of something in relation to the money into a situation where you have the money in your account
then you could keep it safe

i think this would be better

it is for his own good

he could thank you in years to come

it sounds like you really want to fight for him with job but he doesnt want you to
but if you think it will make a difference then do it

just try and fix the issues that were there so same issues don't come up.

i can see u r trying to help him
it must be exhausting
can you try other therapies too that could help him with his anxiety so he doesnt need rely on pills and drugs so much

i think you sound a good mum who cares

I didn't say it was. But based on the information from the OP, including severe ADHD, drug problems, and impulse control, there is an argument that could be made as to whether he has the capacity to deal with large amounts of money.

Right, but as I have said multiple times if the account was in trust for the DS OP would not be posting asking about preventing him accessing it. She knows he can do this with ID, she has said so.

I think a lot of parents stuck with the Child ISA that the government were handing out to newborns, £250 to kick-start savings I believe. That's where my grandson's savings account came from.

As I said earlier. I am the trustee for my son's 'child' account. It has not 'become' an adult account (he is now 26). It sits there, gaining interest, every now and then I put his 'keep' into it (if I'm feeling flush). I have moved that money about (including ramming it into a high interest regular saver for 12 months). It will depend on the type of account.

You are literally telling my own sons story.its so hard when they are on self destruct mode huni. If u need an ear, im here to listen @TheSereneBird . Sometimes we just have to let them make the mistake and pray hard that they learn from the mistake. Good luck.

I think he did just that.. grew up …he’d had money, had fun spending it…to be fair, he had earned it working . It wasn’t handed on a plate. But he blew it and at the time , part of me wished I’d been charging him room and board when he was home on his days off 🤣 . He had a blast and then just settled for ‘normality’ . Just as he’d been really untidy till, after 6 weeks of telling him to clear his pigsty of a room up, I went in with bin bags while he was working. When he came home to a clean room with new bed and bedding and £40 of his in my pocket that had been on the floor in change and his stuff gone with the bin man, he stayed tidy, minimalist and decided he hated clutter. Decades on, he still hates clutter. Just flipped a switch, or went with the new flow.
Neurodivergent? I don’t think so. That term didn’t exist for us, anyway. Children could be autistic / on that spectrum..or they were just a pain in the backside , needing discipline and manners. Mine was just bored at school..school didn’t have radar, kept still, and expected him to sit about and waste time most of the time..so he turned up and for the most part, thought he was doing them a favour. He wasn’t disruptive, just indifferent. He’d grown up..to the grand age of five, with freedom most kids don’t have and an education based on earning a living. He learned to walk on the trawler, could name all the fish etc by age 2. Sorted them and prawns by size. He’d come with me in the canoe to see the seals and watch otters and porpoises from the house. Could help gralloch a deer, catch mackerel on a line , collect mussels and edible crabs and the occasional scallop at low tide for dinner, collect eggs from under the hens, bake a cake / scones and help with lambing , all before he started school, which was a let down. I taught him to read and do arithmetic as the methods they used in school were not good…and I had to take him to school in a boat so he missed a lot of days with weather. Had to be taught at home. I had a close eye on what they were doing and the cooperation of the teacher. . He was an avid reader. He’d earned money when he was 12 doing a lambing and bought his first off road motorbike. He just didn’t have the ‘normal’ start in life. We had no neighbours , roads or shops nearby . Lived on an island. Just us. No electricity, no tv . Till he was 7. Even then it was a farm, So when he reached teens, was earning, had the means to get out into town and had a social life, he let rip.