AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

Absolutely fine to decline their invitation if you don't want to be around the dogs. It's also absolutely fine for them to not want to come to your place and to decline your invitation.

Accept that Christmases together simply aren't going to happen.

A nice compromise might be a family dog walk all together or meeting up in a pub for a drink and a catch up.

We have a beloved dog. Sil comes for xmas dinner and she brings her dog. They play well together and are not barky dogs. We have 10 minutes of chaos and then its over. But I draw the line at 10 bloody dogs. Thinking about the noise is giving me anxiety for you!
You are not being unreasonable at all. I love dogs and I just wouldn’t spend Christmas like this.

How is that a compromise if the OP doesn’t want to be around the dogs?

Dogs outside walking is extremely different to in a confined space when eating, or dogs could likely be left for an hour's pub visit. Both valid compromises.

I agree. Why so much rage? Overreaction.

It is so so sad…genuinely heartbreaking. The idea that the family would choose not to spend Christmas with their youngest grandchildren simply because they won’t leave the dogs at home… it must feel quite painful - It’s hard not to see it as choosing the dogs over their own family, and that’s just really sad

YNBU

Yeah sorry I missed that bit.

It's much more likely to be "can't" rather than "choosing not to". The decision to have a pet comes with responsibilities, which you can't just ignore when it's inconvenient.

10 dogs ! I wouldn't go either. The smell must be awful. I know owners claim their dogs dont smell but they do.

I dont get this fascination people have with taking their dogs everywhere. Any time a new cafe or shop opens one of the first comments on our towns facebook page is 'is it dog friendly ?'
One Local cafe let dogs in and your trying to have a coffee and there are dogs trying to get there paws on the counter or coming over to you and lying down beside you. Owners with that stupid 'aww look at him, he's so cute' look on their face.
On one memerable occasion a large dog pooed on the floor and the owner expected the cafe staff to clean it up.

In-laws had a greyhound but he was well behaved. Just lay in his bed or came over for the occasional sniff and a head rub. No slobbing or trying to take food.

Yes but also no.

Many dog owners use their pets as an excuse and say “can’t” when actually it is “won’t”. We have an issue where BIL and his partner constantly try to bring the dog to things because they would otherwise need to leave early as the dog needs medication at the same time every day.

You have a responsibility as a pet owner to make sure the animal gets its medication at the same time every day, fine.

That time of day does not have to be 9 o’clock in the evening which means you “can’t” attend any dinner invitation. They could have chosen a less socially intrusive time, they could choose to move it. They won’t.

Likewise the dog owners in this thread could leave the dog at home (yes for longer that 4 hours, this is a new thing and many people still agree the odd longer stretch won’t kill them), return to take it out for a wee and come back later, arrange Christmas boarding in kennels. There are lots to options for them to “choose” from, they just “won’t”.

Stop being uptight - you won’t die from having dogs around.

Very dangerous with young children, many years ago when nine were young a relative's dog , while we were visiting in laws, attacked my 18 month old son for no reason. He wasn't anywhere near the dog but it just flew at him, luckily it was winter and he had a thiçk jumper on . I certainly wouldn't take small children into a house with 10 dogs.

Her kids might!

11 dogs sounds horrific. I have 2 myself but I don’t think I’d go anywhere where there are 11. How does anyone get anything done or socialise with all those dogs to watch

I love dogs but this sounds a nightmare. Clearly they are untrained. Can they not leave the dogs at hoem for a few hours to come to your house, surely all the dogs aren't used to people being home 24/7?!

I absolutely love dogs but ten dogs in that kind of situation doesn’t sound very restful to me. Especially if you have young DC.

Don’t push it, definitely don’t invite them again, just accept they can’t visit you and you can’t visit them.

If DH wants to spend some time with his family over Christmas he can go on his own!

But presumably they chose the 9pm time as it's the most convenient for them. It's not up to them to centre your social requirements over what suits their timetable.

And no it is actively cruel and neglectful to leave a dog for more than 4 hours total in a day. Always has been and always will be. Responsible dog owners won't do that, of course, just for your social benefit. And most dogs would be distressed at being kennelled.

Responsible dog owners don't cause their dogs distress, and accept that they have to turn down invitations if they are not compatible with their responsibilities to their pets. Your social wants don't trump their dogs needs. You need to respect that. You are entitled to turn down invitations that don't suit you, and so are dog owners.

Of course it’s not ‘actively cruel’ to leave a dog for 4 hours. Don’t be so ridiculous! 😆

Yes, of course it is actively cruel to leave dogs for more than 4 hours a day and has been the advice given to pet owners for decades.

Sorry if people being responsible pet owners upsets your social plans, how very dare they not centre your preferences at all times!

No but they then shouldn’t moan when it stops them from being “included” through a choice they have actively made.

The problem is lots of dog owners DO their their dogs are more important than the people around them, as clearly evidenced by the OPs family.

Plenty of people leave their dogs more more than 4 hours. They are not all neglectful. It used to be very normal. People have just gone bonkers about the things.

Screw that!

In my experience dog owners accept that their responsibility to their pets means they will have to decline invitations. It's the dog dislikers who insist on dog free meetups who then tend to throw a tantrum when their invitations are quite reasonably declined.

Of course my responsibility to my dog is more important than meeting someone else's social wants!

It absolutely is neglectful to leave dogs for more than 4 hours and no responsible dog owner would do so. That's been the advice from animal professionals for decades.

That’s not my experience at all - my experience is that the dog owner will repeatedly try and bring the dog to things despite being told no on prior occasions and for some reason will think that their dog is the exception.

Quite the opposite of my experiences.

I don't arrange dog free events, or accept dog free inviations (unless they are local and brief, so compatible with dog care). The tantrums I have been subjected to when politely declining events! And further tantrums for arranging my own dog friendly events at other times that I can actually attend!

I don't know anyone who tries to bring dogs to dog free venues or events. We simply politely decline invitations which aren't compatible with our responsibilities.

I take my dog anywhere I can but if I go to the cinema, he's alone for 5 hours. Same if we nip to the nearest city or have an appointment 90 minutes away.

It's not cruel, he doesn't even notice. He's a dog and has very little concept of time between half an hour and 8.

OP that's too many dogs. I'm an insufferable dog owner who takes them everywhere they're allowed to go but I draw the line there.

Unfortunately that means you're going to have very little to do with your family in future but if they're unable to recognise the reasons why, they're better off at arms length