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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by my husband's rude morning behaviour?

207 replies

Bronzeacorn · 07/09/2026 09:30

This might be perimenopausal rage so just need you ladies to tell me if I'm being unreasonable.
Every morning I get up before my DD, I pack her lunch and schoolbag, make her breakfast, feed the dog, log on to work,make sure she gets out of bed on time and washes face/brushes teeth/gets dressed then I sit at the table with her chatting to her and simultaneously working on my laptop while she eats breakfast.

My DH usually works weekends so hes off during the week but he gets up 20 mins after DD (1hr 20mins after me) and barely says hello. He goes and sits in the living room and has his coffee alone, then after me and DD have usually had a pretty calm nice morning he will emerge from his solitude to start angrily rushing DD as he is the one who walks her to school.
Today my mum very kindly called during the morning and took a basket of our laundry to do as our washing machine packed up, it was a very kind offer from her so i was very grateful but DH barely said hello to her and didn't come into the kitchen at all while my mum sat and had coffee with me and DD.

I know I'm kind of being a martyr listing all the things I do but like I don't even care that I do everything if he wasn't so bloody rude.
Hes going through ND diagnosis so perhaps that's a factor but still AIBU to be annoyed about his rudeness?

OP posts:
LeaveMeBee · 09/09/2026 10:23

Nettie1964 · 08/09/2026 18:04

I am autistic but my parents expected me to be polite. He doesnt have to be chatty but you could point out that hes being rude. Constant bad manners and grumpy behaviour is so draining. He should live on his own. What do all the people who cant cope with conversation in the morning do if someone needs to give them crucial information? What if you have to be at work early and they dont get their quiet time. It would be funny if it wasnt so entitled.

Honestly...we learn to regulate.

Previously I would set an alarm super early (2 hours before I needed to leave the house and there were NO young children present that I needed to get sorted either)

Introvert, extrovert, morning person or night owl...we are all different.

Also, some people are content to get up, shower etc and go...others expect the radio on, a full cooked breakfast, washing out on the line, the beds made etc.

Maybe just maybe OP and her DH just have entirely different expectations of what it necessary and what is not, in the mornings.

Although I agree he does need to pull his weight more in the mornings with the parenting.
The question is whether OP can step back and let that happen too? (Some people don't realise how much they have a desire to 'do' and control until they're told not to)

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 09/09/2026 10:29

How would you feel if the doctor or nurse treating you in A&E at 5AM ‘wasn’t a morning person’ and just grunted at you?

As long as they were doing their job, I really wouldn’t care. But I would also question why someone with such an aversion to mornings had chosen a job that meant they had to work and interact with the public at 5am to begin with.

How would people feel at their partner retiring from a social/family situation at 10PM because their ‘aren’t a night owl’?

I wouldn’t give a toss 😂 why would I?

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 09/09/2026 10:31

LeaveMeBee · 09/09/2026 10:10

We work jobs that aren't a 9-5!!

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Exactly. MN always assumes that everyone works a traditional 9-5 desk job with meetings. I work alone with animals - no inane chit chat and socialising required here 😂

Newbutoldfather · 09/09/2026 10:32

@beaglescurleduplikebagels ,

Do you think that is how medicine works? Unless you get to be a constant, you don’t get to choose your shift.

And, if you are passionately into medicine and helping people, I doubt you have shift work a great deal of thought before you put your UCAS application in for medicine.

I suspect that if you were with your friends/family having a great meal out and your husband disappeared home at 10PM, you would give a toss.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 09/09/2026 10:36

Newbutoldfather · 09/09/2026 10:32

@beaglescurleduplikebagels ,

Do you think that is how medicine works? Unless you get to be a constant, you don’t get to choose your shift.

And, if you are passionately into medicine and helping people, I doubt you have shift work a great deal of thought before you put your UCAS application in for medicine.

I suspect that if you were with your friends/family having a great meal out and your husband disappeared home at 10PM, you would give a toss.

I really wouldn’t. He’s an adult and if he wants to go to home to bed at 10pm that’s entirely his choice, just like it would be mine if I wanted to do the same.

And in terms of medicine and hours, if people don’t think through the fact they’ll have to work nights then that’s their issue 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Bronzeacorn · 09/09/2026 10:39

LeaveMeBee · 09/09/2026 10:10

We work jobs that aren't a 9-5!!

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So you expect me to believe that EVERYONE who has identified as "not a morning person" on this post has never worked a job that involved an early start? My husband is "not a morning person" but still manages to start work at 7am when he's on days, you must be using the Royal "we".

OP posts:
LeaveMeBee · 09/09/2026 11:00

Bronzeacorn · 09/09/2026 10:39

So you expect me to believe that EVERYONE who has identified as "not a morning person" on this post has never worked a job that involved an early start? My husband is "not a morning person" but still manages to start work at 7am when he's on days, you must be using the Royal "we".

Edited
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You need to clarify what your issue is with him.
It seems to me you're resentful that he can be at work for 7am, but doesn't help with DDs morning routine on his days off..in which case discuss that with him and find a compromise, rather than rant on MN to cries of LTB!

There will absolutely be people that are working jobs and hours that don't suit them, of course... why do you think so many people complain of unhappines, lack of work/life balance etc.

I am not a morning person. Despite years of parenting young children, sleepless nights and early risers. I've worked night shifts, day shifts earlies and lates.
I know now what suits me and my current lifestyle/wellbeing and have made changes to try to make that work best around other commitments.

Also...does he only work 2x days a week? You mentioned him working weekends.

And I can sympathise because my ex was also a selfish idiot in the mornings. I was always the one up with our young children, seeing to them whilst he only worried about himself and his routine.
Note I said EX.

You can make changes, but a conversation needs to be had either way; whether that's that he needs to step-up, or that you're done and your relationship is over...is on you.

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