Why are my children always the ones crying and miserable at birthday parties?

Coldcoffeekindamorning · 2026-09-06T17:31:31+00:00

Honestly, what am I doing wrong? Always the ones crying and screaming when we leave. I give them count downs etc, I try to be patient and calm but they are always crying when it's time to go home and I honestly can't take it anymore. My 7 year old has always been like this, it just honestly has ground me down so much over the years. I dread going to them. What am I actually doing wrong because all the other kids seem to handle it fine? I know that the other kids have their off days but mine seem to have an off day every single bloody party.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · Yesterday 18:32

Neurodivergent and overstimulated/exhausted.

Batties · Yesterday 18:33

They’re just overstimulated. I doubt it’s anything you’ve done wrong.

Needmorelego · Yesterday 18:33

Are you leaving before the party ends?

DontBuyAnotherBook · Yesterday 18:34

I think they might be ND.

MidnightPatrol · Yesterday 18:34

What happens when you leave some other activity they are enjoying eg soft play, swimming etc?

fuckeditupbadly · Yesterday 18:34

Do they react particularly badly to sugar?

Littlejellyuk · Yesterday 18:34

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · Yesterday 18:32

Neurodivergent and overstimulated/exhausted.

This ☝️ 💯 😔
My DS gets FOMO and hates it when the party ends.
You have my sympathy OP @Coldcoffeekindamorning

PrincessSassy · Yesterday 18:36

One of mine especially just found parties overwhelming, he loved them and wanted to go but they were just too much for him. I was so glad when we grew out of parties like soft play etc

Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 18:36

I have 3 kids none of them have ever done this so as people have suggested, could they be ND and just find it all a little overwhelming?? Or buddy up with someone and leave together so “everyone” is leaving at the same time x

AnnesPuffedSleeves · Yesterday 18:36

Mine was always like this and I hated class parties. At 9, it’s now much easier. No neurodivergence.

ElephantHabits · Yesterday 18:37

I mean it might not necessarily be that they are neuro divergent, my kid has autism among other issues like GDD and loves being out and enjoys the few parties she goes to but is also fine when it's time to leave but she's also more into running around with another parent than the kids. Some kids just have so much fun and don't want to leave, could maybe try hanging around until they see others going if you're quite quick to leave once the party is over, maybe them seeing others go means they aren't going to worry they will miss out?

Whaaaatszuuup · Yesterday 18:38

MidnightPatrol · Yesterday 18:34

What happens when you leave some other activity they are enjoying eg soft play, swimming etc?

Yes, that’s what I was going to say.

When you say you give them count downs, what do you say? I’d say ‘ there is ten more minutes until Rory’s party is finished. Then when we get home we are going to play with your lego’ (insert fun but not too fun activity).

earshadow · Yesterday 18:38

Does the party bag (i.e. End of party, time to go) not help? X

UpAhead · Yesterday 18:38

DontBuyAnotherBook · Yesterday 18:34

I think they might be ND.

Really or are you saying that ‘tongue in cheek’ because you expect it to be trotted out repeatedly?

GingerdeadMan · Yesterday 18:42

My son used to be a nightmare for leaving anywhere fun (didn't cry but got increasingly hyper, running off etc).

It helped to show photos of where we were going / what we were doing next, along with the count down and setting expectations. I had a photo of our house on my phone for this. I also bribed him with an episode of a favourite tv programme (one that i kept for 'treats' only).

NewLifter · Yesterday 18:43

This also resonates with me and my ND kiddo

They can struggle with transition

You're doing nothing wrong and no one will think that you are, I promise

GingerdeadMan · Yesterday 18:44

ElephantHabits · Yesterday 18:37

I mean it might not necessarily be that they are neuro divergent, my kid has autism among other issues like GDD and loves being out and enjoys the few parties she goes to but is also fine when it's time to leave but she's also more into running around with another parent than the kids. Some kids just have so much fun and don't want to leave, could maybe try hanging around until they see others going if you're quite quick to leave once the party is over, maybe them seeing others go means they aren't going to worry they will miss out?

Or maybe try collecting him a bit earlier before he gets tired and overwhelmed?

Either is worth a try.

Adults are like kids - not all love parties or find them easy to navigate.

ToddlerTime45532 · Yesterday 18:44

Are you trying to leave before the end of the party?

DooDallyHallie · Yesterday 18:49

I doubt ND woukd only manifest itself at the end of parties.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · Yesterday 18:51

DooDallyHallie · Yesterday 18:49

I doubt ND woukd only manifest itself at the end of parties.

Probably not, but it can be a lot more obvious in those situations, especially when you're around other children who aren't behaving that way.

101Alsatians · Yesterday 18:52

Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 18:36

I have 3 kids none of them have ever done this so as people have suggested, could they be ND and just find it all a little overwhelming?? Or buddy up with someone and leave together so “everyone” is leaving at the same time x

The buddying up is a really good idea - could this work OP?

Mine cope well with leaving,usually cos hot and knackered anyway,but eldest who is ND has never handled the Happy Birthday song element.Better now,but its Stevie Wonder's version all the way in this house.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · Yesterday 19:03

I have three kids, one ND. He’s normally fine but his NT sister does this, honestly she’s just kind of whiney at times. Growing out of it now but I think it’s just some kids disposition. I am 1/6 children and my sister and oldest brother were whiney kids. Neither ND, brother is totally normal now and sister is just mildly irritating (but I probably just think that because we’re sisters).

TheInternetIsNotAnalogue · Yesterday 19:18

The school have suggested my son is neuro divergent (although not been diagnosed), and he is the opposite - he cries and screams to go home. He hates noise and crowds. I took feel bad and worry what I'm doing wrong.
It seems so normal to me that a kid would cry when it's time to go home - they're disappointed. So they are clearly sociable, having a great time and literally don't want the party to end 🥳 They just don't have the maturity yet to express and handle their emotions. I'm certain they won't be doing it when they are teenagers!

I used to cry as a kid every time our holiday ended, or when I had to leave a friend's house. I just grew out of it and I certainly don't think it points to anything you have done wrong! I wanted to cry when our holiday was over this year but maintaining my liquid eyeliner is now a bigger priority.
My son on the other hand (much to my dismay) was cock-a-hoop with joy to go home!

Notaninfluencertype · Yesterday 19:27

Are they shy? I always struggled with parties because I was overwhelmed at the start, by the time I settled in and my confidence grew and I would begin to enjoy it, it would be over. We didn’t really do much as children either, lots of sat at home with broken toys watching tv that was for adults so it was upsetting leaving knowing we were going home to be bored until school.

Original poster

Coldcoffeekindamorning · Yesterday 19:39

I'm honestly not sure tbh. She's either fantastic or getting upset over the tiniest things and I really struggle with the jekyll and hyde. She has a lot of things where I think maybe it might be ND and i have braoched it with the school but no one is bothered. She behaves really well in school and is bright and clever. She gets very upset about her shoes, her socks, being late, she takes ages to go to sleep and then wakes up super early then is tired and can't cope, again floods of tears.

Last week I had some friends round for a playdate and she cried all the way home from school and then for about 70% of the playdate. She seems fine if it's just one friend or friend+siblings but as soon as its more than one family she just doesnt cope, cant tell me why shes upset etc and I honestly dont know what else to do. I feel so stressed by it all.

We did have to leave prompt today but its a bloody school night and I also have a younger DS. It's just life that we sometimes have to leave before other people but honestly her little brother copes better than her!

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