AIBU to worry my son is too young to marry?

I would be gutted if my DC was in a relationship since 15yo

I think it’s incredibly important to know who you are as an individual and you can only do that by being single for a decent amount of time.

I think the level of dependency they seem to have on each other is unhealthy.

However, I don’t think it’s particularly young and anyway there’s nothing you can do about it.

Its perhaps likely that she might want to TTC within the next couple of years (mid-late 20s) and want to be married first.

You’re just going to have to smile and pretend you’re ok with it and just be thankful he’s not in an abusive relationship.

I think you’re more concerned with the financial aspect rather than them being ‘tied down’ too young.

Those are the ages my husband and I were married and we are still together now . We bought our house 3 years before marriage, early 2000s when it was easier to get mortgage. They are both adults and I don't think you can influence their decision either way.

I was 18 when I married my husband, he was 21. We've been together 37 years now. It sounds like your son and his girlfriend know each other pretty well. There are no guarantees in this world, you just have to hope that they'll stay together and get through the tough times. Wish them well wholeheartedly and join in their excitement as they start out married life together. Be there to support them. Embrace your daughter-in-law and treat her like your own. That's all you can do.

I don’t understand the hurry.
My FIL said the exact same thing when we got engaged at 21 and 23 (only 9 months of being together though). 30+ years later and I have never forgotten that reaction...

If it were too young to marry we would have laws preventing marriage until whatever age you think is suitable. People have married in their 20s and younger for centuries. It's just in your mind you think culturally there has been a shift to older marriage and you can't cope mentally that he doesn't go along with it. They aren't necessarily any more successful marriages.

Ultimately you are being controlling due to the inheritance. If giving him the inheritance meant he was to remain alone for years on your say so then you shouldn't have given it to him and just let him have his freedom.

YABU

He sounds a very steady sort. One girlfriend since school and working as a teacher. Some people are more homebodies. You like her and they have a good relationship I’d be happy for them.

I think they are crazy and it’s too young, yes. I was that age, and you grow and change so much in your twenties. However literally nothing you can do, and it might all be fine, so let it go. Sounds like she is nice which is the main thing.

If you hadn't gifted him the money, would you still worry he is too young to marry?

If you hadn't gifted him the money, he would still end up with it eventually through inheritance and because he had chosen to marry her then the money would end up being 'their' money either way. This way you get to see them enjoy the life they have with the money you have gifted them for their home.

I met my husband at 21 and married him at 25. I didn't feel too young to be getting married. My own parents were younger still.

I continue to be very happily married 8 years later and plan to be for the rest of my life

No, perhaps if legislation changed so that you could protect what you brought into a marriage it would be fine.
But as things stand my child has everything to lose and nothing to gain by marriage. They have a child from a previous relationship and therefore a duty to maintain the ability to house that child.
Not hand half of it away in a failed marriage.

Of course it is too young. MN is awash with posters who either project or are of limited life experience themselves and think marriage and kids in early 20s is perfectly fine and normal. I disagree and would be disappointed if either of my dc chose such a provincial path in their 20s.

However, this couple sound sensible and very ordinary, so it might work out well for them.

The money aspect is his business but I wouldn't have parted with such a large amount, to avoid the very scenario you are worried about. You can always ask him about it and advise accordingly so he is protected before they marry.

Normal age to get married.

Marital assets including inheritance are shared and it's for the couple to decide what the future of that asset should be. Especially if they go on to have kids. Half of the shared assets belong to each spouse.
Not for you to decide

Have you told your son that you think his future wife is a gold-digger? Because that's the vibe your OP gives off.

I am in a happy marriage with my husband and we’ve been together since he was 19 and I was 22. Could be good : )

I married my husband when we were 22 and his parents had similar financial concerns about me. We celebrate 27 years next anniversary.

He is from a wealthy family with 4 kids. Im from a working class family with 2 kids but I had a (lovely) wealthy uncle who had no children of his own and so inheritance wise I will have received as much, if not more than, DH. This isnt something that would have been known by them (or me and DH even) at the time we married. Also, if I was a gold digger...I'd have gone for someone much richer...which I told MIL one quiet Sunday afternoon 😆

It genuinely wouldnt have crossed my mind in my early 20s to consider family wealth. I wasnt that strategic for one and secondly it wasnt important but because of my family background, I was judged harshly.

DH now doesnt have a relationship with his mum because her snobbery and bias prevails above all else.

This

I’d agree that it’s young for nowadays - average marriage age is into the 30’s. Not unusual decades ago.

Seems like the perfect natural progression for their relationship. I matured age 22 and dh was 24. I’m now 44 and still love him - completely my best friend and life partner. Seems odd you’d react like this to a happy relationship.

Yeah I think it’s young and I think it’s dull. Jesus it’s dull. I also think being given enough for a house outright is a bit…. I can’t even think of the word. It’s like all the friction must be removed. We’re going to end up with generations of blacmange people and their quasi therapy speak talking about their trauma. Next he’ll be taking up golf.

So tired of middle aged people sharing their stories. These experiences are the rare outliers from years ago.

times have moved on.

the statistics show 20s is young now

Wow! Projecting much?
Hopefully your tongue is so far in your cheek that the bulge is disguising your attempt at humour.
You are so right to be concerned about golf, why can’t adults just stick with normal activities such as drugs, drink and gambling …🙄

Indeed.

And presumably most of these stories reflect relationships which were more equal financially in terms of what was 'brought' to the marriage.

Perhaps pre-nups do need to be recognised legally. What is brought to a marriage/cp remains yours if the marriage ends but anything acquired during the marriage is split (as it should be)

I don't see the issue here really. I'd bought a house and DP and I had had a kid by the time I was 24. We're not married (DPs decision rather than mine, but we're still together 18 years on so may as well be married)

I don't feel I've missed out on anything. We've still done our exploring, just with DD in tow, and now she's off to uni and I'm only 42 with a decent job and a load of spare cash to do nice things with.

@Eralione Your son sounds like he's found his person, they tried being apart and realised they're better off together. They're already living together, any potential future breakup is going to be painful for them, married or not. It sounds like all marriage can do at this point is being security and happiness.