AIBU to worry my son is too young to marry?

I was just 22 and DH was still only 21 when we married. That was 58 years ago and we are still very happily married. Age is just a number. What matters is maturity.

My DD is getting married next year, at 24. Her fiancé is also 24. She is the first of her university peer group to marry. It is young (I was 41) but I am thrilled because they are both mature, thoughtful people who clearly love one another after five years rent together. I'm not sure 'too young' is the point. It's about the relationship in this particular case.

You say nothing about the compatibility of your son and his fiancée. If you feel positive about the marriage, surely the financial question isn't an issue.

I’d certainly be encouraging a long period of living together first.

If you hand money over to another adult you lose control over what they choose to do with it.

If he doens't marry now he could still later and still divorse and lose half.

My MIL who married at 18 and had DH at 19 - kept on we were too young to have kids - 28 and 30 - respectively. They were mortage and child free by their 40s - she now goes on about us still having a mortage and kids at home in our 50s - better our 50s than our 60s I think which is where we'd have been if we'd awaited like she wanted - also she wouldn't have been able to be the active DGP in their lives she was. I think perceptions of time do get screwed up.

The average age first time marriage of men is 32 - that's mix of economics and socially driven - if kids are planned that just means they are around and dependent closer to retirement ages.

In what world is a 10 year wait "a hurry"? They've been together long enough to know each other inside and out, and have grown together through several life stages. They are about as ready as you can get.

I presume his girlfriend hadn’t been playing the long game since the age of 14 to get her hands on your money.

This made me laugh! - exactly, I am not sure why you think this woman is after his money OP but thats what you seem to be implying and it's a bit odd considering theyve been together for that long.

25 when he gets married is not ridiculously young. He's a grown man.

Time to cut the apron strings op. Your being ridiculous.

And what indication do you have that they have not lived together for a long period already.

You seem to have a lot of ridiculously obstacles for this couple to overcome to get married. I wonder do you have the same rules for people who meet when they are older. I suspect not.

Even that is no guarantee. Cohabitation before marriage is actually correlated with higher divorce rates....

@CookieDoughJoe I was purely addressing the "perfectly normal" aspect of your post.

Definitely not too young to marry. Surely if you were worried about gold diggers this girl wouldn’t be in the frame as she’s been with him since she was a teen.

I don't see a problem with it, they have been together a few years now, they haven't rushed into it and they aren't teenagers anymore.
I married when I was 23, and next month we will be celebrating our 17th Wedding Anniversary, we have actually been together almost 22 years.

I was 23 and DH was 25 when we got married. Still happily married 16 years later. Difference is none of us had an inheritance or wealth so started on the same level and built our lives jointly from there. I don’t think you feel he’s young, the inheritance is what’s making you have reservations but you should have thought of this before signing the money over, you can’t expect him not to ever get married, as the possibility of him losing some of it in divorce will always be there if he gets married at 24 or at 50

What a lovely age to marry! Young, vibrant! God bless them and congratulations! Have you not read enough posts on MN to realise how lucky and blessed your son is?

I agree and what is the acceptable, socially approved age to get married where you can absolutely cast iron guarantee you wont ever get divorced?

Oh thats right- there isnt one! 🙄

Well it might go tits up, but it might not. I've known couples with a similar backstory go both ways - loving, long marriages and messy divorces.

I would encourage marriage counselling - look at local churches who might offer it - just to be sure they've discussed important factors such as what each of them hopes for a family, job and where they'll settle down (although sounds like that's more agreed).

Also how significant was the break up around 19 - was that serious or just to get out there a bit before deciding/ knowing for sure that they wanted to be together forever?

I would be disappointed that my child was settling down so young but it seems like this is an unpopular opinion. Has he experienced anything other than school, uni and her? Travelled, gap year, other jobs, mates holidays, hobbies, volunteering? I’ve got two friends who married in their twenties, everyone else was early to mid thirties. They are the only two who are now divorced. It’s probably coincidence, but I think when you’ve had limited experience outside of each other it’s easier to grow apart and want different things.

Every single person i know without exception who married at that age is divorced but there's bit really much you can do! Hope it works out for them.

Yeah I think it's too young. I also think marrying your childhood sweetheart is a bad move. But they're adults and get to decide for themselves.

And yes it does worry me about the 50% of the house would go to her not because I don’t think she’s lovely but because I passed it on to DS, tbh I should have thought it through before I did it but I was grieving and it seemed like the obvious thing to do.

But why would it matter if they waited until, say, age 30 to get married? - she is still going to get half of his money isnt she? thats the point of marriage surely- you pool finances

I’m worried they are just settling so young when they have much of the world to see!

He's not dying, he's just getting married. They can still go and see the world.

It's a normal age to marry and it's normal to share finances with your spouse. He is an adult.

Would you be asking this if he didn’t have any money? It’s not that young.