AIBU to worry my son is too young to marry?

You’ve known the lass since she was 14, I’d imagine you would know her well by now?
Don’t you like her?
It would seem far fetched to believe she’d been in it for the money since being a young teenager?
It sounds like they are in a very committed relationship and love each other.
Personally I would be happy to officially welcome her into the family and see them settle down and start their own family.
The financial situation would still be the same regardless of what age they married. You can be content that you’ve given them this wonderful opportunity to start their married lives together with this sort of security.
Be a good mother in law and enjoy this next chapter of family life, I’m sure it will bring you a lot of joy and wonderful memories if you let it.

Demographers have noticed this saying marriage has shifted become a cap stone event something you do after everything else has been done.

It's odd though I was marrying at 26 before kids and after 8 years together and my parents weren't keen nor were IL - but younger Dssi buying a house with boyfriend early 20s and having a kid was all greated much more postively- till boyfriend walked out when she had newborn and they couldn't sell the house. Long term my kids grew up with parents in stable realtionship and we own most of a house now while she been a single parent in HA housing.

Our son went to USA to participate in the Summer Camps and met an American girl there when he was 21. After a year she came here and they married when he was just 23yrs old. I was initially concerned that perhaps he was too young but as I had been barely 21 when I married and had only known my husband for less than 6 months, I could hardly judge him.
They waited 11 years before having children and have now been happily married for 29 years.

I think as your son has been with his partner for such a long time that they obviously know what they want in life.

If you had said he was 18, then yes that is way too young for a man these days - compared to the 50’s and 60’s when teenage marriages were very common. Let him live his life, he sounds quite sensible to me and they are possibly looking to have children together in the future and are in a very good financial position owning their own home already.

You don’t have to give identifying details to someone who may be trying to work out if they know your son/his partner.

I don't think it's too young, and I think the money is his to do as he wishes.
DH and I got engaged when he was 26 and I was 30. We'd been together two years. His family didn't approve, and there was insinuation that I was a gold-digger.
He's now 44 and I'm 48, and ironically it ended up being me who has brought more to the marriage so far as I received a large inheritance five years ago that cleared the mortgage with a lot of savings left over. I've never considered anything legal to say the financial contribution is in my name only, tbh we've been together 20 years and even if it ended I'd feel it was fair to split it.
They've been together 10 years and everything sounds good for them. It sounds like the financial is the bit you're worried about, but they should share it how they would like. It would be best to be happy for them, I don't have a good relationship with my in-laws as a result of their concerns back then.

Actually, I sort of agreed with everyone that it is a tad younger than average nowadays yada yada yada but ok, until Imentally listed those I personally know who had been together a decade (first relationship) and got married. Most separated after a year. But there is nothing you can do, we are not assured successful marriages at any age.

Its the inheritance you're worried about. Not the marriage.

They've been together nearly 10 years.

Please don't tell him your fears. It might taint things forever. 😔

Yanbu.

It's a legally binding contract with massive financial implications if things go tit's up......I wouldn't even consider it unless I had DC. Then it's worth it.

I’ve been with DH since we were 17, married since 25. Perfectly normal. YABU

It genuinely never occurred to you for a moment that your 19 year old was too young to get married? I find that very surprising indeed.

It’s pretty normal to protect assets when one person is bringing in a lot more than the other.

If it reassures you I was a mum at 25. Still happily married at 45 and actually for us settling down younger is allowing us to do more now. Also my career didn’t suffer as I couldn’t afford to stop work like many of my friends did and, although we did less holidays etc with our daughter and lived in a smaller house than many of her friends we are now enjoying travelling and are able to support her at uni without the pressure of retirement being right around the corner.

I don’t think you’re wrong to be concerned given their age. Yes they’ve been together a long time but that’s possibly more a concern because they have such little life experience outside of each other.

I realise that used to be the norm but it doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. I do think it limits people and makes their world smaller.

However, you can’t say any of this to your son unless you are absolutely and totally sure he will appreciate the concern but won’t take it very personally.

What you could gently suggest to them both (don’t pull him aside and make it sneaky) is they could have something legal drawn up around the house. I don’t think it’s fair that she may never have any claim to it but maybe there is a way to at least protect his investment initially.

You need to tread really carefully here.

Not too young at all, especially as they've been together for so long and have decided this is what they want to do.

They've been sensible, planning, not had 2 kids by this age, which would be more of a concern for you I'm sure than getting married!

I would be very happy if my DS had been in a relationship for so long and wanted to do this.

It does sound far fetched but they were both very mature. As soon as they became a couple they started planning their life together. They paid for everything for their wedding themselves (apart from the car that brought her to the church and the bouncy castle they had at the reception!) They had a five year plan and are heading towards their ten year goals. We could not be more proud of them .

They are living as a married couple and have responsible adult lives. They are absolutely ready to marry. Congratulations on raising your son so well. Be proud and enjoy being mother of the groom.

Realistically 'seeing the world' is just as likely to be working in a bar in Greece one summer (pick up some Greek), lots of holidays in Magaluf or wherever. It is much less likely to be teaching English in Japan or a working hol in Australia (though one of my DSGS did this - another worked in a bar in Greece). Most young people can't do those things, they are very middle-class.
Having sex with more than one person is fine, but with each person you then have a lasting connection. You are also perhaps seeing sex as purely for fun, which it isn't, it's about pair bonding and rearing young. Treating sex as just for fun for a number of years can then impact on the relationship you want to last. Sorry, but it does.
Not being judgemental, being psychologically conservative. You, however, are being judgemental about Magaluf - what's wrong with going on holiday there, from your point of view, since fun and sex with more than one person is fine?

Realistically 'seeing the world' is just as likely to be working in a bar in Greece one summer (pick up some Greek), lots of holidays in Magaluf or wherever.

Probably easier to teach English in Japan than work in a bar in Greece post Brexit.

Perhaps the loss of these carefree opportunities is turning a generation of young people into bores who are choosing a mundane life of domesticity and monotony.

My son married at 19.

Realistically 'seeing the world' is just as likely to be working in a bar in Greece one summer (pick up some Greek), lots of holidays in Magaluf or wherever.

Exactly - I never understand why people go on about "seeing the world"- these days, who the heck can afford that? who can afford to take a year out, unpaid, while you travel around to all these far flung places that involve plane trips?

When I was younger, I spent every summer abroad for 2 weeks (all I could afford at the time) and I still managed to do it whilst in various relationships. I still "saw the world" despite being in a relationship with someone

“Seeing the world” isn’t spending two weeks in Magaluf. It could be teaching English in Japan, travelling through South America, a working holiday on Australia.

As for this!- firstly, that doesnt appeal to me at all so why on earth should I have to do it?? Just because some people like these things, doesnt mean everyone does- thats a bit silly isnt it? and to think that spending a year in Australia picking fruit will guarantee you wont get divorced in the future is just batshit, sorry.

They have been together nearly 10 years, I hardly class that as rushing into it. You worry that they will miss out on life experiences.... Why wouldn't you be happy for them to experience it together?
I think you're more worried about the money!