AIBU to expect my brothers to help visit our mother in hospital?

Did they spend any time with her before she was in hospital?
Sorry your mum's had a fall. How old is she @YourNattyGreyViewer ?

It would be nice but you can't make them do it.

You’re not being unreasonable to wish for help but realistically if they’ve never been ones for helping they’re not going to magically step up I’m afraid.

You can’t make them visit her. You could suggest that if they did - even once a week - it would make your life easier.

Urgh! It makes me really cross that so many elderly parents, normally mothers, still expect their daughters to provide hands-on care, are never particularly grateful for that care and still favour their sons, who do nothing practical to help at all.

Yep

Your mum set the dynamics @YourNattyGreyViewer you can’t change them now unless you inform all parties

We will take it in turns I will visit once every 6 days day 2 and 4 are brother 1 and brother 2

You are them same, letting your brothers do nothing because it’s not seen, because you take up their slack.

Yes they absolutely should be supporting you, i have a cousin and she does everything for her parents including being the emergency contact for the care home etc etc. Her 3 brothers find is too upsetting to be involved!
It is just selfish to let you carry the burden

I think you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to go so often when it’s not necessary. I would go once during the week and once each weekend.

I had exactly this with my siblings OP. Other PP are right, it doesn't matter what you say or do, if your brothers don't want to visit, then they won't.

I could hardly believe the selfishness of my siblings when my mother was elderly, but I sometimes wonder if she had built a rod for her own back, because they were her favourites and she had spoilt them. I note one of your brothers is the favourite. I think that having a favourite child damages the whole family, it fosters a massive sense of entitlement in the chosen one.

I went nc with both of my siblings after my mum died, and it has brought me peace instead of anger and frustration.

If they aren’t close then they won’t visit. I probably wouldn’t visit mine

To be honest im not surprised. From the little you have written admittedly, it looks like the 3 of you (4 including your mother) have decided you, OP, are responsible for your DM and anything your brothers do is optional. At 90 it will be almost impossible to change the dynamic now. You can pull back on what you do but I doubt there is any action you can take to influence your brothers or induce in them a level of responsibility. It will simply result in a lower lever of support for your DM. That may be an appropriate outcome and please don’t feel guilty if that is what ends up happening.

But that was their choice to have children - it’s not selfish not to want to do elderly care for someone you’re not close to.

This is actually really sad that they don't want to go and visit their own mother.

I can't imagine how sad I would feel if I were in hospital and neither of my adult DC gave a toss about coming to see their own Mum. Its hideous.

So your Dm expected that you would look after her, but didn’t have the same expectation of her sons?
FWIW when my DF was in hospital for a long time, my DBs visited far less often than me and my sister, until such point that DF was up and about. However, even if they’d visited daily, I would still have visited as often as I did because I wanted to.
Why not cut down your frequency and phone her instead? It’s not like she’s sitting in her own house alone.

I’d give a few family members a call, and say I wonder if you’d have time to visit mum. My brothers are selfish shits so it’s just me and dh visiting, and it’s be really nice for her to have someone else. I’d say her friends too but they might be too old! Your brothers kids as well if they have any. Make sure everyone knows, it’s really important their kids especially know if they have any so they don’t feel guilty not visiting your brothers when their time comes. What goes around comes around.

The difference is that parents choose to have children, children don’t choose to be born!

You sound like you have some resentment towards your parents, nobody says well we didn't choose to be born, if they get on with their mum and dad,

I hate these kinds of trite comments. Some of us had awful childhoods and parents that didn’t give a shit then or now. Having to care for them as they age becomes a hideous obligation.

Put boundaries in place. This isn’t fair.

My brothers didn't bother either. It's wimmin's work, innit?

Whenever threads along these lines come up, there are always posts like this “just tell your sibling that from now on they’re doing X”

They are adults who OP doesn’t employ. She can’t tell them what to do and expect that it will work, regardless of how unreasonable they might be being (I’m not sure I agree with OP’s comment that her brother working a lot isn’t an excuse, depending on the circumstances, commute length, distance to hospital etc etc)