AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

I would also suggest getting signed off sick for work stress, and do mention the bullying to your GP. Medical evidence of workplace stress should be submitted if you pursue a claim.

@derFutterneid btw I wouldn’t worry too much about the reference issue. If you end up in an interview at all (and you may never do so because I too am sure the Pilates will work out) just tell the interviewer yourself that you had no sick leave in 10 years until they burned you out and you had to accept medical advice and step back until you were fully recovered. If they like you, you’ll get the job anyway. Good luck!

I’m another who could have written something very similar & I’m sorry you’re going through this. I resigned (as soon as I could afford it) and I’ve never looked back. I’ve had 2 temp jobs since, leading to a lovely PT min wage job I see myself happily continuing in until I retire. Years later when I meet ex-colleagues for coffee - the toxicity continues and I thank my lucky stars I put myself first for a change. They don’t deserve your loyalty so let them find someone else to treat like shite. Not all workplaces are like this, wishing you the very best of luck x

I'm so sorry, I can't believe they downgraded you when you work so hard for them. I'd 100% leave but I also would only work my actual job requirements in the meantime. No going over or beyond, no handover to support staff who might be lining up for your role. If you can develop your pilates business on the side to make it your full time job, I'd do that. I'd use all your annual leave and days owed then tell them you won't work somewhere where you are killing yourself with workload and completely under-appreciated.

Although, I would be tempted to challenge the downgrade first... I don't know if they can do that if your work is 'excellent'. Can you speak to ACAS?

Ok you win. Well done.

I would leave they don't appreciate your work or manner and if you accept this downgrade you are accepting you are difficult. It sounds as if one of the people on the appraisal board doesn't like you,is quite forceful and the others have not gone in to at for you.How we are perceived can be a shock,but if you have never had this kind of feedback before it sounds like a personality clash.

I wouldn't leave just yet OP because it seems like a knee jerk reaction which will play right into the hands of the managers who seem to want rid of you by the cheapest method possible. The meeting that they are attempting to plan could be construed as bullying!! especially if their intention is to character assassinate you!!
Push back passively! Find your original contract if you can with duties listed and work to rule!! If they want a meeting with you then get ready to have someone with you to take notes or tell them you are recording the meeting so you can address points made at a later date in a further meeting. They have downgraded you so you have every right to revert back to the job as it would be for those conditions. If they are concerned about staff morale then it is up to them to improve working conditions so everyone is happy, smiley and cheerful. Not always achievable when you are bogged down with overwork trying to meet deadlines because the goalposts have moved every time someone was made redundant and they put their work on other employees.
If you are intent on leaving then do as others have suggested and go for sick leave signed off by your GP and work your notice around the fit note. In other words do everything you need to make your future work/employment work for you with the Pilates.

I would still say you are not allowed to give negative reference because to give one you need to have concrete evidence as you might get taken to court for defamation etc. Because of this, no one nowadays gives negative references unless something really bad had happened - but even then, most people avoid the hassle.

In OPs case, her bosses would be extremely stupid to say something negative as they have zero proof of her shortcomings.

Management will say whatever they need to in order to justify downgrading or dismissing an employee if they think ots for the good of the business.
Easy said than done but please don't take it to heart. Years ago I was in a similar situation where my appraisal was basically 2hrs of my line manager telling me about how unapproachable I was, not a team player, causing the business to lose customers etc. It later transpired that my line managers department was massively under performing which was a reflection on her Management skills and she needed a scapegoat quick before she got the sack, which ended up being me!

1. Take some sick leave starting tomorrow due to the stress caused by the workplace
2. Make a GP appointment to explore with them if it’d be reasonable being signed off for longer due to manage your own wellbeing
3. With rest, when able, work to build your exit from this place. Hopefully while you’re off they’ll recognise your value. If not then you’ll have get yourself back to a place where you can build your future.

How dare you criticise someone like that. The OP has said the role suits her and it's no one else's business why she hasn't "progressed" to your satisfaction. I'm 60 and I've never earnt more than the average UK wage due to disabilities and various personal matters, despite having a degree. Are you going to sneer at me too?

What a snide and unhelpful post.

That's brilliant, OP. Focus on that. In a year's time, or possibly sooner, you will look back on all this and wonder how you endured such a nightmare for so long.

I used to be in a similar position and went self-employed. My salary trebled fairly quickly and I no longer have to deal with arseholes.

Incompetent managers protect their jobs by shitting on competent people like you. Stop wasting your time covering up for them in return for abuse.

I wasn't surprised to hear you're in your 50's, opinions and challenging the status quo is only okay when you're in your 20/30s and then you start being seen as bitter and annoying. I've seen it so many times and I absolutely feel it's steeped in ageism and misogyny (mainly ageism as men are seen as grumpy old men).

Just leave - your health is far more important and they sound like complete toxic arseholes.

Leave and your notice period usually starts as soon as it is submitted and acknowledged.
You’re stressed, not sleeping and it will be affecting your health.
Take the time to build up your Pilates and rest/recuperate.
I worked for a company that was taken over by another person, they made so many changes, brought in new staff and made it really difficult for the existing staff to stay.
Despite never receiving a customer complaint and going above and beyond in my role I was pulled into a meeting about my attitude….
Apparently I hadn’t been jolly enough and I was affecting morale (I was the last remaining member of staff from the original bunch). I handed in my notice there and then and never looked back.
The place still has a high turnover of staff now as I work within the same industry so hear about it in local gossip.

If ever there was a case for constructive dismissal this is it. Document everything that has been said to you.

References:

https://www.gov.uk/work-reference

An employer is duty-bound to be fair, accurate and honest when giving a reference; it must be realistic and representative of the individual in question. An employer should not exaggerate or present the individual in an unjustified way for any reason, whether that’s overly positive or overly negative.

An employer cannot provide a negative reference without any justification, and they cannot speculate or include conjecture. This means that it is unlawful for an employer to act in a vindicative or untruthful way when providing references.

However, they can include statements that could be perceived as negative – for example, statements on the individual or their abilities – if they can be shown to be truthful and justified in the context of the role for which they are applying.

You need to do so-called 'quiet quitting'. Become chatty and smiley with everyone but actually do the minimum of work. Tell management everything is wonderful and never criticise anything.

Look out for a better job while doing this or even stay where you are and enjoy being paid for doing the minimum.

Leave, if it’s minimum wage and you don’t have childcare flexibility to worry about just leave and get another pt job.

DO NOT RESIGN! You’ve been there 18 years!

Other posters have suggested quitting then claiming for constructive dismissal, but this is notoriously hard to win.

See your GP and get signed off sick. Then file a grievance. Sit tight until they get rid of you and are forced to pay you redundancy.

It could also be classed as age discrimination if the people who progressed after their appraisals were all younger than the OP.

If the OP is the oldest member of staff and the only one to be downgraded that would suggest discrimination based on her age. Google Assistant suggests

Why a Single Downgrade Raises Red Flags
Under the Equality Act 2010, age is a protected characteristic. For an appraisal-based downgrade to be legally defensible, it must meet strict standards of objective fairness: 1, 2]

• Lack of Evidence: Tribunals heavily scrutinise the paper trail. If you have years of positive appraisals and suddenly receive a low score with no documented history of performance concerns, the employer's case weakens significantly. 1]
• Subjective or Ageist Language: Performance reviews must look purely at competence. Look closely at the written and verbal feedback. Subtle code words like "lacking agility," "struggling to adapt to new technology," "lacking energy," or hints about retirement are often markers of unconscious or conscious age bias. 1, 2]
• Inconsistent Metrics: If you are being scored against criteria that younger colleagues are not held to, or if your manager lacks a clear, transparent framework for the downgrade, it may constitute direct age discrimination. 1, 2]