AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

I would go to the gp and say you aren't sleeping and shaking with stress due to this particular job and get a sick note. That way you don't have to return. Then hand in your notice - how Long do you have to give? Or hand in your notice today and get a sick note or just phone in sick or take annual leave? They must pay you the annual leave you haven't taken

They are shitty managers and its probably not that they want to get rid of you but that they can't cope with managing you

Pilates is the new fitness fashion class at the moment- so make the most of it as in 10 years it'll be something else, by then it wont matter

I would leave and I certainly wouldn't agree to a meeting where 2 or more of them can tear my character to shreds. Bad enough they've said it without any actual examples but to then want to pile on is appalling.
I had an appraisal years ago and I knew I was very good at my job in retail always helpful, willing to do anything, friends with colleagues and popular with customers, I was the only one who would stay late or do shifts i didn't normally do to cover staff shortages and my appraisal was that I was just below average. I asked him why that was and it's apparently because they were very big on doing charity stuff and had started helping with a graveyard cleanup every month and I hadn't done it. I told him i had worked a 2 hour morning shift for free while a colleague went to do their bit because I can't physically do that sort of stuff, it wasn't compulsory and not my job to make them look good. He did put me back to just above average but I never worked another extra shift or stayed late.

I have only ever left one job with no job to go to but that worked out ok in the end. It sounds like you have put up with a lot for a long time and now is the time to say enough is enough. As pp have said work out how much AL is owing to you and make sure that gets factored in to your notice. Edited to agree with others, if you teach Pilates you have a brilliant fallback career. Impossible to find classes with spaces where I live.

My advice is - leave. For your own wellbeing to ensure they can't get into your head any more than they already have.

But you have a number of options as to how to do this:

1. Get signed off sick with work-related stress, as they have made you ill. I would suggest you consider doing this anyway in addition to whichever of the following options you choose, to give you time to consider your next move. If they were to contemplate giving you a bad reference due to sick leave it could be very risky for them, if the evidence on your fit note indicates they themselves made you ill.
2. Resign. Either a straightforward factual resignation letter or one that clarifies the reasons for your resignation/the fact that they have caused your current ill health (you can stay on sick leave throughout your notice - check your contract to determine your notice period). You could also choose to say you are contemplating options 3 or 4, but would prefer to leave on amicable terms including a positive reference.
3. Raise a formal grievance. Just to point out that it will probably be a difficult and painful process and (given what you have described about the workplace and its management) is unlikely to give you a satisfactory outcome. But it may be useful if you choose option 4, as it will show that you have tried in good faith but unsuccessfully, to resolve things with your employer. It could also force them to produce the evidence to justify their decisions (so it will be obvious if this is flimsy) and you can raise any potential sexism/ageism concerns.
4. Claim constructive dismissal - though in practice this can be very challenging to prove. So you would need legal advice in case you are contemplating this.

I think you need to decide whether to leave this shower behind you and move on with your life, or fight to hold them accountable. That is entirely a personal decision, so please do whichever works best for you. Just to point out that as you are being overworked it is unlikely that redundancy is on the table; it is the job, not the person in the job, which is made redundant. So I wouldn't hold out just for that.

But they can do it which is the opposite of what you said in this post.

I completely disgaree about leaving. I’ve also been treated badly by manager but I will not be pushed out of a job I am good at. No way will I let the bullies win.

As for those suggesting a supermarket job, wake up! Do you have any idea how hard it is get a supermarket job? Many rounds of application, situational analysis etc, most applications thrown out by AI. Near to impossible.

It sounds like those giving appraisal have no idea of how to do their job. Basically they are idiots. Do you stick it out and do the minimum or do you leave? Only you can decide what makes you happier.

I’d have a word with ACAS, I’m wondering if you have grounds for a potential constructive dismissal case.
Meanwhike, you could go down the quiet quitting route, work to rule, take sick leave if your GP will sign you off , and start applying for other jobs.

Thinking about it OP, I’d have that meeting with the managers. Go in and say “before you start, have this” and put your resignation letter on the table and walk out of the room. Bugger all they can do.

Whilst waiting for the meeting and during your notice period, work to rule.

It's a toxic work environment and they are clearly taking advantage of you. You sound like you're working far too many hours. It's not your responsibility as an employee to make up the work of other people. It's the company's responsibiity to staff their business properly.
As for the assessment, I would take it with a pince of salt. It sounds like the business is not replacing people who leave and lots of people are leaving. They are in trouble and they are trying to blame you but in all likelihood, downgrading you is a cost saving exercise and not based on bad feedback at all. Otherwise they would have lots of actual examples.
If I were you, I would leave. Go to your GP and tell them the effect it is having on your mental health and get signed off. Let them manage without you if they dislike your attitude so much. Then look for another job, if you want one, and then hand your notice in. Stop acting as though you owe these people something by picking up extra work, dancing to their tune. You owe them nothing - apart from your resignation to be honest. They sound horrible.

Don’t do this. You need to maintain the moral high ground and your position as someone who has behaved properly. Do find another job as others gave suggested and give proper notice and leave. They are clearly trying to force you out. At this stage of your life and a stressful minimum wage job it is not worth fighting.

Get as much sick leave as you can out of the bastards, then resign. Build up your pilates business whilst off. You can do it ❤

Yes. I worked in a job where they used a very straightforward appraisal system which worked well. They changed it to an American system which used graphs and was very complex. We were not only measured by how well we had achieved the goals and targets that had been set, which I would expect, but also how by much we had gone beyond that in terms of extra tasks and initiatives. This was for a low paid, low level job.

I in no way suggested any of the situation was positive or acceptable.

100% leave OP. And see your GP to discuss sick leave - they can absolutely give you a fit note for one job (the one that's making you sick) but you can continue to do another. You sound like a great, hardworking employee that anyone would be lucky to have, and they will realise what they are missing when it's too late.

This stood out to me in your OP though:

Apparently I am too outspoken, but they specifically asked me to join a group of staff to talk about branch issues. I asked to step down from this and was asked to stay as my opinions are valued. After one meeting the head of the company told my manager that they were really impressed with how I professionally handled myself. Seeing me upset, a friendly manager told me that I had pissed off one of the managers by questioning something, and that the company ask for my opinion, but don't always like the answers.

You have probably realised by now, but 99% of companies don't actually want genuine feedback from employees, and sadly it does nothing but put you in the firing line. Your opinion won't be valued, and I suspect the origin of all this lies somewhere in the meeting you referenced. I absolutely refuse to attend these sorts of groups and forums (I work in the NHS so there are loads) and suggest you do the same in future.

If you don't need the money, I'd just quietly apply for other jobs. When you get one, I'd aim to start it at the beginning of the month, right after payday so they can't dock you money and just not go back. I wouldn't give them notice or anything, I just wouldn't show up. Let them see how many plates you were actually spinning.

How do you mean downgraded? Appraisals usually look at how much you're achieving your objectives and what you should do to improve if needed. It might also look at things like flexibility and team work. You seem to be saying they have criticized your attitude and demeanor which are hard to measure. They have not been able to give proper examples so it does seem like they might be trying to encourage you to leave for whatever reason. Don't make it easy for them!. If they are unsatisfied with your work they need to tell you clearly and document it. I agree with others you should look for something else or follow up on your plans but only when you are good and ready.

From what you describe in your post I would say this has nothing to do with you and iscsome sort of ticic style of management where they manipulate a high staff turnover. This can be to save on giving payrises among other things.
Leave and find a better job. With your years experience there is bound to be a better opportunity for you, even if it doesn't arrive immediately.
Good luck.

This is appalling (your situation, not the quote!). I agree with @Ezzee but without the maybe. How long do they pay sick leave for? I’d leave without notice, to go on the sick, continue getting sick notes until all your sick leave pay (full and partial) is gone, and then resign. Build your Pilates business in the meantime. If anyone from work found out, the answer would be that you’re doing it for your mental health, which they have destroyed. That’s “allowed”.

Either that, or do them for constructive dismissal, but that may require a longer period of evident mistreatment; others on mumsnet will be able to advise, I’m sure. And in case you think I’m a chancer or whatever, I’m a 60 year old woman who usually disapproves vehemently of sicknote culture, but in your case they absolutely deserve it.

It's really telling that the things you were told after the appraisal had never been raised with you before. Please get legal advice before you resign, or go off sick with stress and get legal advice then.

I was in a job in my late 50s where new, young, inexperienced management came in. After one particular meeting I came home, thought "I'm too old for this shit", checked my finances and quit. I intended to retire but then saw a fantastic job advertised and applied for and got it. Along with a 40% salary increase. Stayed there until I properly retired, although I still do some project work for them. Leave. And make sure you have an exit interview.

OP, classic story of you killing yourself and them wrongly thinking you will take any bullshit from them.
Go to the GP and get signed off for stress which you undoubtedly have.
Take time to think, plan and apply elsewhere.

Then resign.

Go off on the sick and job hunt in the meantime. Had a similar experience recently after working for decades like a trooper with a clean sickness record. You are just a number and once you open your eyes to see that your life will become so much better xx

@derFutterneid you need to speak to ACAS, they are managing you out and by demoting you are probably hoping you will resign. It's constructive dismissal. I'm fairly certain that an Employment Tribunal would find in your favour and you would get a payout.

Firstly though, send every email and any paperwork you have to your personal mailbox, or make copies. Work your notice as diligently as you can. Respond to everything your managers say in writing, or email a recap of any in person conversations to the people involved ("I understand from our conversation x, y, z..." etc.) Don't put anything in writing that you wouldn't want to be read out in public, be polite and concise. Get evidence of positive interactions with colleagues.

Ask again, in writing, for evidence of the behaviours they are accusing you of.

If you are asked to attend any more meetings I think you should record them discreetly. It can be frowned upon, but in a recent bullying case the Tribunal found in the claimants favour and relied on the recording transcripts for evidence in his favour.

Others might think I'm being OTT, but 80% of my work involves employment tribunal admin for a very large organisation. Our Legal team would be advising your managers in no uncertain terms that they are risking an unfair dismissal claim and treating you unfairly.

I'd definitely get yourself signed of with stress first for at least the next 4 weeks. Then you can state that you felt you had to leave because of work related stress. It'll also give you space to hand in notice via email if you wish, and for them to realise that they've shot themselves in the foot of work isn't getting done. You also can get a bit of oay whole you sort out ipping your hours with pilates and putting your efforts elsewhere 😉

Goodluck.

It's hard to leave what's familiar, I left teaching after 10 years as the school in which I worked became a toxic environment when a new head took over.

Im now happy doing a degrer and work semi part time (57 hours a fortnight)