AIBU to stop helping after injuring myself lifting elderly neighbour?

YANBU. As PP have said, it is now time for SS to get involved and a proper assessment of needs to be undertaken as to whether or not they are safe to live at home and what adaptions need to be made to allow them to safely live at home.

It's likely the adult children are already wanting adaptions making - moving to bungalow/ more suitable accommodation, carers ect but their parents are sticking head in the sand and saying neighbours are happy to help.

Moving to a bungalow is only possible if they can afford to. Plenty of people can't afford a bungalow, they are more expensive than houses.

My mother had one and she wore it during the day time but left it on the dressing table at night, quite distance away from the bed which was where she was quite likely to fall. She would take it into the bathroom with her but put it carefully on the door handle "so it doesn't get wet", the opposite end of the room to the sink. One morning she was having a wash and fell backwards into the empty bath and was stuck there for 6 hours until her very kind neighbours came home and noticed that her curtains were still closed at lunchtime. They managed to get her out but it was hugely embarrassing for her because she had absolutely nothing on! Poor Mum.
(Soon after that and a few more falls, we decided to up sticks and go to live with her. Shortly after she was diagnosed with vascular dementia. There were no more falls and the very expensive alarm system went back.

An Apple watch will start phoning the local emergency services if you fall over.
Maybe get him one of those.
He'd have to remember to charge it tho.

That's terrible. Why were you not allowed cot sides? My elderly relative is allowed them, it's really wrong for someone who needs them not to have that protection. Are you in the UK?

Yeah, you wouldn't just have a handful of people being responsible or one street. That would be too much. It would be a full town thing. Everyone would be properly vetted and trained - education would have to be different. A lot of things in society would need to change at the same time, to be fair.

Fantasy land. Would never happen in this country.

The current system just doesn't work. We need a better one.

No, nothing is completely failsafe. But in my experience of many years of working in the community, they work fairly well. They are often the first step in getting someone to accept that they are at risk and need things on place to help manage that, as they are fairly benign. Of course if someone refuses to wear it then it’s useless, but so is every other technique / tool that isn’t used / accepted.

We live on a residential park and one of our neighbours was prone to falling. A combination of bad mobility and being pissed. He was a big bloke too. I heard him shouting at 1.30 in the morning and went round one of the other neighbours was there on the phone to the ambulance. He had decided to take his rubbish out and fell on the steps. Our other neighbour suggested trying to lift him and I said no because in the first place I couldn't do it and we could injure him even more. He ended up in hospital for 2 weeks. And he did it again one afternoon, he did have an alarm but they didn't answer, I know because i was there. Ambulance came and put him to bed. I emailed social services as he wasn't safe and they replied that they knew he had a lot of falls but not that neighbours were helping him and would look into it. Unfortunately he died about a month ago but I think he would have ended up in a home otherwise.
It's awful when you want to help or feel like you should but they won't help themselves.

If you read my reply and that of others about this, you’ll understand why bed rails are not provided to people with significant cognitive impairment due to risk of death / serious harm. That’s not hyperbole, it’s the advice and guidance from the MHRA following many serious incidents involving bed rails. Floor beds and crash mats are standard way of managing someone who is regularly falling out of bed, as they would then have nowhere to fall. If this doesn’t work, the person needs overnight waking care.
As an OT I have had many very difficult discussions with families about bed rails. It’s even harder when I see someone for the first time who has had bed rails for a long time but who is now not safe to have them meaning they need to be taken away (replaced with the floor bed above). It’s not a part of my job that I enjoy.
And yes this is in England.

This is a large part of the issue. Some elderly people seem to wilfully relish doing stuff they know they shouldn’t just to prove they still can ( although usually it proves the direct opposite).

So when my cousin went to visit my Dad, there he was on a step ladder trying to reach some nebulous item, despite the fact he was 92 at the time, unsteady on his feet with various health conditions and despite the fact we visited at least weekly and asked if there were any chores he needed us for.

In this case it sounds like the man simply shouldn’t be driving any more. The primary people who should be told that people won’t be helping any more are the couple themselves. They are the ones asking for help and putting OP and others in a dangerous position.

Plenty of disabled people can drive. Not being able to take rubbish out is a different skill set.

Who is calling you when it happens? That person should be calling the ambulance in first place - not calling you and putting it on you to call the ambulance.

That's a lovely way of explaining a need for change. It doesn't need to be a blame exercise. There are all manner of services available to support people to remain in their own homes , safely.
GPS will signpost, make referrals to relevent agencies to help .

Agencies are OTs to make assessments and provide mobility aids. Carers to come in to home. Physio maybe to help with mobility or a review of medication by the GP.
It all helps. It doesn't magically mean he will never fall again.

Not least because the ratio of young adults to older people needing care is very different now to what it was even a few decades back. If we didn't keep people alive and infirm for such a long time and we also had a young adult cohort who'd been born at a time when we still had above replacement birthrates, there'd be much more scope for this kind of thing.

Mum was 95 and in the end stages of advanced dementia. Completely bedbound - couldn’t even sit up unaided. We were advised to have the hospital bed at home because the features would help with things like pressure sores, chest infections, positioning and sitting. We agreed because she’d been in hospital a few weeks earlier and the bed she was in had these features and also had cot sides - rails. We assumed this would be the case at home, but they wouldn’t budge despite the fact that she would roll over and fall out pretty much every night. In the end they put foam bumpers on either side of her and crash mats around the bed. Didn’t stop her falling out but they said that at least she wouldn’t injure herself. Didn’t solve the problem that we couldn’t pick her up though.

And as I keep saying, while the people have capacity, and refuse, there is zero that social services can do.

@godmum56 If they have over £23,009 SS do nothing anyway! Not even assess in many areas. Yes, they should, but they don’t.

And as I keep saying, while the people have capacity, and refuse, there is zero that social services can do.

This is of course true; but where someone is reported to SS as being a Vulnerable Adult then there is a duty to investigate and assess their needs. But of course they might not let them in the door and that is their right.

Having savings over the SS care support threshold does not stop someone accessing free assessment and advice from a social worker and/or an OT - it just means that they would have to pay for care.

Here are chapter and verse
Yes, Adult Social Services (often referred to as part of "SS") are legally obliged to act if a report is made concerning a vulnerable adult. Under the Care Act 2014, their specific legal obligations are triggered depending on the nature of the report. 1, 2, 3, 4]
The response is split into two primary statutory duties: 1, 2]

1. The Statutory Duty to Enquire (Safeguarding)

• Has needs for care and support (whether or not the council is currently meeting those needs),
• Is experiencing, or is at risk of, abuse or neglect, and
• As a result of their care and support needs, is unable to protect themselves from that risk or experience. 1, 2]

1. The Statutory Duty to Assess (Care & Support Needs)

• The Low Threshold: The obligation is triggered by the appearance of need. They are legally required to assess regardless of the person's financial situation or whether social services think their needs will ultimately be eligible for funded care. 1, 2, 3, 4]
• Exception for Refusals: An adult with mental capacity has the right to refuse a care needs assessment. However, if they lack the mental capacity to refuse, or if safeguarding/abuse is suspected, social services must carry out the assessment anyway. 1, 2]

I am a retired social worker and generally found that when we went in under these circumstances people were glad to know what was available - but not so wild about paying for it where appropriate!

They either need live in carers, the alarm or to be in a home (or their DCs homes). It’s not fair on you or your neighbours, and as you’ve seen, potentially dangerous.

@Donsyb Do you know how much live in carers cost? Lots and lots of money. He fell getting into a car so is driving! Doesn’t need a live in carer, just common sense.

If the man is fine to drive then he can research his own solution to his own problem!!

On a general note: my mum’s neighbours have been very helpful to her. I’m in direct contact with them and have asked for their help to check on her when she’s not responding to the phone and I know her electricity is off. However, I know this is only something that is reasonable to expect of people occasionally, in an emergency and not a frequent ask. So I’m making another arrangement. It saddened me when I spoke to social care that they said most people who are notified to them are notified for the first time by a neighbour when found on the ground, in their garden or on a pavement. Or wandering. As a society we need to take actions earlier to support people and prevent crisis.

diddledoodum

And you’re very naive to think a neighbourhood rota would end the need for care homes (or professional paid for carers). Our higher life expectancy and related increased frailty and medical needs in the very elderly means that they need deducted care and support from people who know what they’re doing. Otherwise you’re risking a whole group of people dying painful deaths from pressure sores, contractures, falls.

Absolutely agreed. People in care homes or receiving domiciliary care need much more knowledge than a constant parade of strangers who do a couple of days a month. This is a recipe for absolute disaster. I know care is regarded as unskilled work, and paid accordingly, but you can't deliver adequate care if you just have anyone walk in off the street to do it.

When safeguarding failures like avoidable deaths happen in care homes, the investigation always reveals high staff turnover, resulting in a combination of too many inexperienced new staff members and management filling the gaps with agency staff.