AIBU to stop helping after injuring myself lifting elderly neighbour?

@OneLilacHedgehog Yrs it’s about women going out to work!They don’t have time for helping neighbours as my DM did. However the people needing help must be far more reasonable. I find many are stubborn and demanding and they don’t make it easy for their dc or anyone else.

No. I and my neighbours worked.
I know things have changed a lot. I am just saying it must be hard for some of these elderly people who will have given significant help to neighbours when young, to be told you are on your own when they need help.

@OneLilacHedgehogI don’t think they are often completely alone. They just cannot expect constant attention.

I assume it was women who did this and was before most women worked full time?

Yes woman. Many did work full time.

Oh bless you, im so sorry this happened to you. It is so kind of all of you to be helping the neighbourly couple. However there should be a care plan in place to help them or carers to come in several times a day. Your poor knee it could take some time for your knee to recover. I know it's so hard when you want to help but please don't jeopardise your own health. I'm sure they would understand this.

I am old too. One thing I do remember about my childhood is that people genuinely had more time than they do now.

Sounds totally normal to me... If you can help, then great and if you can't then don't.

Yes becauae they weren't doing lots of paid leisure activities. Weekends were shopping, housework and chatting to neighbours and family.

How is it “totally normal” for neighbours to be regularly lifting someone who has fallen? Doing a bit of shopping, fine. Potentially injuring yourself and them, most definitely not fine and should NOT be normalised.

So life has improved!
I remember as quite a young child, my parents didn’t do much parenting. I was often out for hours playing with friends often half a mile away. I walked to and from school at 7, taking my younger sister with me. Yes there were child abusers about. It is just cases were not reported so much. A man in my road was very strange. I was just told to avoid him. My sister had a serious accident going to school once and I got the blame for it.
It is all very well having time for your neighbours, but your children are more important.

Hope the children step up
op, but regardless, you stay safe!

That's why I said "if you can". So, if you can help someone at no risk of injury to yourself. Strong people, maybe. Or if you have people to help you lift.

And if you can't, then don't do it.. I mean, just repeating myself here.

Too many people on here just out for themselves. We are supposed to look after each other. Why isn't there a rota for neighbourhoods to help out and be given days off work once a month or every two months like jury duty. Paid time to help care for others. Wouldn't even need care homes if properly organised and no one ever loses their home to care fees.

Or just stick to every man/woman for themselves and strain the NHS until finally sold out to highest bidder. Zero foresight in this country.

YANBU. not only do you risk injuring self again. You risk injuring the neighbour you are helping.

I work for the NHS and see a lot of people who fall and I very much do want people to bother us. There is not a safe way of lifting someone from the floor unless you have equipment, no matter how strong you are. If someone is able to help themselves and just need a bit of support, fine. But lifting a paralysed man, as in the scenario here, is not safe under any circumstances.

And you’re very naive to think a neighbourhood rota would end the need for care homes (or professional paid for carers). Our higher life expectancy and related increased frailty and medical needs in the very elderly means that they need deducted care and support from people who know what they’re doing. Otherwise you’re risking a whole group of people dying painful deaths from pressure sores, contractures, falls.

Oh you are funny.
Have you ever met someone with dementia trying to live at home ? Or maybe two people with different types and physical issues as well. I mean sure if my DPs neighbours had wanted to be on call 24/7 it might have been possible. Most of them were elderly themselves with a poor put upon middle aged man on the street who had gradually found himself responsible for putting out six households bins.

Theres an elderly lady on our street, I can see carers coming in daily for her. I would offer to help, but I pretty much had a breakdown last year trying to support demented DPs to stay at home an hour away from me, not because I wanted any inheritance but because that’s what they wanted. Ironically my earning capacity has been severely impacted by having to not work during that time and it looks likely that the inheritance will be used up in care fees anyway - as if should have been in the first place.

I am sure we would all be happy to buy some groceries and put out bins, but if it’s anything like my DPs the demands quickly become all encompassing and sadly the lesson I have learned is to try and stay out of it.

You’re not unreasonable. As well as causing injury to yourself I’d be concerned about injuring the poor old gentleman and then what if the children make something of that or it causes the gentleman serious problems?! You’re presumably not trained to lift him, which definitely requires a skill rather than just brute strength.

I worked as a carer I wasnt allowed to lift people when they fell. I know its horrible and goes against every instinct but both of you could end up seriously hurt. You haven't had any training and you didnt secure the wheelchair. He shouldnt be able to fall out of his wheelchair they have seatbelts His children shouldn't rely on the neighbours. Sound like they need a live in carer, or at least carers that visit.

Ask for contact details of nearest relative, or a carer and simply make the necessary calls or call the emergency services if you are called on to help. Don't risk further injury to yourself. It might be the time in life when the elderly gentleman care plan needs reviewing.

I don't think anyone's forgetting to 'be kind'. 🙄You've said yourself that people shouldn't put themselves at risk of injury.

@Barney221 Why is your dh doing this? He’s not paying for it. Why not suggest it to the dc?

Plus, for what it’s worth, older people either forget to wear it or press it! Often when they have fallen they are confused. DM had one and fell twice but didn’t use it! You really need to hand over your assumed responsibilities.

Falls alarms don’t need to be actively pressed. The point of them is that they can detect when a fall happens and send an alert to the call centre. Pendant alarms can be changed to falls detectors easily.

No, though I would phrase it politely.

@diddledoodum They don’t go off! It wholly depends if it’s slumping or a heavy fall. The outcome is the same, the person cannot get up but they have limitations.