AIBU to stop helping after injuring myself lifting elderly neighbour?

As previous posters have said, it is often very difficult for an adult child to convince an elderly parent to have more care.

Not an assumption at all - a fact to which l was a witness.

Your local council should have a service like the below, they have staff with proper lifting devices they use to get people up off the floor (one is inflatable!) and come out as soon as there is a fall (well there may be a bit of a wait but it’s manageable). it’s not very expensive about £10 a week I think.

www.durham.gov.uk/article/18707/About-the-Care-Connect-alarm-service

Then they’ll have to finance a carer throughout the day. My BIL’s family are paying two ladies for 24 hour care, it is extortionate but his parents can afford it and won’t go into a home.

I understand how upsetting that can be, when the situation is dangerous, there is no option.

My friends father refuses any help from carers but he’s happy for her to run around all day while trying to work and raise her children. He’s not even grateful.

There’s a fine line between what they want vs what they need.

You misunderstood. Most children have trouble trying to convince their parents thane more care. The elderly parents won’t have it or pay fir it.

I understand, they don’t strangers in their home. it’s very dangerous. I would feel obligated to help as a neighbour if I knew they were on the floor as much as I wouldn’t want to do it. Calling an ambulance is difficult in a rural area and they’re overran.

There isn’t much choice.

Having different strangers coming in the house everyday to give care is hard. I understand why people avoid it.

I'd have a word with his children and ask them to consider an alarm for when he falls. My grandad had one around his neck as he kept accidently pressing the one he wore as a watch. Look on the age UK website as they have information about them. There's quite a few different ones. I think there's a monthly fee but they are great.

Do not do this. Not only does it put your health and body at risk, it makes you liable for injury or damages. Do not do this again and warn your neighbors not to as well. When such an emergency happens, ring up the police. Immediately. They will take responsibility for the case and call in social workers and medical teams to take over the situation with an eye for the couple's long-term safety. If it is determined that they can no longer stay in the home alone without risking harm to themselves or others, they will be either transferred to the custody of their children OR removed to a care home where they can be properly cared for by experienced, trained staff. You are not helping them by stepping in like this.

That's as maybe, but elderly parents can't expect neighbours to step in instead 🤷‍♀️.

Although I agree these days. Neighbours did used to step in when these elderly people were young. Things have changed massively in our culture

No they can’t and really sometimes it is better if they don’t help so the old person realises they have to have paid for care. My mother, who I am LC with, only had care when she realised that nobody else was going to do it.

It is modern medicine. I don’t think people used to live so long.
In our street, we all help the couple of elderly people, putting their bins in and out, changing light bulbs and getting their prescriptions for them. However, we certainly wouldn’t provide personal care or lift them.

This is a dangerous situation and your recent injury demonstrates the risks. The whole situation needs risk assessing, social services involvement and proper professional assessment and equipment. Professional carers have manual handling training and the right equipment. Definitely make it clear that you are not doing any more lifting and the others should not be doing so either, as before too long someone else will be injured too. If the couple are unable to cope at home without support then they need a care package with regular carers visits. It sounds like they would also benefit from an alarm call pendant. There are plenty of technology aids that could be used. It sounds like possibly the local community is propping up this situation but although well intentioned it is not ultimately meeting their care needs by the sounds of it. Let the professionals get involved. The family should get this sorted. Next time there is a fall call the family to deal with it until they get involved and put in place some better solutions. I hope you recover soon.

As he's already using a wheelchair, it's worrying that he's having frequent falls. A wheelchair for a person with paralysis should be properly fitted, offer adequate support, and be reassessed if their needs change. If you're still happy to help (not physically), I suggest offering to call the local NHS wheelchair service and request a reassessment.

Reducing these falls as much as possible is probably more important than working out what to do when one happens.

That is so out of order.
A family member was in similar situation. DCs had power of attorney and were paying the neighbour because they were calling in so much, as well as taking it in turns to visit regularly. However, when their relative's was injured, they set up carers to come in daily to reduce the strain on the neighbour.

That woman is just trying emotional blackmail on you... whilst you continue to help, they will continue to do the bare minimum. See if you can have a chat to Age Concern or similar for advice on what the relative can set up to help her.

@Barney221
I agree with Wooky.
You've done a wonderful kind job so far... but it sounds like the situation is now out of control.
Also wanted to add that there are local places that will help source and supply suitable equipment to minimise fall risks.

It’s such a hard one. My dad was having falls towards the end of his cancer and mum had neighbours who would come and help to lift him which we were truly grateful for. The only other option was to call an ambulance which meant leaving him on the floor for hours and the ambulance people were openly irritated at being called out for a fall.
There was no other option offered. He was on home hospice and carers would come in twice a day and we had overnight care.

I work in domiciliary care and have worked in a residential home for elderly/dementia patients. We are NOT allowed to pick up clients who have fallen. Either the pendant alarm service or ambulance service do the lifting. We wait until either service arrives or a family member. Precisely so we don't injure ourselves. Sorry you have been hurt. NOT your responsibility.

Could be a long wait. We called an ambulance when my frail DF with Parkinson’s had a fall and we were waiting 12 hours with him lying on the floor.

Exactly this. By doing this you are still being good, helpful and concerned neighbours but are not putting either yourself or the person who has fallen at risk of injury.