Neighbour calls at 8:30 am on Saturday to tell me she is stressed?

What gives you the impression OP’s used AI? That’s not my impression at all.

How old is she? You say she has grandchildren who are 18. Maybe she is starting to develop dementia , it can often start like this and they can’t cope with situations or tasks that seem quite simple to us. They can also be quite random, thus she is asking you rather than the most obvious people in her life.

YANBU

I have had stuff like this before. My DH said I have a friendly face. You need to tell her not to contact you unless it is a genuine emergency. 8:30 on a Saturday is far too early. I start work at 7am all week and like a lie in at the weekend.

I’m sorry I ticked you’re being unreasonable because given what you’ve said there’s clearly something very wrong with this lady and her situation so I realise it must be infuriating given she appears to have support but perhaps they don’t bother/have given up) and it sounds as thought she’s got mental health issues so I don’t think it’s worth being angry with her. Could you try and talk to them or just don’t engage if you don’t want to get involved.

You obviously have a kind face.

Well that’s not true. You said earlier that she has adult grandchildren.

How does she have adult grandchildren??

When she asked I suggested she ask her daughter for help she said “oh I don’t want to bother people, they have their own lives and problems

Hilarious. That statement says everything you need to know right there. She thinks you don't have a life, or problems and that you have nothing better to do than drop everything to help her. It's so often women who seem to be shoe-horned into being the free help in the community.

Stop being so helpful. Stop answering. If you encounter her in the hallway, your answers to everything should be 'Oh I don't know', or 'I'm busy'....or....wait for it, just say 'No' and leave it at that. You don't even have to explain.

Also, ignore any pious, sanctimonious replies. You always get a few women like that on threads like this, keen to tell others what they ought to do whilst self-aggransiding and suggesting what a saint they must be in their own communities. Such women are rarely nice - if they were, they'd have more empathy to you.

45????😂She's loopy OP.

Or OP is.

Ignore Dusty Roses. For someone who preaches at you to be kind, they don’t seem to be able to show any kind of empathy or understanding to you.

So weird thst some people think thst they get up early on a Saturday everyone should.

This thread reminds me of the woman who went to a night class and everyone told her she was mean for not giving a lift to someone who could otherwise get the bus. But when the OP suggested to all these do gooders that they should operate a rota to give a lift to the woman their milk of human kindness dried up very quickly. People are very happy to volunteer other people’s free time and efforts and less so their own.

OP don’t get involved with this woman. How rude of her to think her family’s time is more important than yours. She is definitely one who would take a mile if you gave her an inch.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt initially.
This seems like someone who is struggling/confused/lonely and I would want to help. Her behaviour is definitely odd and presumably there’s a reason for that.
However, it’s important to set boundaries and some people need a very firm hand otherwise they’ll drain you.
Are you being unreasonable? Personally, yes I think so. If she was waking you up early on a regular basis or demanding too much of your time then I’d understand your irritation.
I think she’s just chosen the wrong person to try and connect with from the sound of it. Not everyone has the capacity to be a helper.

I would have been up for an hour already, so 8.30 is not unimaginably early. What is peculiar is why she called you. Is there a mental health issue? She wanted help and human contact and chose you for some reason. Maybe everyone else is unavailable? She chose badly, as it happens. But maybe her DD needs alerting that her DM is lonely and in need of assistance?

Its not for you to do but maybe to start the ball rolling I think you could
Look up the council number and text it to her and say sorry but you are not able to let her have your spare key as xxx in your family / friend keeps it for any emergency you may have and your not taking g the chance to give it out.

And be honest and say whilst her family may be busy so are you so she needs to ask / contact them for any help and you cant be called at all hours of the day/ night.
If her number is in your contacts ignore / cut call off when she calls.
If it wakes you up then just block her. If you dont say anything it will continue.

I think I would say 'sorry I need my set of keys so can't lend them, hope your replacement comes soon! In future, please don't ring me before 10am unless it's an absolute emergency'

it sounds like she's done this sort of thing frequently and could be calling on you now because the other closer people in her life have established boundaries with her. If you don't lay these down she will continue to do things that annoy you unfortunately

Just chosen the wrong person to “connect with”? Is this the new euphemism for bilk thousands of pounds off?

@Kate011 You are clearly being far too available. Don’t answer the phone at 8.30am from your neighbours or other acquaintances.

If it’s urgent they will leave a message.

Practice what you will say when people ask you why you didn’t answer the phone or the door.

I was busy.
i was asleep.
i was working.
i was in the shower.

Don’t give this woman your key - tell you need it.

Stop doing favours for anyone who expresses anger when you aren’t available.

Why does she have your phone number?

RTFT or at least OP’s posts.

You’re clearly giving off some kind of vibe. I’ve never had anyone do anything like this.

Maybe try practising your RBF?

Yes, and you should have told her the same thing. She wasn't even locked out.

I can"t be bothered, just tell me please.

As OP should be saying to the neighbour - No.

Sure they know already, don"t you think? If they visited her they would have an idea of her mental state?