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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour calls at 8:30 am on Saturday to tell me she is stressed?

403 replies

Kate011 · 05/09/2026 10:29

And by neighbour I mean lady in my building two floors above me. Who says hi and stops to make small talk/chat with me sometimes.

I answer phone call at 8:30 am because I think it’s an emergency.

she starts telling me how she’s under a lot of stress right now because she lost her keys?

I ask if she wants me to let her in building, she says no, she’s in her flat, she had spare key to her flat and someone let her in building.

and asks me if Tesco does copies? (Tesco is like 3 minutes away by bus) And where she can get replacement?

I tell her council does replacements as it’s a council building. she then asks how to contact council to get replacement.

She knows I rent privately in this building from private landlord so don’t have contact with council and been living here much, much less than she did? So how would I know?

she lived in building 16 years, how does she not know how to contact the council about lost keys?

and what does she expect me to do?

Or was she expecting me to offer one of our keys while she waits for council key replacement??

She keeps ranting and complaining about how she’s so annoyed.

She has a close couple friend living in the building. They always hang out together.

why not call and tell them this?

she also has a daughter and two 18 year old grandkids who she says are super close to her living nearby.

she told me she has so many friends. Why contact me this early out of all people??

sometime ago I remember she knocked on January 1st on my door asking if my daughter can help connect her to/figure out her problem with her tv. I barely knew her then.

another time she kept complaining how she has no heating nearly all winter and doesn’t know how to complain to the council repair team. And asked if I knew how to. When she asked I suggested she ask her daughter for help she said “oh I don’t want to bother people, they have their own lives and problems” .

but calling at 8:30 on Saturday is bit ridiculous no?

OP posts:
Lotsofsnacks · 05/09/2026 15:32

Kate011 · 05/09/2026 10:58

I have let this stuff go before.

it ended with my colleague calling me at 11pm telling me she can’t poop and another neighbour calling me asking me to how to delete her Facebook photo she uploaded by accident a 1am.

it also ended up with neighbour coming in to chat and sitting in my living room for 8 hours!

Edited

WTF you let an unwanted random guest stay 8 hours?

also you are overthinking this neighbour dilemma too much; your first mistake was giving her your number; now just block her; as you say she has close friends in the building, she is young, and not abandoned with no mates. Did u tell her on phone what u said here; you’re not council, so u won’t know about their lost key policies and she’s lived her longer so u know more than u?

user1471538283 · 05/09/2026 15:35

She's probably worn her friends and family out with the expectation they solve her problems so you are next on the list.

It's not your job to sort this out. Before you know it you'll be managing her life.

butterpuffed · 05/09/2026 15:37

Kate011 · 05/09/2026 13:00

It’s not just people in my building. I don’t get why.

i always been happy to help. But I’m just feeling used now and like people are taking advantage of me. My family even calls me a push over

Edited

But you're not a pushover as your family think , going by the incidents you've posted .

Umbilicat · 05/09/2026 16:01

Don't write posts using AI it's annoying

BrentfordForever · 05/09/2026 17:02

FellIntoaCake · 05/09/2026 13:47

now way I am giving my number to anyone just cause of emergencies … ask neighbours to set up what’s app groups to help each other

But this IS the OP's neighbour. If she sets up a WhatsApp group for the neighbours, surely OP will be on it?

surely it’s obvious that’s if she’s on WhatsApp, essentially she won’t be reaching out to OP all the time ?

also OP doesn’t have to be part of that group, and/or can refer the neighbour to the group for emergencies ?

croydon15 · 05/09/2026 17:48

I would not be amused, tell her that she woke you up, cf.

Kate011 · 05/09/2026 17:49

Umbilicat · 05/09/2026 16:01

Don't write posts using AI it's annoying

Huh? No ai was used in this post

OP posts:
WittyTaupeLion · 05/09/2026 17:51

If someone has anxiety it can make everything feel overwhelming. Maybe she just wants your help. If your don’t know about keys just say look up council number . Say sorry I can’t help. Maybe she’s unwell or her family don’t help.

Calloja23 · 05/09/2026 17:52

Kate011 · 05/09/2026 10:36

  1. its 8:30 am on a Saturday
  2. she has close friends in the building she can contact

and help how exactly???

She doesn’t know how to contact council about lost key???

Edited

It’s not as if it’s 6..00am - 8.3oam is hardly the crack of dawn is it! If you don’t want to help just say sorry I can’t help you and leave it at that.

GabriellaFaith · 05/09/2026 17:55

Sorry to say it, but if your always friendly and always sort things this will become more frequent. I'm not saying be rude, but maybe keep it brief and let her know your busy? Sorry can't chat go to....

Aubin7 · 05/09/2026 17:59

Tell her to go to the nearest Timpsons. Job done.

Springsummertime · 05/09/2026 18:14

She’s obviously misunderstood you as a kind compassionate person!

Atsocta · 05/09/2026 18:14

Tell her your stressed now, and block her calls …🥹

Tuesdayschild50 · 05/09/2026 18:15

She is being a nuisance its nice to help and be kind but there is a difference when someone takes advantage of your kindness.
She needs to go to her family.. distance yourself completely.

Existentialistic · 05/09/2026 18:19

Is she elderly OP? If so, could she have dementia? Perhaps she forgets she has already told her family all this? If so, all you can do is be kind but put firm boundaries down about your availability.

1coconut2coconut3coconut4 · 05/09/2026 18:22

I don't think 8.30 is that early. But in any case I think you've had good advice here from others, block her number and then grey rock her when she knocks on your door. 'Oh hi Jean, sorry to hear you've lost your keys, must be hard, good luck with getting it sorted.' If she asks to borrow yours 'Oh no, sorry I need them, good luck getting yours sorted.'

More generally this people are feeling entitled to your time because you give it/allow them to. Stop doing any and all favours for a time to break the habit of people pleasing. Then slowly reintroduce them where it is someone who is definitely not a CF and where it is a small favour from someone you know will reciprocate the favours.

Practice using assertive language . 'Sorry Jackie, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now as I need to get to bed/make dinner etc'. 'I can't drive you to the airport as I have another commitment already, sorry' etc. Don't argue with anyone who is trying to argue back with you, just say the same things ad nauseum - sorry I have another commitment, you need to leave etc.

BeddysMum · 05/09/2026 18:25

Uh oh. Sounds like she's trying to latch on to you! You get people like that, often with mental health issues.
You might feel sorry for them at first because nobody else seems to be helping, but you soon find out why 🤣
They are always in some "crisis" or other (usually of their own making or that they could easily sort) and if you show a modicum of kindness or interest they start attaching themselves to you like a barnacle.
Keep a safe and polite distance, do not get involved. YANBU. Grey rock her!

MrsDoherty2010 · 05/09/2026 18:31

You said she's young but you also said she has a two 18 year old grandchildren.

Tbh I think your making a big fuss over nothing your neighbour was just wanting advice that's all.

You also keep saying what how am I supposed to help her but on the other hand how we supposed to help you?

Mickey540 · 05/09/2026 18:38

@Kate011 how old is she ? Could she have some dementia coming on ?!

Washingupdone · 05/09/2026 18:42

Show her how to ask AI. It will try to solve all her problems.

Coffeewinecake · 05/09/2026 18:49

I know threads get long but it is possible to read just the OP’s comments and get some updates that way so the same questions (such as the age of the neighbour and any signs of dementia) are not revisited multiple times.

Peakyblinder18 · 05/09/2026 18:53

@Kate011 I was obvious she was angling for something by calling.
I wouldn't lend her my keys firstly for her disturbing you and secondly for being disingenuous.
Wide berth is required here.
CF badge.

ilikemethewayiam · 05/09/2026 18:53

Naurrr · 05/09/2026 10:47

Block her phone number.
You should have interrupted her and told her to text you about whatever the problem is, in a few hours. Or not at all.
I don't indulge strangers whingeing about nothing.

This! How has a grown arsed adult not managed to figure out a simple life skill! God I hate people like this. Emergency yes, feigned helplessness no! And absolutely not at 8:30 on a weekend. Block her number and don’t answer the door going forward. Like you say, she’s been there 20 years and has friends in the building. We’ve seen so many threads on here where people try to be kind and compassionate to people they don’t really know that well then it comes back to bite them.

outerspacepotato · 05/09/2026 18:55

Kate011 · 05/09/2026 13:44

Odd requests yes. Of course every one gets them.

anger and demanding for you to do it though? How often?

like I said earlier I did set boundaries and I met with people getting angry. E.g kicking my door, insulting me, badmouthing

a few months I get text from someone I met 3 times in my life that she gave my phone number to someone I never met and that I should wait for them to call all day and give them pension advice. No please, no thank you. No can you.

last year I had my moms friend demand I pick her daughter from airport and a how dare you not help your moms friend lecture when I said no.

Edited

I remember you.

Why do you care what randos trying to get freebies say? Fuck them, they're mooching assholes.

Your neighbour has probably been hitting up the friends and family too hard lately so is spreading her pissing and moaning to you. Block her.

Never give moochers what they want. No, no keys. Tell them bad time, you can't talk and hang up on them. Block them. If you see them, no time to talk.

Mooches bring nothing positive to your life. They take and if you let them, they'll take more and more. Boundaries are good things with people like this.

AmnesiacsDream · 05/09/2026 19:00

Kate011 · 05/09/2026 14:13

i just really don’t want to be rude or upset someone especially if person seems nice

I also really don’t mind helping others, but lately I had people making unreasonable demands and get angry if I don’t when I genuinely couldn’t help I am starting to feel used.

I know, I’m a huge push over.

You’re asking why this happens to you so much and the answer seems to be right here.

You make yourself too available and don’t ensure people know when their asks breach a line.

even this morning it sounds like you didn’t say “Good grief, this isn’t an emergency, call me back at a more reasonable hour.” Or even “The Internet would know more than I do about this, why have you called me? I don’t mind helping out in a genuine difficulty but don’t call me for stuff you can do yourself.” Though, tbh, the request for a loan laid her cards on the table and anything at all friendly, even an offer to help out in an emergency, seems foolish after that.

if you don’t like people hitting you up like this you need to toughen up, OP, and communicate in a language they will understand.