Husbands money

I don’t really understand he said he wanted to put it away to save it and you immediately go and try to get some to spend, and then ask him where it is, he says he will put it there and you are straight back to get it.

if you both can’t afford to save it, then you need to have that convo, but one wanting to save and one wanting to spend, isn’t going to work. I can only assume money is very tight if your trying to get the money, but that is a discussion you need to have.

Huh? Didn’t you read it, he wants to have some savings and if it’s in the account they will spend it.

I put that I think you are being unreasonable - but actually I think some of what you are saying is reasonable.

I’m assuming you are on maternity leave (or even a full time SAHM). As you said, your husband can work because you are looking after the children, so in my opinion any household income should be for both of you.

However, it’s seems like he is keen to save some money, for whatever reason and it feels like you have gone out of your way to not let him do that.

He probably thought he was doing the right thing taking on overtime to earn the money, as he understands the family’s needs will be the priority for his normal wage.

Do you even know what he is wanting to save for? For all you know he might be wanting to get you a nice Christmas present or something?

Him saying something in front of your Mum does feel a bit unnecessary though.

He’s decided to work more and to save some money and you’ve decided you can put your hand in the cookie jar whenever you fancy. I’d be annoyed to say the least if I’d made a decision to save money and it was being taken. Saving money can be difficult, particularly when you have kids; it’s not a good start if you’re taking money right from the get go.

You absolutely do not have a right to fun money if you need considerable extended support from your partner to earn it. That’s family money. I’d divorce over that thinking.

This about sums it up.

Very odd keeping it as cash. If he wants to save it put it in a savings account.

Mmm I’m not sure. While I agree that money should be shared and that yes, he earned extra in overtime but you picked up the slack with the kids, it feels to me like he told you he wanted to save it and you made a point of trying to dip into that money instead of just taking it from your joint account. Presumably that’s what you would usually do? Why didn’t you just do that this time? Get cash from the cash machine. I can understand the logic behind putting overtime money into savings.
Unless of course what he is saving for is something for himself rather than saving for the family.
And why not just have a savings account for extras like this?
I bet you would have found that money gone from its ‘hiding place’ eventually, spent on something for him or a trip to the pub or similar! Or maybe I’m being unfair on him.
Hard to say without seeing the full context but I can see both sides

There is nothing to say he is saving it for himself exclusively, just that he wants to save. It is not unreasonable to work extra hours in order to create some family savings, the problem comes when one wants to save and one wants to spend. This should be the conversation instead of all the charge him for childcare nonsense

It would piss me right off if I was working overtime for extra money and you were helping yourself to it. Whether for your own convenience by not having to go to a cashpoint, or spending extra on top of normal spending, it really doesn't matter. I'm not busting my ass trying to get extra money to save only to find it's disappeared. I'd rather not do the overtime at all.

So, enlighten me, how is OP supposed to earn her "own money" when she's a full time SAHM? Caring for his children?!

Not if he wants to keep it away from sharing what he earns with HMRC. I suspect he is self employed. I imagine a good amount of money is kept in airing cupboards up and down the country. He doesn’t have to declare it to his accountant. And will have probably calculated any loss in interest is worth keeping in under the mattress as opposed to declaring his full income.

I guess it depends what he wants the money for which doesn’t seem to be clear which is maybe the issue?
my husband is a paramedic and probably does 2 overtime shifts a month but I am the breadwinner and make double his salary. He really wants a man shed but it’s just a not priority money wise atm because we still have a few things to do in the house and are paying double nursery fees currently so our deal is that with his overtime shifts he’s can put half towards his man shed fund and half towards the holiday fund. Tbh his job is hard and unless we were struggling with bill I wouldn’t be expect him to work overtime for no benefit for him

I think what has annoyed him, is that she has just taken it without comment. He has said it is savings. She is seeing it as everyday money to use.
They both need to sit down and sort out their money, and get on the same page.

The normal account she uses perhaps. Rather than the extra savings

OP has not said if she’s a sahm or on maternity leave. If the husband decides not to work overtime and stay at home with the kids, op will make do with the money in their bank accounts. So if he’s working extra to save then OP should respect that. Op has not made any indication that this saving is for something selfish or just for himself. There are lots of family who are unable to save on their salary and it sounds like this is the sort of situation. Sounds like he wants some extra money that’s saved for emergencies that they’re not dipping into when it’s in the account, op deciding to just take out of it when she feels like defeats the purpose of it being saving.

You're both being unreasonable. If you're husband has unilaterally decided how the extra money should be deployed that is unreasonable of him. But equally it is unreasonable of you to be casually dipping into money that has been designated as savings (whether or not you were involved in that original decision). You should sit down and decide together how to use the extra money, and what proportion should be saved and what proportion should be used for day to say expenses to ease your family finances and keep the two separate. It would be much more sensible generally to put the savings into a savings account, rather than just keep it in cash in the house which is vulnerable to dipping into as well as to theft.

Exactly he's working shfts and the OP thinks i ll grab some. What a pallaver. To think she has no morals to just leave alone and get your hands off !

I originally voted you were reasonable but then changed to unreasonable. Dd3 had piano lessons which were about £20 a week and needed to be paid in cash. I would put money into a drawer from things I had sold on Marketplace, any spare cash etc. Once I checked the drawer and exdh had taken out £10 - I had enough for that week but liked to keep it topped up. I was really annoyed with him and he was very dismissive about my pots. He is unemployed and I work. At the very least I'd expect an iou.

I can see where he's coming from.

He's told you he wants to save extra cash, so is doing overtime for it.
After that you go to where he normally keeps it - obviously you were going to spend some. And then you take £40 later. So you've already dipped into it twice, or would have done if you'd found it the first time.

Dh has put some money in our joint account that he is saving to get something, and I'd not spend it. If it was an absolute emergency then I'd talk to him about it first.

I think you need to think about your spending habits. I have a friend who used to hide any extra money she earned because her dh would spend it. He didn't understand that if she had an extra bit of money she wanted to save it rather than find he's spent it on flowers for her and a bottle of wine. If the money was there - he spent it, often on her, or "nice" things, but she wanted to just have a bit of savings for if the car broke down or the boiler went wrong.

You've tried to justify it as "for your child" but that can mean a lot of things. There's a huge difference between "they have grown out of school uniform" and "I decided to take them to the cinema because we have the money now". I suspect, although I don't expect you to admit it, that it was closer to the latter as otherwise you'd have said initially.

I don't know, I feel there's another side here. While it looks like the husband's withholding money, the flippet 40 quid for an activity 'could' say the OP is a bit of a spender.

If you share finances then any overtime money is joint. But if he's doing overtime so that the money can be saved, why are you using it? It's separate money. Do you have a problem with spending? Maybe he doesn't trust you not to just add it to usual money, so he's keeping it away from you but you have purposely taken it.

But he may believe that their savings accounts should be joint- and not want to set up an individual one, but not trust the OP not to raid it. So cash might be preferable to another joint savings account

if you are having to dip into this extra money that your husband thinks you are able to save you need to have a discussion about budgets what you can realistically save.
If You agreed mutually to save this extra money but you need to dip into it somethings a miss.
It seems you and your DH have different opinions about how much you can realistically save,you need to discuss that.

I would normally jump to defend you if one person was hiding money from their spouse - but I’m on DHs side here.

He’s having to do overtime and has told you that money is for savings - yet multiple times you’ve tried spending it.

You sound like you have a spending problem.