Husbands money

Tell him to use the extra money to pay for childcare during the extra time he is working as someone needs to provide that care and as he is the one leaving the kids then he has to pay for a babysitter.

Hate the term ‘grab’ 🤮

And if the cost of a childcarer is greater than the overtime money, then this clearly doesn't benefit the household.

The conversation to be had is whether the need to earn money (and whether it is to cover essentials or build up a savings pot) outweighs the OP's need to have her DH about to support with the children. And yes, if there is surplus money to pay for OP to have respite. There is no right or wrong answer to this; it's entirely for the two of them to agree.

He's spectacularly financially illiterate as that cash will be losing value sitting there.

His savings account seems to be the airing cupboard or somewhere like that. Not the best place for it. Although he may be trying to avoid showing how much he earns to those interested in such things.
He is miffed you are just using it for day to day. That he did overtime and you spend it.
You do need a conversation about money between you. Or get on the same page mentally.

There is always an online delivery. Or Whoosh from Tesco.

So where do you get money from normally?? Why do you feel the need to dip into the cash savings. ? It doesn't add up why you would suddenly need to raid this cash.

A tbh £40 to do something with a child is quite a lot of there's only one income coming in and he's doing extra hours to have savings

I suspect he is far from that. The reason it is not in an account is that he is hiding it.

It really is and it is mental. I think it is ok to have your own money in a marriage!

I agree with this.
How is it fair that the OP has to cope with THEIR CHILDREN by herself so he can earn money elsewhere for himself.
He should be paying for childcare if he wants to shunt his responsibilities with his children.

Why the hell is he keeping money in cash around the house. If it is savings it needs to go in to a bank account where it will a. be safer and b. earn interest.

Keeping pots of cash stashed around the house is the behaviour of an insane hoarder, not a man who wants to save.

He is avoiding putting it into an account so he doesn’t need to declare it to his accountant. I suspect he is self employed.

I think you should have discussed upfront that you needed extra money instead of going to where it was to help yourself. My husband and I have a joint savings pot in an account in my name only (purely for convenience as I had an empty bank account sitting around) that we are both paying into, and I would never ever touch that pot as it’s not fair for him to think he’s paying into savings while I’m really dipping away at it

Yes this. Surely you looking after the children is facilitating this overtime?

I think id be opening an easy access ISA or some such and putting it there if I were him.

Hes clearly right to not have it where he said and to count it, you've twice gone to spend it now despite it meant to be being saved

Broadly I agree with all money being family money. However, everyone is entitled to have a bit of their own money - the spending of which is not subject to scrutiny.

Obviously the amount is dependent on overall family finances.

I would hate to have my starbucks spending monitored..

It's a bit bleak if everything automatically goes into the "pot" even when it is a bit of an extra.

See also arguments about bonuses etc.

I think it’s only insane behaviour if you refuse to use a bank full stop. Not putting a little bit of money in the bank doesn’t mean it’s insane hoarder behavior. It can come in handy (example op needed something in cash).

We keep a couple of grand in the safe for emergencies.

Seems like you were looking for an excuse to spend cash. Personally my husband has a large amount of cash put away and Im not allowed to take it.lol I have no reason to touch it but recently did say oh maybe we should use to cash to pay a rather large expense we had but my husband found the money somewhere else. I think it is a safety net for us. I mean I don't even have the key to it and completely forgot about it till I read this post. Thanks for the reminder.lol

Can you start keeping your own savings pot? I’m not quite understanding the dynamics of your joint finances , if you’re being left short of money then it’s time to sit down with your husband & discuss it

That money is yours aswell. You are married.
he is only able to earn it because you are at home looking after his children.
the decision on what to do with it is a joint decision.
is it for a rainy day or is it for day -to-day cash needs, or a bit of both.

It's family money.
However you say
Today I went to grab £40 of the cash
Why are you going to "grab" that extra cash? If he hadn't earned that money through overtime you would have had to make do with his normal salary. You seem to want to just spend it just because it's there. This might be why he hid it.

However, there should be a discussion about what it is going to be used for. It should be put in a joint savings account rather than just lying around the house where it's tempting to "grab" 40 quid here and there and it ends up gone on nothing much.
In my opinion, it is family money and should be spent on something to benefit the family but because it is extra money, like a bonus, it should be saved and used for something that you really need which you would normally struggle to afford or but towards an emergency buffer for unexpected expenses or hard times.

Did you buy a heated airer?

This!
She cant do the OT. She isnt paid for the extra child care yet she is loaded with the burden of sourcing the money that is needed for the child/ren

I would ask him what you were meant to do to pay for [whatever it was].

Ask him to take on the burden of ordering, paying for their stuff?

Lets be honest, going to work is the easy part of being a working parent. The burden on the mum with the newborn and the disabled child is HUGE.

@BeHeartyRedZebra it is if you are trying to save and the OP referred to her DH wanting to save thia money. Cash loses value quite quickly and only a small amount is covered in house insurance is it gets stolen.

He’s completely unreasonable and I’d wonder why he needs a cash stash.