Should I agree to my Dad’s unreasonable demand to get the train to his birthday?

I would be getting the train, but I hate driving and will use any excuse I can not to.

Park at the station and if he asks say the station was very busy today.

Just turn up in the car but ask him why he is so anxious about you driving

Just drive. If you have to say anything, just say it was a last minute decision as you were worried re train delays or some other story.

Good for you. Just be matter of fact about it and shut down any repeated attempts to engage you in "anxiety-bonding".

"It's absolutely fine, Dad" - on repeat, and nothing else on the subject. You're there to celebrate his life and his birthday, so focus on that.

Easier said than done, I know. My own dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly aged 70. Awful - but although he was 20 years younger than your father, this was already starting to become a feature. Driving, going to the theatre, etc., Even walks in the countryside were becoming a challenge. Every footpath across fields would prompt fears that the dog (on a lead) would be shot by a farmer for worrying livestock, every other walker's dog was a slavering monster who would tear my little pooch to shreds... (Hold her close, REP22! Closer!! HOLD HER!!)... the only way forwards is to non-committally acknowledge the remarks but not engage or indulge further debate on the matter and simply carry on. It's very possible to do this without being rude or thoughtless.

Ultimately, you cannot control your dad's fear, anxieties or worrisome pleadings. But you CAN control how you react to them and what effect they have on your own life and decisions.

Best wishes to you. x

Has it ever occurred to you, that your Dad's request for you to take the train may be because he may be concerned for your safety?

Due to braindead fools driving the wrongway on motorways, risking lives to gain social media likes.

Have you asked him what his reasons are? I mean, if he’s just worried that all driving isn’t safe and that he’s afraid that he’ll join his friends who have lost children, then I’d tell him that driving is safer than you hanging around a deserted train station after dark. But if he has a nagging gut feeling that something will happen, but would be happy for you to drive any other time, then I’d be more inclined to listen.

I have a relative a bit like this; she’s assessed all sorts of things as being too dangerous for her, so is at pains to make sure everyone else agrees not to do them either. Which essentially means that everyone would just stay indoors with a fire extinguisher at the ready. Easy to humour her, but the requests turn into emotional blackmail and get more and more intrusive until you find yourself agreeing to eat steak with a spoon in case you chop your arm off.

I’d just drive, park around the corner and tell
him I got the train. Fibbing is ok as his request is bonkers.

Just explain you feel safer in the car late at night than waiting on an empty platform in the dark for a train and then travelling on public transport at night with strangers.

It’s the safer option. He should understand.

I would drive and tell him after you arrive. That way he can see that you are fine and will always drive to visit him.

Park near another tube station on the same line?
That way you arrive and leave by tube.

I'd lie, it's only a little one 🤏

I would agree, as you have, and then do exactly what I like. For whatever reason he’s not being rational, and as you are an adult, you can travel whichever way suits you best. With regard to lying I tend to favour a direct question -direct answer approach. When you get there, if he asks if you got the train you say “oh I decided it was better to drive in the end, DH was concerned about me hanging around in the station late at night”. I know it sounds harsh but you are not responsible for other people’s feelings, you’re not “making him worry”, it sounds like he will be worrying about something regardless of what you do.

You are quibbling over a couple of hours of your life?

I’d be lying, how would he know either way? Park at the train station if it helps.

Tell him to read the news articles about train crashes in the last couple of months.
Right now I'd far rather take the car for my own safety than get on a train!

I would agree to take the train but as it happened on the day you ended up driving because your train was cancelled....

I really don't think it's kind to lie. And you shouldn't have to take the train if you don't want to. Ideally you could get through to him that taking the train is more dangerous for you, but if not I think he needs to accept that this is your choice.

Park at a station one stop away, get the train to his nearest station. Then you can say you got the train and it wouldn't technically be a lie.

This 100%

I would drive and just park at the station in the next town so just a 1 stop job if that's possible. He won't know and you get to to travel the way you like.

I'd not lie about train/driving. That would be very hurtful if he finds out - and he might.

I'd consider inflating some risk of train roadworks or cancellations to make it a necessity/reason to reconsider.

You wanted to, but taking X into account ot won't be/wasn't as easy as you thought.

This is exactly what I would do.

I would either lie (but the parking sounds difficult your dad’s end), or (again lie) say that the train was cancelled, so I didn’t have a choice.

I firmly believe that if a lie makes somebody happy, it’s not wrong - and even the Bible only says you shouldn’t bear against your neighbour.

Just work out which lie is kindest to your dad, and easiest for you.