AIBU to feel put out by my daughter's changed school run request?

Hopefully not.

That already sounds like a lot of time spent with them to be honest. Does the MIL have equal time as well. I think I'm on DD side .

Seems like she wants her cake and eat it! If she wants your help she should be more accommodating. What a diva!

What time are you dropping the dgc off at? If you have them for circa 30 mins each day, I dont find her request unreasonable. If you only have them for say 10 mins each day I would be like, nah, id rather not go to all that effort in the morning just to see them for 10 mins.

She have accommodated all of her requests - time for her to be a bit more flexible with you. If you do only habe the kids for 10 mins in the morning id meet her half way-ish and agree to coming at 8.10/8.15 and explain why

Have you actually read the thread?

Have you not read the OP's posts?

The dd has already made alternative arrangements.
The OP is trying to make out she is 'helping' her dd, but is actually causing an issue. She's not really in a position to demand anything, and by doing so, has found she is no longer going to be taking the little ones to school and Nursery.

She doesn't want her help and has told her not to bother anymore because not only was she getting in the way she was making passive aggressive comments to the dgc, belittling mum and trying to alienate them from their mum all whilst prattaling on about golden child son and his kids.

The only diva is the op who wants to belittle and tair down her daughter and has had her nose put out of place by being told enough is enough

Yes. And?

You've clearly misunderstood it then.
The daughter has asked OP to bugger off because her "help" was actually the OP standing in the kitchen drinking tea and bitching about her to the kids. I don't think it's DIVA material to not want your kids grand mother staring everyone's day off negatively. It's pretty obvious the OP was asked to do the school runs because the OP is complaining she hasn't enough time with her grandkids (because their evil mum wants to actually parent them).

She probably doesn’t even want it but doesn’t want to upset her DM by saying so.

all of this.

and the passive aggressive comments about the hair…. You sound like my mum and her constant belittling of my parenting of my daughter…

Your DD sounds like a very structured person who has carved out a set routine to balance her work with the time with her children she obviously values. Everything done to a schedule, the same way, even to your own two hour Wednesday slot. The morning routine is part of that and having you there disrupts it and probably causes her stress.
However, given the routine she wants requires you to also follow it she should really be offering you something you want so it's not all take. I don't think it would hurt her to let you have a set time each week to do something nice with your GC. The relationship you build benefits them too.

It was a question not a criticism. If she doesn't like her mother she shouldn't accept holidays school runs or anything else from her Simple

I think that's your interpretation. If she doesn't like it don't use her mother. My interpretation is that it's what suits the daughter. We are allowed to differ.

There's clearly a lot more going on here than just the basic points she's raised. For her and DS to have such a bad relationship there are clear family fractures there. She obviously feels criticised by you versus your son. Why ate you just dispassionately reporting back what she said rather than thinking properly about it and how to heal the rift? You need to acknowledge your faults here. It isn't that you always mention DS's kids that is the issue is it, it is that she clearly feels you prefer DS. From what you've said about spending mpre time with him and doing longer holidays that would appear to be the truth. You need to think about how you heal these wounds.

That's the whole point... she ISN'T using her mother now

This is a tricky one, I can see both sides. I think it's very kind of you to get up early and take the girls to school and you obviously want to spend time with them which is nice.

Your daughter obviously thinks you have made some judgemental comments regarding her parenting which isn't a nice feeling. My Mum makes little comments all time which makes me feel rubbish and as a result I do want to distance from her (although she doesn't really make an effort with my kids anyway). Maybe you should reflect on that.

Also consider if you treat your son and daughter equally. My mum does childcare for my brother's kids bur would never do the same for my sister and I. As a result she spends way more time with them so all her stories revolve around them which is a double slap in the face.

No doubt your intentions are good but this request has inadvertently brought some underlying tensions to a head. I do think your daughter was quick just to draught in MIL before you had properly had the chance to discuss things.

So she’s right, you do favour your DS. Just because he can’t afford it shouldn’t mean that she misses out. I don’t understand why you can’t see that. I bet this has been her whole life experience of you having a golden child that isn’t her. And you class her as snooty.

and stop undermining her. Mummy is doing her hair in the way she wants, not taking too long. School is not boring. WTF is wrong with you?

So? It’s not about number of holidays it’s about equal time you spend with them, no?

I didn't read it that way at all.

OP states that last year DD was 2 days a week. Appeared as though work has increased now.
I got the impression that helping with the grandchildren was split between the In Laws and OP so it was fair.

Maybe I just assumed that because I tried to strike that balance with our extended family, specifically because MIL made comments about my Mum having more time with the children.

It's hard when people keep track on how much time others spend with each other or even become jealous of the time you get with your own children as though you are purposefully excluding rather than simply enjoying family time outside of hectic work demands.

It can be impossible to keep everyone happy.
I got to a point where I just made less effort. MIL we hardly see now, she spends most of her free time with SIL who has younger children.

I understand that you want to see them more but the half hour before everyone leaves the house in the morning is the worst time possible to do this.

Well now this has come to light hopefully you’ll be more careful with what you say around them all.

As a wife of siblings who have zero relationships with each other - golden rule. Do not talk to siblings about each others family. It only causes upset.

You need to step back and not talk to dd about her brothers family. You don't agree with her parenting that fine but you need to tread very carefully as sounds like she will cut you off

Me too
I would be inwardly thinking "get out, get out, get out"
You are in my way and delaying me
MOVE

I started off on your side but now I'm team DD. Undermining her and treating her as lesser than your son with holidays is horrible. If your son can't afford holidays then he doesn't go on holiday like every other person who has to prioritise loving expenses and their children's needs. YOU are the one taking his children out of school for holidays. You should be fined for it.

Constantly talking about your spoiled son and demeaning your daughter (the hair, school is boring) in front of her children is unacceptable and I wouldn't want you around my kids either.