AIBU to feel put out by my daughter's changed school run request?

But her convenience is the entire point of the arrangement, isnt it! It’s to help a busy mum at a particular time in her day when she cannot bilocate.
A family social element, as in grandma + kiddies time, is not the point at all.
(Unless that virtual quid pro quo were actually discussed when this help was being arranged. She’s helping her daughter, but ‘recompense’ shouldn’t be assumed, unilaterally.)

The mum may want every available moment with her children before they go to school, as they are very young, and she surely misses them all day.
I don't think it odd at all that she has made this request to her own mother, but it’s a shame she needed to.

It'd be a much bigger shame if OP’s umbrage were to become a concern between them.
At best, both women have the higher ground here, and in order that their easy relationship isn’t damaged, I think it has to be OP who exhibits graciousness, and gives way despite her own wishes, and without demur.
Ultimately, the children’s mum’s need for that last half hour with them before school/work trumps her own mother’s wish to spend that bit of time there too.

(I realise my generation may not have seen so much of our grandparents as modern kids do though. Even though we lived in the same little town when we were primary school kids, we saw the old folk less than weekly, never mind thrice weekly!)

And she's welcome to take her own kids to school as well

She is asking very little of you. Of course you should do what she's asked. Why would you think its a good idea to insert yourself in the family morning routine.

It sounds like your issue is that DD enjoys looking after her own children, but you want to do it instead.

You have had your time being a parent, let DD parent her own children.

Strikes me that the dd is doing her best to try and maintain a relationship with her mother, and facilitate her seeing the dgc very often throughout the week despite the OP being really annoying.

Keep in mind, that is the impression the OP has given about herself, on a thread which she started obviously hoping we would all agree with her.

This is even without any of us having heard the situation described from the point of view of the OP's dd.

OP, your daughter does not like her brother.
This is clear.
They don't like each other.
Yet you feel it appropriate to be filling her in.
She doesn't want to hear it.

Also your passive aggressive remarks speaking through the children that "mummy is taking too long".....would piss anyone off.

Instead of helping her out, you are stressing her out.
She has now made other arrangements.

You can be ourtraged and righteous or you can seriously reflect.

If I were you I would stop with the texts, stop talking about her brother, and stop with the PA remarks.

You are getting on her tits and she is backing away from you.

Good on your daughter having firm boundaries. It’s easy to read through the lines and see there’s way more to this than you’re claiming (but then I also grew up with a mother who was competitive with the in-laws, preferred my sibling to me, and criticised my parenting. We are no contact now).

I started off on your side but now I'm team DD. Undermining her and treating her as lesser than your son with holidays is horrible. If your son can't afford holidays then he doesn't go on holiday like every other person who has to prioritise loving expenses and their children's needs. YOU are the one taking his children out of school for holidays. You should be fined for it.

Constantly talking about your spoiled son and demeaning your daughter (the hair, school is boring) in front of her children is unacceptable and I wouldn't want you around my kids either.

Me too
I would be inwardly thinking "get out, get out, get out"
You are in my way and delaying me
MOVE

As a wife of siblings who have zero relationships with each other - golden rule. Do not talk to siblings about each others family. It only causes upset.

You need to step back and not talk to dd about her brothers family. You don't agree with her parenting that fine but you need to tread very carefully as sounds like she will cut you off

Well now this has come to light hopefully you’ll be more careful with what you say around them all.

I understand that you want to see them more but the half hour before everyone leaves the house in the morning is the worst time possible to do this.

I didn't read it that way at all.

OP states that last year DD was 2 days a week. Appeared as though work has increased now.
I got the impression that helping with the grandchildren was split between the In Laws and OP so it was fair.

Maybe I just assumed that because I tried to strike that balance with our extended family, specifically because MIL made comments about my Mum having more time with the children.

It's hard when people keep track on how much time others spend with each other or even become jealous of the time you get with your own children as though you are purposefully excluding rather than simply enjoying family time outside of hectic work demands.

It can be impossible to keep everyone happy.
I got to a point where I just made less effort. MIL we hardly see now, she spends most of her free time with SIL who has younger children.

So? It’s not about number of holidays it’s about equal time you spend with them, no?

So she’s right, you do favour your DS. Just because he can’t afford it shouldn’t mean that she misses out. I don’t understand why you can’t see that. I bet this has been her whole life experience of you having a golden child that isn’t her. And you class her as snooty.

and stop undermining her. Mummy is doing her hair in the way she wants, not taking too long. School is not boring. WTF is wrong with you?

This is a tricky one, I can see both sides. I think it's very kind of you to get up early and take the girls to school and you obviously want to spend time with them which is nice.

Your daughter obviously thinks you have made some judgemental comments regarding her parenting which isn't a nice feeling. My Mum makes little comments all time which makes me feel rubbish and as a result I do want to distance from her (although she doesn't really make an effort with my kids anyway). Maybe you should reflect on that.

Also consider if you treat your son and daughter equally. My mum does childcare for my brother's kids bur would never do the same for my sister and I. As a result she spends way more time with them so all her stories revolve around them which is a double slap in the face.

No doubt your intentions are good but this request has inadvertently brought some underlying tensions to a head. I do think your daughter was quick just to draught in MIL before you had properly had the chance to discuss things.

That's the whole point... she ISN'T using her mother now

There's clearly a lot more going on here than just the basic points she's raised. For her and DS to have such a bad relationship there are clear family fractures there. She obviously feels criticised by you versus your son. Why ate you just dispassionately reporting back what she said rather than thinking properly about it and how to heal the rift? You need to acknowledge your faults here. It isn't that you always mention DS's kids that is the issue is it, it is that she clearly feels you prefer DS. From what you've said about spending mpre time with him and doing longer holidays that would appear to be the truth. You need to think about how you heal these wounds.

I think that's your interpretation. If she doesn't like it don't use her mother. My interpretation is that it's what suits the daughter. We are allowed to differ.

It was a question not a criticism. If she doesn't like her mother she shouldn't accept holidays school runs or anything else from her Simple

Your DD sounds like a very structured person who has carved out a set routine to balance her work with the time with her children she obviously values. Everything done to a schedule, the same way, even to your own two hour Wednesday slot. The morning routine is part of that and having you there disrupts it and probably causes her stress.
However, given the routine she wants requires you to also follow it she should really be offering you something you want so it's not all take. I don't think it would hurt her to let you have a set time each week to do something nice with your GC. The relationship you build benefits them too.

all of this.

and the passive aggressive comments about the hair…. You sound like my mum and her constant belittling of my parenting of my daughter…

She probably doesn’t even want it but doesn’t want to upset her DM by saying so.

You've clearly misunderstood it then.
The daughter has asked OP to bugger off because her "help" was actually the OP standing in the kitchen drinking tea and bitching about her to the kids. I don't think it's DIVA material to not want your kids grand mother staring everyone's day off negatively. It's pretty obvious the OP was asked to do the school runs because the OP is complaining she hasn't enough time with her grandkids (because their evil mum wants to actually parent them).

Yes. And?