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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to call off our wedding ten days before the ceremony?

542 replies

ThisFunnyZebra · 03/09/2026 00:46

I have found myself in an unbearable situation and don’t know what to do. I’m getting married in 10 days and am literally having panic attacks at the thought of it.

It’s all paid for, everyone’s invited, everything is booked and organised, we’ve been on the hen and stag parties, and the honeymoon is booked straight after the wedding.

We have two children (twins), aged 22 months.

The wedding was supposed to have happened two years ago, but I fell pregnant so we decided to postpone it as it was going to be around my due date. I was really looking forward to it at the time and things were good between us.

Fast-forward to now, I actually can’t bear to be around him. He is useless with the twins, I do absolutely everything around the house, carry the mental load, do the shopping, housework and work full-time. He’s fucking useless.

I’m not sure why I didn’t see this before, probably because it was less of an issue before being parents. We both had our own lives, seeing friends etc.

We have nothing in common. We have no conversation, nothing to talk about, he’s not even interested in talking about the kids. I’ve actually noticed he’s got no personality. We hardly have sex, and when we do it’s just to get him off my back. I know that sounds bad, but I actually fucking resent him so much I can’t bear the thought of him coming near me.

I know I’m not perfect and since having the kids I’ve also changed. They are my priority and I just don’t have time for him after completing my day.

I shouldn’t have let the wedding get this far, but it was booked years ago and I thought things would get better. We are kind of in the trenches at the moment with the twins. But I honestly feel sick at the thought of marrying him.

How can I call it off at such a late date? Should I just go through with it and, if things don’t improve, get divorced? I’m fucked!

OP posts:
Thecatspantaloons · 10/09/2026 13:49

Thecatspantaloons · 10/09/2026 13:48

You have got to be pulling my leg 🤭. If not then you are an avid reader. But in my observations, people that post on the 21st page don't usually read all the other previous comments - maybe the first 2 pages, and yet still expect people to read there's. And I guarantee it's not original advice.

Now that's baffling.

That said, if OP is still planning on going ahead with the wedding, I'm not sure these long-winded posts from strangers on the internet is a productive use of her time.

This is for @LongTallTally .I don't know why it didn't clip 🫣.

HeyThereDelila · 10/09/2026 14:32

Call it off. It’ll be hard, but it gives you breathing space to work on the relationship without pressure or to break up.

You can’t get divorced within the first year after marriage. Don’t go ahead - people will understand.

Quietly email guests to apologise, cancel venue, food and band etc. Is a days worth of work to save years of unhappiness.

If you go through with it it’ll be the worst day of your life.

LongTallTally · 10/09/2026 17:30

Thecatspantaloons · 10/09/2026 13:48

You have got to be pulling my leg 🤭. If not then you are an avid reader. But in my observations, people that post on the 21st page don't usually read all the other previous comments - maybe the first 2 pages, and yet still expect people to read there's. And I guarantee it's not original advice.

Now that's baffling.

That said, if OP is still planning on going ahead with the wedding, I'm not sure these long-winded posts from strangers on the internet is a productive use of her time.

I don't know why I have to be pulling your leg. If I was the OP posting, presumably in good faith, about such a serious issue, I'd read all the replies.

I wouldn't read all the replies if I was a random Mumsnetter coming across the thread at this point. But a lot of us will have posted earlier on the thread and read all or most of the replies.

The one I quoted stood out to me because it was very much against the majority opinion, but more in line with my own view. None of that matters in the slightest because no-one should run their life on a Mumsnet poll. But if OP has decided to go through with it, she might benefit from the minority view that there could be something worth saving here.

Thecatspantaloons · 10/09/2026 18:43

LongTallTally · 10/09/2026 17:30

I don't know why I have to be pulling your leg. If I was the OP posting, presumably in good faith, about such a serious issue, I'd read all the replies.

I wouldn't read all the replies if I was a random Mumsnetter coming across the thread at this point. But a lot of us will have posted earlier on the thread and read all or most of the replies.

The one I quoted stood out to me because it was very much against the majority opinion, but more in line with my own view. None of that matters in the slightest because no-one should run their life on a Mumsnet poll. But if OP has decided to go through with it, she might benefit from the minority view that there could be something worth saving here.

Fair enough 👍.

2Rebecca · 10/09/2026 18:49

The OP has run away days ago

Monzo1ss · 10/09/2026 18:56

This is such a weird thread. Why would it be more financially sensible to split up when your kids are teenagers, vs now before you’re married? Makes zero sense. Obviously your financial situation would change by then where you’d have more assets / more to lose with 14+ years of marital income compared to now.

Right now is actually the least risky time to end things.

Radioheads · 10/09/2026 18:59

I feel very sorry for you.
He's a lazy arse that knows you are not happy, knows he doesn't pull his weight but is too selfish to do anything about it.

HE has destroyed your regard and respect for him.
He doesn't deserve to marry you.

I really hope you dont marry him.

You certainly don't want more children with him.

He's a selfish man.
Don't increase your ties to him.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 11/09/2026 17:30

Please don’t marry this man. The person who told you to go through with it because ‘they know how hard it will be for you to be apart from your kids’ is talking completely out of their arse!

Your kids will be with their dad when they’re not with you. You NEED time away from your children. You will cherish the free time you get to recharge your battery, do things YOU want to do, and maybe even date!

Rip off the plaster. Cancel the wedding and go and live your life.

Awkwardisfunny · 13/09/2026 00:19

ThisFunnyZebra · 03/09/2026 00:46

I have found myself in an unbearable situation and don’t know what to do. I’m getting married in 10 days and am literally having panic attacks at the thought of it.

It’s all paid for, everyone’s invited, everything is booked and organised, we’ve been on the hen and stag parties, and the honeymoon is booked straight after the wedding.

We have two children (twins), aged 22 months.

The wedding was supposed to have happened two years ago, but I fell pregnant so we decided to postpone it as it was going to be around my due date. I was really looking forward to it at the time and things were good between us.

Fast-forward to now, I actually can’t bear to be around him. He is useless with the twins, I do absolutely everything around the house, carry the mental load, do the shopping, housework and work full-time. He’s fucking useless.

I’m not sure why I didn’t see this before, probably because it was less of an issue before being parents. We both had our own lives, seeing friends etc.

We have nothing in common. We have no conversation, nothing to talk about, he’s not even interested in talking about the kids. I’ve actually noticed he’s got no personality. We hardly have sex, and when we do it’s just to get him off my back. I know that sounds bad, but I actually fucking resent him so much I can’t bear the thought of him coming near me.

I know I’m not perfect and since having the kids I’ve also changed. They are my priority and I just don’t have time for him after completing my day.

I shouldn’t have let the wedding get this far, but it was booked years ago and I thought things would get better. We are kind of in the trenches at the moment with the twins. But I honestly feel sick at the thought of marrying him.

How can I call it off at such a late date? Should I just go through with it and, if things don’t improve, get divorced? I’m fucked!

Call it off. It will be much worse to wait until after. And harder to detangle. Sorry you're going through this.

Freysimo · 13/09/2026 10:17

I don't think OP is calling it off.

NotReallySure · 13/09/2026 11:58

We're all here for you @ThisFunnyZebra either way

Thecatspantaloons · 13/09/2026 14:31

Freysimo · 13/09/2026 10:17

I don't think OP is calling it off.

Probably on her honeymoon by now 🤭.

bananaobama · 13/09/2026 15:25

@ThisFunnyZebra

did you get married?

Ureka · 13/09/2026 18:00

Thecatspantaloons · 13/09/2026 14:31

Probably on her honeymoon by now 🤭.

Yeahhh - she’s not coming back to this thread! It will be too embarrassing for her to admit she went ahead with it.

What’s done is done. Hope it all works out for her.

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 17:30

@ThisFunnyZebra will be almost a fortnight married now

GardenCovent · 24/09/2026 17:39

My friend cancelled her wedding the day after she posted the invites.
Im not going to say it was nice for her in the short term, she had to put up with lots of questions, her parents were really upset, fast forward now, she is married to a lovely man, and I doubt that anyone remembers she was even engaged before.
Def do it now op

GardenCovent · 24/09/2026 17:40

Ignore my last post, just seen it’s probably happened

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