AIBU to feel hurt my adult son forgot my birthday

He's an adult now so birthdays should be reciprocal. Don't go to any effort for his in future until he starts making an effort for yours.

He's seen you celebrate his birthday all his life and hasn't learned to reciprocate so he shouldn't expect anything for his, not even a card.

Well said. Totally agree 👍

Agree. Little shit treating his mother like this. The woman whose made sacrifices for him and wiped away his tears as a child and tended to his grazed knees etc.
His own birthday hday can get in the bin.
Only a shit would treat their mum like this.

Ah not nice. My mam gave me nothing for my 50th. It was mean. Op I just wouldnt make efforts. There no excuses. Even a card. My mam is weird around bdays though

Some people on here expect so little from their loved ones, and are almost martyrish about it. Oh I wouldn’t want them to spend their hard-earned money on me type thing. And thoughtless, selfish behaviour is excused as being typical for a young adult… young adults here are constantly infantilised and it continues with this excusing of selfish behaviour.

I’ve posted this on other threads before, but i genuinely think one of the best things my parents did for us as kids was ensure that every child gave every other child and every adult in the house a birthday and Christmas present. At a very young age, obviously we were given money and brought shopping to do so, as time went on we saved our pocket money and sometimes needed a top up, and then as teens became better at managing independently. They obviously weren’t big presents, but the point was we each made an effort for the people we loved. One of my favourite memories of my eldest brother, now deceased, is the Christmas he unwrapped two mars bars from me and exclaimed how thrilled he was and immediately went to put the kettle on to have them with a cup of tea. I can’t look at a mars bar now without hearing him say “oh look, Sammy got me two mars bars, isn’t she great” and remembering the joy 6 year old me got from seeing his pleasure.

This family tradition taught us a number of things, such as the value in doing something nice for someone you loved, that this required time, effort and sacrifice, but brought joy to others and was worth it. I shake my head when I read on here about parents who buy a present for each child rather than just the birthday child ‘so no one feels left out’… one woman said on here years ago that she continued to do that for her now-adult children and they all come to her house to collect their loot on each others birthdays … honestly!

And it’s so sad to see expectations so low that someone’s adult son can forget their cancer surgery twice and the poster said it was ‘a little hurtful but ok’. wtf?? It’s not ok, it’s appalling care and support shown to his mother. How someone could only be ‘a little’ hurt by that is beyond me. Talk about being at a low ebb, having your second cancer surgery and needing support of loved ones, and they ‘forget’.

Awful.

Agree. They need to be TAUGHT to give from a young age. For some it comes naturally for most children it doesn’t.

Remember how excited I was that I found two gold bracelets for my mother for Christmas at the school Christmas fair. I now know they were cufflinks but the thought was there.

If you are a joyless puritan “no birthdays for us” family that’s one thing but most of us aren’t. If you make an effort for them on their birthdays they need to at the very least acknowledge yours with a call ideally card and small thoughtful gift. The amount our generation do for these kids it’s the least they can bloody do.

Being a martyr does nobody any good. You are the mother of the dreadful men we sometimes read about on here.

How old is he? I think many of them go through this selfish stage. My lovely thoughtful husband forgot his mum’s birthday when we were dating at uni. He never forgot again! He was 19 and ridiculous in many ways.
Be honest with him op. Say youre upset.

Are you close to your mum?