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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To never do them a favour again?

161 replies

Pipiscoming2023 · 01/09/2026 21:47

I run my own business doing a professional service and offered to help my SIL’s partner with this service for free as a favour to his small business a couple of weeks ago.

He gave me all the required paperwork last week and then I came down with a bug and today is my first day back at work. They know I’m ill as I couldn’t attend a family lunch over the weekend.

Today I’ve had a message from the partner asking where the completed work is as he has an important deadline in a couple of weeks (not mentioned before and not something I’d have been aware of). I said as I’d been ill, everything was a little pushed back and it would be a bit later this week.

Tonight I’ve had a message from my MIL asking where this work is and saying I need to get it to him asap. I feel super pissed off that I’m now being chased by the rest of the family and that it also makes me look incompetent. She said my SIL had been talking about how he really needed it and I hadn’t done it this evening.

It’s not paid, it would have cost easily 4 figures, and I’ve been unwell…

AIBU to get this over the line and then never help them again?!

OP posts:
BriarTime · 04/09/2026 12:29

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

Have they even asked how you’re feeling?

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 12:32

BriarTime · 04/09/2026 12:29

Have they even asked how you’re feeling?

Not once, not a ‘get better soon’ or anything no.

OP posts:
BriarTime · 04/09/2026 12:35

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 12:32

Not once, not a ‘get better soon’ or anything no.

Tell them to stick it up their bumholes.

wfhwfh · 04/09/2026 13:08

That sounds like your DH dealt with them well - let them know they were being unreasonable by 1) volunteering you for free work in first place and 2) exacerbating the situation by chasing you when ill.

So they both know that their rudeness has been noted and there will be no more freebies in future.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/09/2026 16:21

Well done to your DH.

It's such a huge cheek for people to volunteer you for things.
When I was younger, my mum was always volunteering me to help her awful relatives who were mostly based abroad and would turn up wanting things done. They were never grateful or treated me with any respect.

Its really just lending you out for favours, and taking all the credit for the apparent generosity in arranging it.

Awful way to behave.

BigAgeGapIck · 04/09/2026 16:55

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 12:32

Not once, not a ‘get better soon’ or anything no.

BiL and MiL are twats and CF’ers!

Glad hubby had a word!

MooseMuff · 04/09/2026 17:33

gamerchick · 01/09/2026 22:08

Tell him since your timeline isn't to his suiting due to your illnesses you'll be handing back the paperwork and he can find someone to do it more promptly.

Stop offering freebies, even to family. Family always take you for granted.

Tell them to sod off. Cheeky bastard! He's not even a blood relative, he's your SiLs partner!!!

honeybeetheoneandonly · 04/09/2026 17:51

I think I would already plan what you'll say if he gets back with the missing info but wanting it done asap

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 04/09/2026 18:23

I would be livid.
I'd message all parties who think they can control my time.

Hi
I am returning all your documents to you as I have been made aware, by multiple people now, that you have a deadline which you had not made me aware of.
As you are aware I have been ill.
I suggest you engage a third partY to undertake this work and meet your deadline.
I think it would be better if you retained them on a permanent basis as I will be unable to assist you moving forward.
Pip

I'm sure you'll get loads of push back remember the mantra - Do not engage, Do not explain.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/09/2026 22:28

"DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up."

Well done your husband! Hopefully his words will stick with them.

Cornishclio · 04/09/2026 23:17

Cheeky sods. Tell them you aren’t well and will get to it when you can. Your MIL was out of order to volunteer you.

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