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AIBU?

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Original poster

To never do them a favour again?

161 replies

Pipiscoming2023 · 01/09/2026 21:47

I run my own business doing a professional service and offered to help my SIL’s partner with this service for free as a favour to his small business a couple of weeks ago.

He gave me all the required paperwork last week and then I came down with a bug and today is my first day back at work. They know I’m ill as I couldn’t attend a family lunch over the weekend.

Today I’ve had a message from the partner asking where the completed work is as he has an important deadline in a couple of weeks (not mentioned before and not something I’d have been aware of). I said as I’d been ill, everything was a little pushed back and it would be a bit later this week.

Tonight I’ve had a message from my MIL asking where this work is and saying I need to get it to him asap. I feel super pissed off that I’m now being chased by the rest of the family and that it also makes me look incompetent. She said my SIL had been talking about how he really needed it and I hadn’t done it this evening.

It’s not paid, it would have cost easily 4 figures, and I’ve been unwell…

AIBU to get this over the line and then never help them again?!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 04/09/2026 07:10

If he was relying on the work then he is bound to be anxious that it hasn't been done. The point is you offered to do it. So really it does need to be done. But don't offer again.

Doozycan · 04/09/2026 07:12

Heretohelp1111 · 01/09/2026 22:48

No I haven’t completed the FREE work I said I’d complete while recovering from a bug, and in time for a deadline I was never told about. Thank you for the multiple messages of concern to see how I am and all the gratitude for my kindness.

???

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 07:17

Viviennemary · 04/09/2026 07:10

If he was relying on the work then he is bound to be anxious that it hasn't been done. The point is you offered to do it. So really it does need to be done. But don't offer again.

He should have told OP there was a deadline though. OP was railroaded by MiL, so that needs to be nipped in the bud. Easily done with a flat refusal the next time she volunteers OP’s services for free.

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 04/09/2026 07:51

don’t give it to them at all now. only way they will learn their lesson to not be a dick.

NetZeroZealot · 04/09/2026 07:58

Im guessing the OP is an accountant. Maybe a lawyer.

JenRummy · 04/09/2026 08:14

People can be such twats. Been in similar situations to you OP. Demanding and ungrateful friends and relatives are the bane of many a life. MIL had no right to volunteer you. SIL has a cheek to be so vocal and judgmental and BIL should be told: I was trying to do you a favour. No one mentioned deadline until X date. This situation has seemingly caused a lot of upset when I was only trying to help. Given your time sensitivities I think it would be best if you paid someone to complete on time as due to being very unwell I need to prioritise paid work this week.

Dancingsquirrels · 04/09/2026 08:16

JuliettaCaeser · 02/09/2026 14:11

I agree it’s outrageous but even if you are not getting paid you do need to maintain your professional standards. If I was op I would hate that a few people now think I’m rubbish however unfairly.

If you agree to do it even for free you have to do it to a high standard. The answer is to never give freebies. As pps rightly say you are never appreciated anyway and would
actually get more respect if you charged your time.

I agree

If you're providing a professional service, albeit unpaid, you still need to be professional about it

IckyIck · 04/09/2026 08:49

YABU. You should not have said you'd do it free of charge. You were leaving yourself wide open for 'No good deed goes unpunished',
Having said you'd do it, you were ill, which could not be helped, but you should have kept the BIL informed of progress.

I don't understand why your MIL got involved but I've not RTFT.
Stick to professional arrangements where work is involved.

I've done something similar, and being shouted at by a CF is no fun.
My time is as valuable as anyone else's.

SeriaMau · 04/09/2026 09:00

Nothing given for free is ever appreciated.

Dependsoncontext · 04/09/2026 09:04

PieonaBarm · 01/09/2026 23:18

“As you are aware (as I missed the family meal at the weekend) I have been unwell. I have been unable to undertake any work until today, paid or otherwise. I only received the paperwork from you/BIL on x day, with no mention or discussion of any deadlines. As you will understand, being self employed yourself and running a small business, I have to prioritise paying clients. As previously discussed I will have the work to you by x day. Should you need it sooner there are other professionals who will be able to assist you for a fee”

Then if you’re asked in future just simply say you haven’t got time, you’re no longer doing favours, or you’ll do it for a discounted rate if you’re feeling gracious.

This covers everything and is assertive without being overly defensive or arsy.

IckyIck · 04/09/2026 09:33

SeriaMau · 04/09/2026 09:00

Nothing given for free is ever appreciated.

I agree.

Unless it will lead to something for you (examples for your portfolio/more work etc) don't do it.

Cailin66 · 04/09/2026 09:50

Pipiscoming2023 · 01/09/2026 22:03

I was volunteered by said MIL! He was struggling with this particular thing and she said “oh Pip will do it for you for free, she did FILs” and that was kind of that. My own fault for being a doormat but agree, never again!

Show quote history

In your first post you said you volunteered. When did the BIL give you the paperwork?

He's not very efficient giving you incomplete paperwork. You’ve now wasted time on unpaid work figuring out what’s missing and having to chase him. If I were getting a favour I’d have made sure what I handed over was everything that was needed. As your BIL had a deadline he should have mentioned to you that he needed it by x date, which would have been your cue to say the deadline doesn’t work for me.

Original poster
Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

OP posts:
Rpop · 04/09/2026 10:07

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

How annoying. People never cease to amaze me.
hope you’re loads better.
glad your DH spoke to family.
i can see he needs to make a deadline so obviously needs to tell you but it goes without saying that he has gone about this the wrong way.
also needs to show some gratitude.

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 10:24

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

OP apart from the other issues, it sounds as though he’s left this until the very last minute - by the time MiL offered your services to him the work was almost due anyway. He knew it needed to be done and he knew there was a deadline, so why did he not get it sorted himself, and sooner ? Sounds to me as though you’re the scapegoat for his inefficiency - made all the more obvious by the fact that they’re whingeing about deadlines but he still hasn’t given you everything you need to do the job.

I’m glad your DH has made it clear that your services aren’t free, but I’d be tempted to reinforce it by having a word with MiL yourself - something along the lines of I don’t work for free, and please don’t put me on the spot like that again as a refusal often offends !!

ETA. I hope you’re feeling much better now.

Firefly100 · 04/09/2026 10:32

Next time she offers your services in front of everyone - say you'll have to check your workload first - as a means to not be put on the spot. You can then decline later.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/09/2026 10:33

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 04/09/2026 07:10

Well you need to read her the riot act too - a) for offering your services and b) for chasing you when no deadline was given and you were ill!

Dont let her get away with it OP. Tell her you won’t be doing FIL’s anymore either as you are very upset.

Show quote history

My dad would do this... Volunteer me, then hassle me continually as he'd (obviously) promised his random contact that I would be able to do said volunteered work within 72 hours... 🙄.

They're hassling YOU as they've showing off 'who they know' can shit miracles in 4 nanoseconds...

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · 04/09/2026 10:35

Well done your DH

Middleclassblues · 04/09/2026 10:36

Yanbu.
Your husband did the right thing.
Step back from such people, particularly your MIL who doesn't respect you or care about you at all.
Find your anger.
His family are CF users.

Trishthedish · 04/09/2026 10:38

I’d put it on the family WhatsApp that you are doing him a favour for free. You had not been made aware of a deadline and you have been ill. he can either wait for you to do the work, or go elsewhere and spend four figures. His choice and once this has been completed, if he wants to wait, this is the last time you will ever work for him. Some people are just total wankpuffins.

JoshLymanSwagger · 04/09/2026 11:04

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

@Pipiscoming2023 I'd just return everything, and get your DH to cover you with "Pip is really not well at all, and she can't do this within your timeframe. Find someone else, and pay for it like a man."

I hope you're feeling better. 🍪💐

You have to put paying clients before cheeky bastards.

Notquitethetruth · 04/09/2026 12:12

Great that your husband contacted both of them and has your back.
They should contact you and apologise.

Palomiino · 04/09/2026 12:16

YANBU and they are astonishingly rude.

IckyIck · 04/09/2026 12:21

If you are volunteered to do a job for a friend or relative for no fee or mates' rates, decline on the spot. Say you have too much on right now.