To never do them a favour again?

Pipiscoming2023 · 2026-09-01T20:47:34+00:00

I run my own business doing a professional service and offered to help my SIL’s partner with this service for free as a favour to his small business a couple of weeks ago. He gave me all the required paperwork last week and then I came down with a bug and today is my first day back at work. They know I’m ill as I couldn’t attend a family lunch over the weekend. Today I’ve had a message from the partner asking where the completed work is as he has an important deadline in a couple of weeks (not mentioned before and not something I’d have been aware of). I said as I’d been ill, everything was a little pushed back and it would be a bit later this week. Tonight I’ve had a message from my MIL asking where this work is and saying I need to get it to him asap. I feel super pissed off that I’m now being chased by the rest of the family and that it also makes me look incompetent. She said my SIL had been talking about how he really needed it and I hadn’t done it this evening. It’s not paid, it would have cost easily 4 figures, and I’ve been unwell… AIBU to get this over the line and then never help them again?!

Cornishclio · 04/09/2026 23:17

Cheeky sods. Tell them you aren’t well and will get to it when you can. Your MIL was out of order to volunteer you.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/09/2026 22:28

"DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up."

Well done your husband! Hopefully his words will stick with them.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 04/09/2026 18:23

I would be livid.
I'd message all parties who think they can control my time.

Hi
I am returning all your documents to you as I have been made aware, by multiple people now, that you have a deadline which you had not made me aware of.
As you are aware I have been ill.
I suggest you engage a third partY to undertake this work and meet your deadline.
I think it would be better if you retained them on a permanent basis as I will be unable to assist you moving forward.
Pip

I'm sure you'll get loads of push back remember the mantra - Do not engage, Do not explain.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 04/09/2026 17:51

I think I would already plan what you'll say if he gets back with the missing info but wanting it done asap

MooseMuff · 04/09/2026 17:33

gamerchick · 01/09/2026 22:08

Tell him since your timeline isn't to his suiting due to your illnesses you'll be handing back the paperwork and he can find someone to do it more promptly.

Stop offering freebies, even to family. Family always take you for granted.

Tell them to sod off. Cheeky bastard! He's not even a blood relative, he's your SiLs partner!!!

BigAgeGapIck · 04/09/2026 16:55

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 12:32

Not once, not a ‘get better soon’ or anything no.

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BiL and MiL are twats and CF’ers!

Glad hubby had a word!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/09/2026 16:21

Well done to your DH.

It's such a huge cheek for people to volunteer you for things.
When I was younger, my mum was always volunteering me to help her awful relatives who were mostly based abroad and would turn up wanting things done. They were never grateful or treated me with any respect.

Its really just lending you out for favours, and taking all the credit for the apparent generosity in arranging it.

Awful way to behave.

wfhwfh · 04/09/2026 13:08

That sounds like your DH dealt with them well - let them know they were being unreasonable by 1) volunteering you for free work in first place and 2) exacerbating the situation by chasing you when ill.

So they both know that their rudeness has been noted and there will be no more freebies in future.

BriarTime · 04/09/2026 12:35

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 12:32

Not once, not a ‘get better soon’ or anything no.

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Tell them to stick it up their bumholes.

Original poster

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 12:32

BriarTime · 04/09/2026 12:29

Have they even asked how you’re feeling?

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Not once, not a ‘get better soon’ or anything no.

OP posts:

BriarTime · 04/09/2026 12:29

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

Have they even asked how you’re feeling?

IckyIck · 04/09/2026 12:21

If you are volunteered to do a job for a friend or relative for no fee or mates' rates, decline on the spot. Say you have too much on right now.

Palomiino · 04/09/2026 12:16

YANBU and they are astonishingly rude.

Notquitethetruth · 04/09/2026 12:12

Great that your husband contacted both of them and has your back.
They should contact you and apologise.

JoshLymanSwagger · 04/09/2026 11:04

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

@Pipiscoming2023 I'd just return everything, and get your DH to cover you with "Pip is really not well at all, and she can't do this within your timeframe. Find someone else, and pay for it like a man."

I hope you're feeling better. 🍪💐

You have to put paying clients before cheeky bastards.

Trishthedish · 04/09/2026 10:38

I’d put it on the family WhatsApp that you are doing him a favour for free. You had not been made aware of a deadline and you have been ill. he can either wait for you to do the work, or go elsewhere and spend four figures. His choice and once this has been completed, if he wants to wait, this is the last time you will ever work for him. Some people are just total wankpuffins.

Middleclassblues · 04/09/2026 10:36

Yanbu.
Your husband did the right thing.
Step back from such people, particularly your MIL who doesn't respect you or care about you at all.
Find your anger.
His family are CF users.

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · 04/09/2026 10:35

Well done your DH

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/09/2026 10:33

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 04/09/2026 07:10

Well you need to read her the riot act too - a) for offering your services and b) for chasing you when no deadline was given and you were ill!

Dont let her get away with it OP. Tell her you won’t be doing FIL’s anymore either as you are very upset.

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My dad would do this... Volunteer me, then hassle me continually as he'd (obviously) promised his random contact that I would be able to do said volunteered work within 72 hours... 🙄.

They're hassling YOU as they've showing off 'who they know' can shit miracles in 4 nanoseconds...

Firefly100 · 04/09/2026 10:32

Next time she offers your services in front of everyone - say you'll have to check your workload first - as a means to not be put on the spot. You can then decline later.

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 10:24

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

OP apart from the other issues, it sounds as though he’s left this until the very last minute - by the time MiL offered your services to him the work was almost due anyway. He knew it needed to be done and he knew there was a deadline, so why did he not get it sorted himself, and sooner ? Sounds to me as though you’re the scapegoat for his inefficiency - made all the more obvious by the fact that they’re whingeing about deadlines but he still hasn’t given you everything you need to do the job.

I’m glad your DH has made it clear that your services aren’t free, but I’d be tempted to reinforce it by having a word with MiL yourself - something along the lines of I don’t work for free, and please don’t put me on the spot like that again as a refusal often offends !!

ETA. I hope you’re feeling much better now.

Rpop · 04/09/2026 10:07

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

How annoying. People never cease to amaze me.
hope you’re loads better.
glad your DH spoke to family.
i can see he needs to make a deadline so obviously needs to tell you but it goes without saying that he has gone about this the wrong way.
also needs to show some gratitude.

Original poster

Pipiscoming2023 · 04/09/2026 10:00

Just to clarify some points:

MIL volunteered me in front of the whole family at a get together, so I felt put on the spot and said of course I’d do it (hence saying I offered to do it).

He gave me the paperwork and I became ill the next day. This was communicated in the family WhatsApp group as we all talk in it quite frequently so there was no doubt I was ill. The illness continued the rest of the week and I didn’t make the family dinner (DH told everyone including BIL that I was still really unwell).

At no point were deadlines discussed UNTIL everyone started chasing me at the beginning of this week saying it was urgent.

DH actually spoke to both his sister and mother yesterday and told them that they were being inconsiderate, that it wasn’t my fault BIL was disorganised and not to offer me for free work again - so that clears that up.

Still zero reply with the missing paperwork so it’s on him really.

OP posts:

Cailin66 · 04/09/2026 09:50

Pipiscoming2023 · 01/09/2026 22:03

I was volunteered by said MIL! He was struggling with this particular thing and she said “oh Pip will do it for you for free, she did FILs” and that was kind of that. My own fault for being a doormat but agree, never again!

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In your first post you said you volunteered. When did the BIL give you the paperwork?

He's not very efficient giving you incomplete paperwork. You’ve now wasted time on unpaid work figuring out what’s missing and having to chase him. If I were getting a favour I’d have made sure what I handed over was everything that was needed. As your BIL had a deadline he should have mentioned to you that he needed it by x date, which would have been your cue to say the deadline doesn’t work for me.

IckyIck · 04/09/2026 09:33

SeriaMau · 04/09/2026 09:00

Nothing given for free is ever appreciated.

I agree.

Unless it will lead to something for you (examples for your portfolio/more work etc) don't do it.