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To still be hurt and angry that I was ‘Wendied’ 15 years ago

334 replies

pricecap · 01/09/2026 18:33

DH and I were very friendly with a group of people, 3 couples. They came to our wedding, one of the men was my husbands best man etc. We all had children around the same time. Kids all got on in school and were invited to each others parties etc.

Then, two other couples joined the group, one woman was always a ‘Queen Bee’ type but nice enough, the other got a job as teacher in our small local primary school.

The teacher taught my daughter but unfortunately I had some issues with the school and had to raise a complaint eventually. Suddenly I was the complete outcast, the group closed up and ostracised myself and DH, despite the complaint not being directed at this teacher.

We lost our friendship group and even wider friends in one fell swoop which hurt so much. I suspect that the teacher (who is so far up her own backside she can kiss her teeth) did her level best to drag our names through the mud even though we had a legitimate complaint to make about the school and how they were treating a number of children who were set to go to a secondary school that wasn’t the choice of the school. Not one of them have actually ever had the guts to speak to me or tell me what I was meant to have done and even 15 years later it hurts when I see them and they blank me.

I’d love to ask them what their problem is after all this time, it was a hurtful, childish and ‘mean girl’ thing to do. I’d have preferred it if one of them had the guts to actually tell me at the time that I’d done something to upset someone. All I can think of is the school complaint. I can absolutely guarantee that if there was an issue with the schooling of one of their children they would have done exactly the same thing.

OP posts:
Wingingit73 · 08/09/2026 06:42

Move on. All sounds pettya and toxic

oviraptor21 · 08/09/2026 09:16

She has. But after all these years she's perfectly entitled to want to know why. I hope she gets an answer.

Poppingby · 14/09/2026 20:26

HollyhocksandPeons · 07/09/2026 23:34

Sorry, did you say you would love to have a read and decide if a Cambridge University publication is a pile of misogynistic shite?

Ha ha yes! Yes I did! Why on earth would its being a CUP publication exclude it from being misogynist tripe?

BeAquaTiger · 23/09/2026 03:17

pricecap · 01/09/2026 19:19

The reason for the complaint would be very outing. It involved a group of children really and how the head treated them differently and didn’t give the same opportunities because they were going to a different secondary school. I was probably very principled over it at the time and I was outspoken over my annoyance about the situation. One of the couples didn’t completely break away and I still chat to her now. I don’t want to put her in an awkward position after all this time to ask what it was that I’d done that was so terrible.
I do believe that the teacher is the main instigator. For some reason all the parents used to fawn over her but I didn’t. I was pleasant but wasn’t prepared to be sickly sweet, I wanted to maintain a distance as she was my child’s teacher

Parents always fawn over teachers so perhaps she felt you were funny with her for reacting differently. And clearly you did nit like the 'queen bee' and sound quite jealous of her.
Do you think it less about the complaint and more about people changing over time, finding new friends and interests while you did not change in the same way? They shared the caravanning while you were not interested for example.
Perhaps your attitude to the new couples either got back to them or you confided your hostility to them to the wrong group member who shared how you felt and that alienated the others?
Thst said though complaining about a lack of opportunities for a primary aged child sounds like a very odd reason to fall out with a head teacher and makes you sound like a very pushy mum. Or could it be your choice of secondary school if different to the group?
My sister had a couple of parents in her small village she felt were good frirnds who she lost when she rubbished the local comp the primary was a feeder to and went all out to get her sons into a grammar school.

BeAquaTiger · 23/09/2026 03:21

Does your husband have any idea what happened? Are they also ostracised or do the men still get on? Is he equally bothered?
Men do tend to be less cliquey and have fewer power struggles in group dynamics that affect friendships but if the organising of social get togethers is down to the wives might have just gone with the flow.
Or could it be something your husband did ?

CharityShopCharlie · 23/09/2026 10:59

Christ's sake, friendship groups and queen bees? Are we in Heathers?

EvieBB · 23/09/2026 15:44

CharityShopCharlie · 23/09/2026 10:59

Christ's sake, friendship groups and queen bees? Are we in Heathers?

Sadly it still happens in school mum groups (the immature ones anyway)....and that's not a slight on op

pictoosh · 23/09/2026 17:18

CharityShopCharlie · 23/09/2026 10:59

Christ's sake, friendship groups and queen bees? Are we in Heathers?

Yes we are in Heathers. Some people continue to think and behave like this into adulthood. They never grow out of it.
What's your point?

CharityShopCharlie · 23/09/2026 23:10

pictoosh · 23/09/2026 17:18

Yes we are in Heathers. Some people continue to think and behave like this into adulthood. They never grow out of it.
What's your point?

I think my point is clear as you've made it yourself.

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