To still be hurt and angry that I was ‘Wendied’ 15 years ago

When a newbie moves into a friendship group and ostracises one member from the rest of the group, is my understanding.

We had similar with my old neighbour, she was actually, I believed (!) my best friend for a long time, our kids used to play together almost daily. They started school together and she realised my daughter had more additional needs than she thought and she acted like she didn't know me, shouted at our kids for holding hands on the first day, and said we would never walk in together again. I was so hurt but I had no self worth at the time and assumed she was ashamed of us. I was getting death stares on the school run, other Mums laughed at me in public. One Mum went to her house on halloween (her house wasn't decorated) and set off our doorbell, assumed we had trick or treaters, went out, offered her daughter (from my daughter's class) a sweet, and was told 'we don't want anything from you'. Instead of confronting her, I was shocked and shut my door and cried! Asked my neighbour when she got back from trick and treating what it was all about, she told me she didn't know as they weren't friends, assured me she was my friend and to ignore her, then invited her and her husband around for a cup of tea 2 days later! This went on for years, lots of weird incidents, her telling me others were gossiping about me. we became very isolated in the community and I had no idea why. Last year, my other neighbour had a medical emergency with her young daughter and called on me really anxious, asking me to help and stay with them til the ambulance came. Which I gladly did. She then thanked me and said she really appreciated it cos she 'knew' I secretly hated her. I told her I had never ever said that! At my daughter's birthday party last year; most of the girls we invited refused to eat and were whispering about the food, despite us ordering buffet from Sainsburys food to go. Turns out the gossip going around school was that we were a dirty family and they would get ill of they ate our food. My neighbour discarded me in a very public slaying a couple of years ago saying I had been a bad friend to her, but I was already done with our friendship. Last Boxing day, I caught my old neighbour telling a postman on our doorbell camera that she doesn't associate with people like us, that we commit benefit fraud (I have several health conditions that she is absolutely aware of- she worked at my old GP surgery and my family and I had awful care there- so I left). My daughter also has AuDHD and dyspraxia and recently started at a specialist school. My son also has diagnosed sen needs and has a full time 1:1 at school. She swiftly followed this up with a horrendous facebook message to me stating I had munchausens syndrome, that I make up mine and my children's conditions, that all I do is complain to people, that I must have complained to have my recent knee surgery (when in fact it was caused by her GP surgery ignoring my multiple dislocations and not taking my condition seriously and referring me to the right people at the right time). She told me all I do is complain to school, that nobody likes me and I have no friends. So in one fell swoop she told me exactly the gossip she had spread about me in the last 7 years. It was massively hurtful. I have had a lot of counselling. I asked her NHS employer to investigate her and sent them her message but they refused, although police and safeguarding teams did investigate her. She no longer works there and I cannot confirm why, but she did move house last month and I feel immensely relieved!
I had become agrophobic from all the gossip and it ruined me mentally. I still have no idea why she did that, I don't think she is well herself tbh. But gossip is so incredibly damaging.
I have learnt she was never my friend, she has a list of friends as long as her arm and if they want to believe her outrageous lies it is up to them and says more about them.
I would say to OP that gossip and lies is almost certainly involved, and you may never know unless you ask them directly. And they may not even tell you the truth anyway.

I was too scared to ask all the people around me what the problem was and I hated confrontation, but it did eat me up. It has been 15 years for you though so I would definitely move on and hold your head up high.

Yes they seem to have, it’s only bothered me today as I’ve just passed one of them now and I was completely blanked.

It sounds ridiculous when I think about it, I can only think it was the complaint to the school that was the cause. It was a legitimate complaint too!

We lost two couples immediately who got very close with the teacher and the queen bee - then I noticed about 2 other couples associated with them had deleted me off Facebook. I couldn’t believe it!

We all live in a small village, I have no doubt that my name is still mud in the group. Teacher is still the main instigator and they all dance to her tune as much as I can see…winds me up!!! 😂😂😂

Why do people have to be in "friendship groups"? Never heard of just having a selection of friends and doing things with some or all of them at different times? I've never had this problem in my life. Is it because there are couples involved here?

It's not the right definition of wendied. It means you have two friends and you introduced them and those two go off without you.

It’s all very odd, I would be surprised if multiple people stopped being friends with both you and your husband due to a complaint you made to the school. I imagine there was more going on behind the scene, even your tone now is quite snarky referencing the “queen bee” which is always meant as a misogynistic insult, when she doesn’t even have anything to do with anything based on your own post??

Without knowing the context it's hard to comment on the fall out.

I will say that being cut out by an entire group is humiliating, hurtful and often traumatic. To lose the support and company of people you thought you could count on is actually devastating. It's not surprising that it resurfaces now and then, 15 years later.

You will have moved on of course...but I understand why it still bothers you.
Very harsh treatment whatever happened. Xx

DH and I were very friendly with a group of people, 3 couples. They came to our wedding, one of the men was my husbands best man etc. We all had children around the same time. Kids all got on in school and were invited to each others parties etc.

Then, two other couples joined the group, one woman was always a ‘Queen Bee’ type but nice enough, the other got a job as teacher in our small local primary school.

The teacher taught my daughter but unfortunately I had some issues with the school and had to raise a complaint eventually. Suddenly I was the complete outcast, the group closed up and ostracised myself and DH, despite the complaint not being directed at this teacher.

We lost our friendship group and even wider friends in one fell swoop which hurt so much. I suspect that the teacher (who is so far up her own backside she can kiss her teeth) did her level best to drag our names through the mud even though we had a legitimate complaint to make about the school and how they were treating a number of children who were set to go to a secondary school that wasn’t the choice of the school. Not one of them have actually ever had the guts to speak to me or tell me what I was meant to have done and even 15 years later it hurts when I see them and they blank me.

I’d love to ask them what their problem is after all this time, it was a hurtful, childish and ‘mean girl’ thing to do. I’d have preferred it if one of them had the guts to actually tell me at the time that I’d done something to upset someone. All I can think of is the school complaint. I can absolutely guarantee that if there was an issue with the schooling of one of their children they would have done exactly the same thing.

The men weren’t terribly close I suppose, they still chat and talk when they see one another now, husband included. It was the women element here that had it in for me. It was a strange dynamic anyway as I wasn’t originally from the area so when I met my husband I was already an outsider. I was included but it seemed as soon as they had an excuse to blank me they did.
Its definitely small village mentality, they enmeshed themselves into each others lives to a ridiculous extent, holidaying together, doing everything together. I would never had wanted that as we prefer to do our own thing. I just don’t like being blanked, even after all these years.
However, I’ve decided, the next time I see any one of them I will be asking them what their problem is after all these years

DH and I were very friendly with a group of people, 3 couples. They came to our wedding, one of the men was my husbands best man etc. We all had children around the same time. Kids all got on in school and were invited to each others parties etc.

Then, two other couples joined the group, one woman was always a ‘Queen Bee’ type but nice enough, the other got a job as teacher in our small local primary school.

The teacher taught my daughter but unfortunately I had some issues with the school and had to raise a complaint eventually. Suddenly I was the complete outcast, the group closed up and ostracised myself and DH, despite the complaint not being directed at this teacher.

We lost our friendship group and even wider friends in one fell swoop which hurt so much. I suspect that the teacher (who is so far up her own backside she can kiss her teeth) did her level best to drag our names through the mud even though we had a legitimate complaint to make about the school and how they were treating a number of children who were set to go to a secondary school that wasn’t the choice of the school. Not one of them have actually ever had the guts to speak to me or tell me what I was meant to have done and even 15 years later it hurts when I see them and they blank me.

I’d love to ask them what their problem is after all this time, it was a hurtful, childish and ‘mean girl’ thing to do. I’d have preferred it if one of them had the guts to actually tell me at the time that I’d done something to upset someone. All I can think of is the school complaint. I can absolutely guarantee that if there was an issue with the schooling of one of their children they would have done exactly the same thing.

Yabu to say “Wendied”. It’s not fair to besmirch the name Wendy just like calling people a Karen isn’t fair.
Find a better word to sum up your experience/ their behaviour.