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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To still be hurt and angry that I was ‘Wendied’ 15 years ago

319 replies

pricecap · 01/09/2026 18:33

DH and I were very friendly with a group of people, 3 couples. They came to our wedding, one of the men was my husbands best man etc. We all had children around the same time. Kids all got on in school and were invited to each others parties etc.

Then, two other couples joined the group, one woman was always a ‘Queen Bee’ type but nice enough, the other got a job as teacher in our small local primary school.

The teacher taught my daughter but unfortunately I had some issues with the school and had to raise a complaint eventually. Suddenly I was the complete outcast, the group closed up and ostracised myself and DH, despite the complaint not being directed at this teacher.

We lost our friendship group and even wider friends in one fell swoop which hurt so much. I suspect that the teacher (who is so far up her own backside she can kiss her teeth) did her level best to drag our names through the mud even though we had a legitimate complaint to make about the school and how they were treating a number of children who were set to go to a secondary school that wasn’t the choice of the school. Not one of them have actually ever had the guts to speak to me or tell me what I was meant to have done and even 15 years later it hurts when I see them and they blank me.

I’d love to ask them what their problem is after all this time, it was a hurtful, childish and ‘mean girl’ thing to do. I’d have preferred it if one of them had the guts to actually tell me at the time that I’d done something to upset someone. All I can think of is the school complaint. I can absolutely guarantee that if there was an issue with the schooling of one of their children they would have done exactly the same thing.

OP posts:
PineappleAndGrapefruitLilt · Yesterday 10:16

kombuchabucha · 01/09/2026 19:58

How on earth have you let this fester for 15 years without asking anyone why you've been cut out of the group?! Especially as you're still friends with one of them?! How has this never come up in conversation between the two of you? And is the one your friends with the partner of your husband's best man? If not, I agree it's very weird that your husband's best man would suddenly stop talking to him with zero explanation.

This. How, in 15 years, has this never come up in conversation with the person you still talk to?

moderate · Yesterday 10:38

EvieBB · Yesterday 10:00

I haven't bothered reading your long post tbh as I don't want/have gave the energy to get in to a long drawn out argument. Ultimately I get that there are 2 sides to every story and this is one of those situations where you have to be living it to be able to decide who is being the unreasonable one. However from reading OP's post and seeing things from her perspective I have every sympathy for her. I won't be reading or commenting further.

“I get that there are two sides to every story but I’ve heard one side now and that’s plenty for me”.

EvieBB · Yesterday 10:43

moderate · Yesterday 10:38

“I get that there are two sides to every story but I’ve heard one side now and that’s plenty for me”.

Nope that's not it. I said you have to be there to truly know. I explained that just reading OP's version I have empathy for her.

HowardsWahey · Yesterday 10:49

EvieBB · Yesterday 02:50

I give a shit about people. I would be really upset if I thought I upset someone and if they were still upset 15 years on. I'd be mortified.
I guess we're all different.....and thank God we are as I couldn't be so fucking mean.

But if you're the kind of person who hates upsetting someone, you're not the kind of person who would ever blank someone for 15 years in the first place. So whether you would be mortified or not isn't really relevant here. The kind of people who do just cut others off out of nowhere on the say-so of someone else aren't the kind of people who'll be "mortified" 15 days later, let alone 15 years.

moderate · Yesterday 10:50

EvieBB · Yesterday 10:43

Nope that's not it. I said you have to be there to truly know. I explained that just reading OP's version I have empathy for her.

You have empathy for the protagonist in the narrative she presented. Your characterisation of this as “empathy for her” underlines the point I’m making.

EvieBB · Yesterday 10:50

HowardsWahey · Yesterday 10:49

But if you're the kind of person who hates upsetting someone, you're not the kind of person who would ever blank someone for 15 years in the first place. So whether you would be mortified or not isn't really relevant here. The kind of people who do just cut others off out of nowhere on the say-so of someone else aren't the kind of people who'll be "mortified" 15 days later, let alone 15 years.

I agree

HowardsWahey · Yesterday 10:51

moderate · Yesterday 10:38

“I get that there are two sides to every story but I’ve heard one side now and that’s plenty for me”.

Oh God, not this again. When are you going to get it into your head that we only have one side of the story on every Mumsnet thread? Ever?

It's literally impossible for us to get both sides of any story on a forum like this. If we can only comment or form a view if we have both sides direct from the parties involved, we may as well shut AIBU down now.

EvieBB · Yesterday 10:51

moderate · Yesterday 10:50

You have empathy for the protagonist in the narrative she presented. Your characterisation of this as “empathy for her” underlines the point I’m making.

Yes and that's ok

moderate · Yesterday 10:54

HowardsWahey · Yesterday 10:51

Oh God, not this again. When are you going to get it into your head that we only have one side of the story on every Mumsnet thread? Ever?

It's literally impossible for us to get both sides of any story on a forum like this. If we can only comment or form a view if we have both sides direct from the parties involved, we may as well shut AIBU down now.

Oh god, not this again. When are you going to get it into your head that however obvious it is to you, the replies here clearly indicate that this is not the case for everyone?

moderate · Yesterday 10:55

EvieBB · Yesterday 10:51

Yes and that's ok

And Its okay for me to point this out in scare-quotes.

EastGrinstead · Yesterday 10:55

menopausequeen · Yesterday 09:30

Unfortunately many ‘school gate mum’ friends are not real friends. It’s a convenience thing. And they don’t want anyone who is different and might make life difficult (like a child with different needs or making a complaint which could cause ripples).

it’s hurtful now but long term you have probably had a lucky escape

This is a good summary,

EvieBB · Yesterday 10:58

moderate · Yesterday 10:55

And Its okay for me to point this out in scare-quotes.

Yeah I guess? Not sure what point it is you were trying to make tho?

HowardsWahey · Yesterday 11:53

moderate · Yesterday 10:54

Oh god, not this again. When are you going to get it into your head that however obvious it is to you, the replies here clearly indicate that this is not the case for everyone?

You're just making this up. And you're not changing anything through your comments. You can't present the other side because you don't know what it is.

Grendel7 · Yesterday 12:13

pricecap · 01/09/2026 18:48

Yes they seem to have, it’s only bothered me today as I’ve just passed one of them now and I was completely blanked.

It sounds ridiculous when I think about it, I can only think it was the complaint to the school that was the cause. It was a legitimate complaint too!

We lost two couples immediately who got very close with the teacher and the queen bee - then I noticed about 2 other couples associated with them had deleted me off Facebook. I couldn’t believe it!

We all live in a small village, I have no doubt that my name is still mud in the group. Teacher is still the main instigator and they all dance to her tune as much as I can see…winds me up!!! 😂😂😂

We should all beware teachers. All that holiday; extra "training" days (why are untrained people teaching our kids??); all that " there is no bullying at my school" ( really?); all that "I saw a snowflake we need to close the school!", all that "I am really disappointed in you" stuff?
Associate at your peril!

Grendel7 · Yesterday 12:22

Lovelyview · 01/09/2026 19:56

I live in a village and sadly this shit happens all the time. You see fresh faced newbies joining the whatsapp group and saying how amazing everyone is and you know within a couple of years there'll be affairs, arguments over hedges, stalking and disputes relating to some committee or other. There will be lots of hurt feelings, people will ignore other people, people will move away, new people will arrive and the cycle will repeat. I hope you have found other friends op. This lot sound like nightmares. You're better off without them.

I too live in a village and it IS very up itself. If someone starts a rumour it spreads like disease,people take sides and the "accused" party is found guilty without a trial and without bothering to actually ask them what happened.
Its petty small mindedness and unfortunately exists long after people leave the playground as pupils.

Grendel7 · Yesterday 12:27

muggart · 01/09/2026 19:58

just ask her! it’s not going to seem like a big deal to her since it was 15 years ago.

It still seems weird of them to have ditched you over this.

If i were you id be worried that it was something totally different that you had no idea about. maybe they had an issue with your husband, for example.

Its not weird it is typical childish behaviour. Do you remember the school bullies, well if you were friends with them they didn't bully you so most people were friends with the bully. People don't change as they age. Once the bully,always the bully. Everyone just did what they did to stay on side. Its pathetically simple but they will put their actual true thoughts well below being friends with "queen bee".

Pog166 · Yesterday 20:08

pricecap · 01/09/2026 18:52

The dynamics in the group meant that as soon as the queen bee joined, around the same time as the teacher they all kow towed to her too. They are the wealthiest in the group. They bought a caravan, next thing they all bought caravans. If one bought something or went somewhere then they all followed suit.

It sounds as if they are all gypsies, which might well lead them to exclude you if you are not a member of the travelling community yourself.

Fleurdavril · Yesterday 23:35

YANBU to still be hurt and angry. It is very painful to be ostracised by your friendship group, especially given the circumstances of not knowing precisely why and living in a small community. There have been several articles fairly recently about how devastating it is to lose close friends. To lose an entire cohort in one blow, to be cast outside the magic circle, is almost intolerable.

If you really live in a village then almost everyone there probably knows about this rift. It seems extraordinary that word hasn't somehow filtered down to you. How uncomfortable it must be for you.

There are so many questions around this scenario; but there will never be any resolution. After 15 years, are these questions really worth asking? If you feel that you must have answers, then broach the subject over a coffee with the one person who still speaks to you. Or ask your husband to discuss it with his best man.

Thinking ahead, have you considered after 15 years of being blanked, children presumably completed school, of calling it a day and moving away? Sometimes it is best just to walk away.

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 23:39

Pog166 · Yesterday 20:08

It sounds as if they are all gypsies, which might well lead them to exclude you if you are not a member of the travelling community yourself.

Oh yeah, now I think about it, several of my teachers were from the traveller community..... NOT 😄

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